New Year, New Blog

Happy 2019, friends! It's been a while. I went to bed at 9:15 on NYE and -- as I shared on Instagram yesterday -- our year kicked off quite tumultuously. But today is a new day. We're back in the normal post-vacation routine again. And I feel ready to write. I'm just not sure that (never)homemaker is the space I want to inhabit anymore. I imagine I'll keep up this site for the recipes, as I consult the archives myself on many occasions. Keep an eye out, though. I have a new blog in the works. I hope to get it going sometime this month. Or if I decide it's an awful idea (or if you tell me it's an awful idea), I reserve the right to change my mind.

I love reading everyone's resolutions or intentions for the new year. I can't say I've had much mental space to give it formal thought. But I am taking this time to multi-task and share what I'd like to work on myself. As I have started jotting this down in my head, it seems like my theme is KINDNESS to myself, my family, and my body.

Kind discipline. 

You may or may not be surprised to learn that I scream and shout at my kids. I'm not proud of it. I always pledge to do better. Each night, in fact, I promise myself that I won't yell the next year. And then it seems that I yell more and louder than ever before the next day.

Things in our home feel a bit out of control at the moment. It's the stress of having a newborn combined with the emergence of an insanely stubborn toddler (who has decided after years of good sleep that it's out of fashion) . . . and add in a totally rattled school-aged kid who is very sensitive to noise and commotion.

I've realized that Ada was a really easy toddler. She slept pretty well, had minimal tantrums, and generally went with the flow. Eloise is a whole different story, and I am realizing I have zero skills to help her channel her energy in a different way. So, I watched The Happiest Toddler on the Block yesterday, and already it's helped a bit diffuse a couple situations (and didn't do anything to help others).

I have very limited time and mental space to read. If you were to recommend ONE parenting book, what would it be?

Kind eating and exercise habits

My diet as of late is also out of control. I ate all the bread and sugar over the holidays in the name of breastfeeding hunger. And laziness. And just because I like that stuff and I think it's a common struggle. As I am getting older, I'm finding that my body doesn't rebound as well from a crap diet. I feel hungover the next day after eating poorly (which I define as not having really any fruits or veggies, right? It happened many days last month).

My "diet" for the new year is all about being kind to my body. That means indulging from time to time, but also focusing on eating more healthful, nourishing foods. I will stay vegetarian, but I'd like to ease up on the cheese for a while (it has been making me gassy TMI!) and I need to stop eating SO much white bread, but I cannot give up pizza Fridays or my homemade breads. I'm going to try to make more nutritive treats (chocolate chip cookies made with almond meal and oats instead of flour, for example), too.

I am going to try a couple fads, too. Celery juice in the morning to see what the fuss is about. I'll report back. Plus, I am interested in intermittent fasting after writing an article on the subject last fall. I'm going to experiment lightly with a 14:10 approach.

Exercise time has been difficult to come by as the days have gotten so short and the family demands have shot up. I'd like to run more than I am, but I am setting a goal to hit 15 miles a week. I'd like to add a weekly yoga class to this and maybe a couple short (15 minute) kettlebell sessions.

Kind comparison. 

Or, rather, NO comparison. I've fallen into the comparison trap hard these last months. Like, why can't I seem to just chill and go wherever with a newborn like everyone else? As an example, we pulled Eloise from preschool because the baby just wasn't having the pickup/dropoff schedule because it directly conflicted with her naps. But I see moms making it work and I feel lazy or just plain shame. At the same time, I hated paying so much for something that was bringing my stress.

Anyway, I need to stop caring what "Susan" is doing with her family, how much money "Laura" has, or how fit "Tamara" is so soon after baby. When I'm not on social media, I'm much happier in some ways but then feel isolated in others. So, I need to revisit my own head to figure out how much Instagram or Facebook I want to include in my life.

I also want to strengthen my real life relationships. This period of newborn is hard for me because I really like routine and the naps are keeping us home quite often. So I will need to utilize the evenings and weekends to socialize.

That's all I have time to write for now.

Till next time!

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Defining Simple Living

What's at the heart of my issue with simple living? Well, its very definition is what. I've determined that there is no one-size-fits all approach to this philosophy. Yet, I feel like we're often bombarded by images and words and ideas that try to peg it in one "easy" to apply scenario.

