Word Vomit

I'm sharing this post quickly as I wait for a swaddle sack to dry (yes, we only have one!) . . . and it's not drying fast enough for this nap to happen when it needs to. Eden also has a very RSV-like cough, runny nose, and general blah. Eloise woke today at 5AM having soaked through her pajamas, sleep sack, and -- worst of all -- llama love. So, that's all in the wash, too. But now that I'm a seasoned pro mom (ha!), I know to keep an extra llama on hand to make a bait-and-switch.

My life, you guys.

This is my life right now.

I love it. But, C'mon. LOL.

I started back working in January. All I can handle right now is about one article each week. It feels good to be writing professionally (read: making money) again. But until things iron out with sleep and winter sickness, I can't see doing any more than that. I fit it in on weekends and on snow days, mostly. I've learned to use the 5AM-7AM window as my sacred time. And I am also too fried to read scholarly journals early in the AM. The brain power will come back, I'm sure.

I also feel very much 35, if not older, lately. I somehow tweaked my neck while nursing Eden in bed and have been basically immobilized the last three days. This means I haven't been running or walking or even looking over my right shoulder. Thankfully it's getting a bit better. But, wow. The things we take for granted.

Where I'm a powerhouse lately is with making food for our family. Our slow cooker is getting more workouts than I am. Usually soups. Split pea, lentil, butternut squash, pumpkin chili, etc. I make absolutely divine loaves of homemade sourdough to accompany. GUESS WHAT! I've cracked the sourdough code. I can now make bread that tastes better and has better texture than what I get at Wegmans. The secret (at least for me) was all in using Bob's Red Mill artisan flour (Yes. I bought this 4-pack because I can't find it anywhere near me and I go through one bag every two weeks). It transformed my starter overnight.

Eden turns four months old next week. We're definitely in some sort of shift. I wouldn't say we've totally hit the big sleep regression yet, but we've had some rocky naps and nights. She's certainly a full-on baby by now. No more newborn stuff. And that means I'm slowly getting rid of everything I've been holding onto for the last eight years. It's all the feels. But I am also very much feeling like I'm ready to move along fully to the next stage of life.

Example: We have friends who go on weekend getaways with their school-aged kids. And we're like: "I'm jealous!" Same kind of trip would be hell for us right now. In a few years, it won't be so bad.

I forget if I mentioned it on here, but we have a brief and torrid love affair with a house a month or so ago. We wanted it SO BADLY we could cry. But other people beat us to it. It's officially pending and not going to be ours. But you know when you sit for days and imagine your kids getting married in the backyard? Has that ever happened to you? It did for us. Sigh. As a consolation, we decided to purchase a brand new gas range. It'll be delivered Saturday. It will look pretty in our kitchen and allow me to bake better bread so I can continue to eat my feelings.

I'm kidding. Sort of. Not really.

I've been struggling with emotional eating and winter eating and boredom eating. I'm not good with the concept of diets. And intuitive eating puzzles me. As someone who is recovering from an eating disorder (I will always be recovering. It's like anything else.), I have trouble with ALL or NOTHING when it comes to eating. This is an area I'll continue to address. Please don't private message me to get therapy.  I'm a big girl and know my options and it's not actually THAT bad. I've been bad. Binge eating till I could explode. Purging. It's not at all like that. It's just wanting to eating more veggies. The general stuff any normal adult deals with who isn't a healthy living blogger.

(BTW: That last bit sounds terribly defensive. It's not meant to be. I just share everything. As a result, I've had so many people throughout the years armchair diagnose me or try to force some kind of "you are THIS" on me. I want to go all Jerry Springer and be like "Y'all don't KNOW me" because it's true. If you knew me in real life, you'd know how in-tune I am with myself and my good/bad points. I share mostly to relate, not for critique or whatever else. Right now? I'm watching and drooling over way too much Bon Appetit on YouTube.)

Last, it's "dress like you're 100" for the 100th day of school. I think we nailed it!