It usually includes the following:

Making all foods from scratch
Paring down belongings to minimal amounts
Using homemade cleaners for home and body
Regularly disconnecting from media in its many forms
Having a regular house cleaning schedule
Having a well-edited capsule wardrobe
Cloth diapering
Keeping a garden 
Finding joy in the process of doing all the work
Etc., etc., etc.

But this all sounds like so much work, right?

The end result is appealing. A tidy house with food on the table and things seeming to be in order. A mind-clearing feeling of productivity. But it's TONS of work to get there. And I'm not saying that this IS simple living. I'm just saying these are the things I often see associated with it, among many, many other items and tasks.

I tend to get extreme when I try to apply something new to my life. And for me, living simply this way doesn't work because I can't get all the balls rolling at once. I can't even get half of them going to be entirely honest. It's a lot of toiling and trouble and then feelings of failure that creep in and ultimately squash efforts. The areas I struggle with may be different from the ones you struggle with. We're all different and have different skills. We all have different things that motivate or inspire us. And, as a result, we have different goals.

Again: Some many of these things aren't even simple! They just happen to produce an end result that may look that way. Like there's a semblance of more control and order and, therefore, simplicity and serenity.

I admit that I, Ashley, seem to have focused in the past on how my simple living looked on the outside. Both to other people (hello, blogging monster) and even to myself. If my home didn't resemble some muted linens-clad prairie abode, I was doing it all wrong -- obviously. If I didn't feel a sense of contentment and calm as I was grating a bar of soap or sweeping up freshly ground oats, I was doing it all wrong.

But as time has worn on, I have grown tired on the desire to appear I'm truly embodying a simple lifestyle. I just want to hurry the hell up already and LIVE in a way that feels freer and actually simpler. That might not always mean it's pretty. That might not mean I'm doing everything the most organic and wholesome way. And that might not mean I can address all areas at once.

That's right:

We can't do it all.

At least I cannot.

I've tried and failed many times.

We only have so much bandwidth. So, each of us has to choose the areas in our lives that we seek to simplify the most. I think choosing four or five areas as a focus, at least for me, is what I can handle. Like putting pots on a stove, I guess. Do I have many more areas I'd like to improve upon? Heck yes. But they'll need to go on the back burner until I can rotate things around.

Does this mean that some of these things aren't worth trying? No. There's plenty of reasons you might want to make your own cleaning supplies and cook from scratch. Money is top on my list. The environment is another, yet I intend to do disposable diapers again . . . so this motivation discussion is for another day.

Simple living: Doing things that actually make my life simple in practice.

Here are my five goals:

I want to spend less time cleaning.

I want my kids to be more self-sufficient.

I want to cook most all my meals from home to save money, but I want them to be speedy.

I want to live with fewer things and to stop shopping so much.

I want to get better at planning ahead.

I'll flesh these out more in my next post. But this is micro-blogging, after all! Tomorrow I turn 35. It seems like a way more important milestone than 30, yet it's one that I'm not dreading. I feel a certain wisdom and calm as I advance in the years because I feel like I'm finally getting to the bottom of all these goals I had as a younger person.

Happy birthday to me!

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Overcome by Clutter: Action Plan

I've written about our efforts to become more minimalist in the past, so I also feel I should share when it's just not working out. Like now. OK. So, we were doing well several years ago, but I noticed the creeping of stuff started after Eloise was born. I think it was a mix of getting an influx of baby items and putting my guard down. It's an excuse, yes, but it's harder to stay on top of things with a baby/toddler around AND sometimes there's stress. And as much as I'd like to say it isn't true, I do still have stress-shopping tendencies.

We're all works in progress, right?

Anyway, as I sit in our basement playroom, I'm a bit disgusted. We have all these beautiful new and old toys strewn about. Many of them aren't getting good use. Instead of appreciating them, I'm incredibly annoyed at the moment. They're a giant source of stress for the adults and kids alike. Stress for me and Stephen because of constant pickup. Stress for the kids because there is so much, they're overwhelmed, hopping from thing to thing.

I woke up wanting to throw everything in the garbage. So, before I do something crazy, I decided to write this post. Thing is, I don't even know where to begin. The main level of our home is relatively tidy most of the time. Not ever when I hop onto Instagram for some reason, so that's a fairly true representation of what annoys me. It's nothing a half hour of picking up can't fix, though. The second level where we sleep? Yikes. It was clean before Christmas. Laundry abounds from all corners now, along with some Christmas items that never found proper places to live. And, of course, the basement is an absolute wreck.

Minimalism is about a lot more than just a clean house, and I think that's one area where we've strayed. Now, I also want to explain that I've always been more of a wannabe minimalist. We, as a family, are getting there. We're slowly arriving at a point where we're accepting the core principles of living with less excess and embracing those things with purpose. Anyone who's done it will tell you it takes time, and there will be back-sliding.

All of this is to say that today I have written up a short to-do list that I'm hoping will help get us back on the right track. And, at least at first, this mostly means clearing some stuff out so I can think. So we can ALL think.

• Donate/get rid of one bag of my own clothing. Re-create a capsule wardrobe for winter. 
• Have Stephen donate/get rid of a bag of his own clothing.
• Weed through Ada's and Eloise's clothing to store away anything that no longer fits them/is damaged/etc. or donate.
• Go through basement toys and pack away/donate at least one box of items that are no longer used or are damaged/missing pieces/etc.
• Reevaluate all toys and books in the living room. This is our most annoying area of clutter where Eloise's just grabs and throws things all over. We may temporarily eliminate toys in this space because it's getting to be too much at the present moment.
• Go through all mail and recycle/trash what isn't needed.
• Weed through kitchen drawers and donate/get rid of random cutlery, cups, appliances, etc. we're either not using or that's broken/missing pieces/etc.
• Identify a better storage area. We don't have many bins of storage, but keeping them in the garage isn't working out.
• Gather up a box of "maybe" miscellaneous things and put them away for a month or so to see if we actually need/want them to stay in our lives.

I'm hoping these activities will only take an hour or so, and I'm also hoping I can update you on my progress next week.

More Minimalism:

Eliminating the Maybe
7 Clutter Categories
Cleaning Week Snapshots
Wannabe Minimalists
Five Things I No Longer Buy

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Keeping the Momentum

As I drove myself to yoga last night in spitting snow and great whooshes of wind, I felt . . . tired. The walk from my car to the studio was a blustery one. We're having wind chills down in the -20 to -30 range today -- damn cold and unpleasant. It was also cloudy, grey, and already getting dark at 4:30. It was one of those times when I just didn't feel like doing what I was doing.

A true motivation slump only four days deep into the new year.

There are times when I wonder if I'm just not a terribly motivated person. I'm surrounded by men and women who are achieving greatness, if I want to get all Grey's Anatomy for a moment. I consider myself quite ordinary. There are people all around me who are doing truly extraordinary things. Things at their jobs. Things with their families. Things within the local community and, yes, even in the world. Heck, they're even doing incredible things at the gym or on the roads (ultra-marathon friends, how do you do it?).

Some of them seem to be doing it all at once, too.

And then there's me.
I feel spent a lot of the time.
I also feel I don't do that terribly much.
Am I lacking in some way?

I kept my foot cautiously hovering over the breaks as I made my way across town on the slop-covered roads. If an old friend of mine can perform an important surgery or diagnose a disease on the daily (many high school and college "friends" are doctors) . . . surely I can muster the courage to go to an hour-long yoga class. Surely.

I did; it felt good.

Where am I going with this?

I suppose it's all relative. The whole of life. What I do today may seem insurmountable to others just as what others do seems absolutely mind-blowing to me. I do think a lot of it boils down to momentum. Once you get going at a certain pace, it's the trick of maintaining it. It's having the endurance to continue on at whatever level you find yourself attaining. I think about my running "career". There are times when I've run fast and long with ease. Other times, it's been a crawl and struggle to . . . lace my shoes. The cycles change with the seasons of my life and my own goals and desires and external forces.

I'm resisting the pull to hibernate right now. In both my body and mind. Writing has felt good. While I do a great deal of writing for my freelance job (I'm in the middle of an article right now . . . but I needed a break), I haven't done much personal writing in years. When I had Writing Chapter Three, I'd regularly share essay-style posts about motherhood. Maybe I'll return to that.

The momentum I kept up back then also encouraged me to seek more opportunities. I'm trying to hop on that train now, as I took the first step in a project I've been planning for years yesterday. More on that when I finally get the time to do more. Whenever that is. You see, we all achieve greatness in our own ways, whether through larger or small victories. I truly believe that.

Anyway, consider this a gentle prod before the weekend to keep at doing whatever you're up to that's bringing you joy or fulfillment. The momentum is the hardest part, but -- yes -- you can do it. Take a walk break if your goal is to run a bit farther. Take a mental break if you're trying to accomplish something a bit more cerebral. And try your best not to compare yourself to others.

Remember, friends: It's all relative.

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Running After Baby // Week 14

It's been a while since I've written specifically about exercise. I'm doing a lot of it, despite what the number on the scale might tell you. (But that's another post for another day!)

(Old photo alert!)

Accomplishments:

I don't think I shared my 5K time from last month's race. Obviously I wasn't in any sort of racing shape. Still, I crossed the finish in 25:15. Not too shabby for two months postpartum. That's basically 8:08/mile. My ultimate goal with the 5K is to get under 22 minutes. My PR is something like 22:03, but I know it will take a while (and lots of track workouts) to get there.

Another huge win for me was running an 8-miler two weekends ago with my running buddy Ariana. This past weekend, Stephen and I ended up getting into a fencing project at home, so I actually only ran like 3 miles on Sunday. Next weekend, though, I'd like to tackle between 9-10 miles with my friend. It felt really great to run long again.

Really great.

Goals:

In my last running after baby post, I wrote about how I planned to run a 10-mile race in November. Unfortunately, I didn't realize at the time that the date of that race conflicts with one of Stephen's cross country races. A paid gig trumps paying to run in my book. So, I don't have a race on the calendar right now.

Regardless, I'm still following Hal Higdon's Half Marathon Novice plan. I'm currently in the middle of week 5, though my long run is a bit farther than is on the plan. I'll probably just aim to increase the distance of my longest run until I reach around 13 miles, hopefully by November. I like being in half marathon shape, whether or not I plan to run for speed, because I find that distance is pretty manageable to knock out on a weekend without cutting too much into family time.

For cross-training, I do kettlebells 3x/week for about a half hour. I do Barre3 online 2x/week for about half an hour as well. I also take some walks to round things out. I do yoga to decompress at least once a week, but I'd love to find time for daily practice, even if that means just 10 minutes.

Other goals include getting a bit speedier with my general training pace. I run between 8:30-9:30 for most of my training runs. I'd love that to be more between 8-9.

Big Shift:

The biggest difference in my running these days is that I do most of it before the sun comes up. Stephen leaves for work relatively early. So, unless I set my alarm and nurse Eloise, I'm out of luck. Our treadmill is acting funky, too, so we need to get that looked at. I can usually fit in 3-5 miles in the morning, which is all I really need to do during the week.

I may even dare to say I'm enjoying being a morning runner. It's basically the only time that belongs to me during the day. It's the only time I find that I have quiet, which is important to me. So, yeah. I'm digging it. I know my body feels more sluggish in the morning. That's something I need to work on -- warming up.

Right now, I'm most excited for fall running. The leaves are already starting to change. I may drive out to the country and do some runs when the colors are wild and pretty. I love listening to the wind go through the trees and re-fueling with cider and donuts.

What are you most excited about in your fitness routine?

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Budget Notes

We start over again with our budget each September. Usually our bank account is somehow low after a summer of no teacher paychecks. We expect it and plan for it, but we use the "scare" as an opportunity to reassess the financial goings-on in our household. This year -- yeah -- the "scare" is worse than usual after three long months of my freelancer maternity leave. In other words, 12 unpaid weeks of summer.

I'm painting a rather dismal picture here. We're not that bad off. We have money for all our bills, to put healthy food on the table, for school clothes and more. But if you're in a family that has a variable income, I think you get me. And it's usually when the limbo stick is low that something like our furnace or central air dies. (Oh, wait. That already happened!)

I thought I'd share some budget goals today. We have quite a few, especially now that we're a family of four. My head had come up out of those newborn waters, and I'm finally ready to start with working and cooking all our meals and finding ways to save rather than spend again.

Top of our list:

Lower the grocery budget (again). 

This item is always on my list because I always feel there are ways to improve. Over the summer, we spent a lot of money on food. Cooking from scratch wasn't happening as often for obvious reasons and we also got into some packaged food habits. We were using the Hello Fresh service to help out, and I'm glad we did it. But the budget isn't roomy enough for that anymore.

My goal number is $100/week, which would average out to around $433 for the year. I think I could likely go lower, but this is a start. I'll also need to figure in the $20+ we have already spent on our CSA farm share. If you'll remember, we used to spend just $50 a week when it was just the two of us. So, $100 seems like more than enough.

Actions:

• Stop going to Wegmans already! Embrace Aldi because Aldi is awesome.
• Menu plan for two weeks at a time. SHOP for two weeks at a time.
• Eliminate random trips to the grocery store. Avoid buying food at other stores (and, OK, also  try to stop shopping at stores like Target that creep into funds).
• Use cash to pay for groceries and don't take debit card on shopping trips.

Start the freekend tradition (again). 

We have also gotten into the habit of going out to eat and spending money left and right on entertainment. Now that our schedules are so hectic, I think we'll be spending more time at home doing simple things to pass the time. I'd like to do "freekends" for three out of the four (or so) weekends a month. On that one spend weekend? I'd like to keep whatever we do around $25.

Wow that sounds tight, doesn't it? The thing is -- you don't HAVE to spend anything to have fun. There are so many parks around here. That's free fun. We have so many toys and games at the house. That's free fun. We love and need to cook more -- that's essentially free fun (because we like cooking together). We can even spend some of the food budget on apple-picking.

It won't always be this way, but entertainment is such an easy place to cut back on if needed. So, why not lean it out for a while and use that money where's it's needed?

Pay off smaller debts. 

That's right. We do have places we need to be pitching more money. For example, we installed some carpeting in our basement when we moved in and took advantage of a 0% financing for 4 years thing. We're close to paying it off -- but I'd love for it to be off my budget. Likewise, when our central air died over the summer, we took on a couple thousand in debt for a new system (blame the fact that I had had a baby two days earlier and it was nearly 100 degrees). The interest rate is relatively low, but I'd love to pitch money toward it to pay it off early, ASAP.

The other ares where we still have debt include student loans (for each of us -- more than our mortgage) and car payments (for two used cars). Three of the four of these debts will be paid off in two years, and we will do a happy dance when they're done. Like, seriously. I loved my (private) college experience, but if I could do it all over again? I'd probably go to a state school instead.

Start purposeful savings. 

We have three months of expenses in our bank account right now. I'd like it to be six, as it usually is, and we're actually on target for that by the end of the school year. Go us! As we get closer to age 35, I really feel like we should have more than this, though.

Anyway, instead of just randomly using some of this money to pay for vacations or whatever else, I'd like to have a separate savings for a vacation (we do just one per year). I'd also like to be throwing a bit more money into a college fund, but I am always conflicted on that, which is probably a topic for another day.

Assess the work situation.

Right now, I am just dipping my toe back into freelancing waters. When I had Ada, I didn't work until she was six or seven months old. I need to see how much I can realistically work this first year without childcare (when I had Ada, my parents lived near us -- now we're on our own).

Stephen coaches two seasons of sports (cross country and track), which brings in some very nice additional income to take the edge off. Anyway, we need to figure out the best mix of work for me to meet our bills and savings goals while also being able to keep our household running and taking care of the kids.

Do you have any new budget goals? 

How do you plan to meet them?

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Running After Baby // Week 9

Here's a topic I've wanted to write more about on the blog for a long time: Running! It seems like years since I've engaged in any sort of formal training. Or since I've had any real running goals. I am beyond ready to dive in and get my legs back.

This run was a promising start.

A photo posted by A S H L E Y // neverhomemaker (@neverhomemaker) on Aug 15, 2016 at 5:24am PDT

Two of the five miles (miles 3 and 4) were run under 8-minute pace (7:55, 7:53). Boy did I feel it today! As the mornings get slightly cooler, I can see my paces getting faster. I really don't like running in the summer sun and humidity, so I am looking forward to more runs like this one once the fall weather sets in.

Goals:

I am currently following the Hal Higdon novice 1 half marathon plan with hopes of running a 10-miler in mid-November. I don't have a pace goal at this point. I'm just looking to start my journey by getting my endurance back.

A photo posted by A S H L E Y // neverhomemaker (@neverhomemaker) on Aug 1, 2016 at 5:35am PDT

If you've followed me a long while, you know that running full marathons isn't my thing. I have trained and gotten injured too many times to want to attempt that distance anytime soon (or ever) again. So, my ultimate training goal -- long term -- is to finish a half marathon in under 1:40. I tried a few years after Ada was born and go close with something in the 1:42 range.

But that's a long way off. Right now? I'm getting ready to lace up at the start of a 5K tomorrow night. I'd love to just run under 8:30s the whole time, but I am worried I may have spent my speedy legs too soon this week. We shall see what happens. I'm more interested in getting back into the running culture in our area. I used to do Sunday long runs every week with a great group of women, and I miss that time!

Other stuff:

I'm experimenting with becoming a morning runner. I much prefer running in the evening, but Stephen's cross country schedule will end up conflicting with that. I am finding if I wake up whenever Eloise eats around 5-6 AM, that I love getting out and starting the day by sweating. I usually have to pump a bit, but it's been nice to build a little breast milk stash that way.

I have set a goal this month to start doing core exercises. I have been totally cleared and all that jazz. I do some already through Barre, but I might ask Stephen to "train" me by encouraging me to do what he has this athletes do. I'll report back progress. I'd also like to get into the groove with doing push-ups again. It's been a really long time. I can do like 10 without whining, and I used to do 50 with no problem!

Last, we live a mile from a track, so I'm hoping -- like I did after I had Ada -- to do a timed mile soon. From there, I like to track my progress and see how that mile time gets faster as the months go on. I will probably do that starting next week and go from there. My fastest mile two months postpartum last time around was 7:45.

What's on your race calendar or goals list lately? 

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Goals for 2016

So, one of my big blogging goals for this year is to finally (FINALLY) get into regular vlogging. I’ve really gotten into watching vlogs over the last year or so, and I think it’s such a personal way to connect to other people. This morning I got all gussied up, filmed a 10-minute clip, and now YouTube won’t let me upload it.

While I deal with the technical difficulties, I thought I’d forge on with my post about a few other goals I have for this year.

* I also plan to start using my GOOD camera again. I had to get it fixed! So, no more recycled Instagram photos pretty soon. Promise.

#1: Family Dinner

I’ve brought up family dinner so many times. We struggle to make it work for a variety of reasons. Laziness. Poor meal planning. Fussy preschoolers. But the moment the clock struck midnight, I just knew I wanted this whole family dinner thing to happen.

Meal planning is one of the biggest hurdles, and we’ve got that covered so far. From there, it’s making sure everything is ready for meal time around 5:30 to 6. Thing is, that’s when I like to work out, so it’s taken some adjustment to get in my exercise earlier in the day. The early morning hours aren’t working out quite yet, but I have been consistently able to shift my schedule and move my freelancing around to make it work.

A few rules at our table?

• No phones, devices, or televisions in the background.
• Ada helps lay out the plates, utensils, and cups.
• Each person gets a turn to share something about the day.
• All food on the plate gets at least one “try” bite. (for Ada)

I don’t know how it will all work when Stephen’s coaching starts up again in the spring. But I think if we get into the habit the next couple months, it shouldn’t be too difficult to keep it up.

#2: Clearing Out

We began this major purge of belongings when we broke ground on our at-home gym (details on that project soon!). We have . . . just . . . so much stuff. I don’t know how it happened. I think moving into a large house is to blame. Not taking the time to really look at what we have before buying new. Not taking the time to repair and respect the things we already have. And just the general habit of emotional shopping. Clothing is my trigger.

So, we’re starting small. First, just going room by room and getting rid of the broken or trash things that we cannot salvage. Donating a few items that just don’t fit into our lifestyle. I’d also like to sell a few things we have in the garage that are in good condition. Once we find out the sex of the baby, I may (or may not!) be able to donate and sell a bundle of girl clothing. But we have a long way to go. I look forward to sharing more as we go.

We like having more space in this home, but it will get cramped when the baby arrives. Plus, it’s just nice to have room to move and breathe. Oh, and saving money by being more conscious of our STUFF buying habits will surely help.

#3: Slowing Down

I feel like these are the same goals I have each and every year. It doesn’t make them any less worthwhile, but it always reminds me of how far my mind can stray from the ideals in my life. We get so wrapped up in the everyday. We get so tired from going and going and going. I’m trying to take more time to sit back and really participate in what’s going on in the moment.

We usually speed home after Ada’s preschool class and rush into lunch with a television show. Then I usually run around the house picking up and cleaning what I can in a crazy tornado of energy before it’s nap time and work time. Today? We got home, I preheated the oven, and I slipped an apron on. Ada did, too. Then we baked Pecan Chocolate Chip Cookies, boiled eggs, and mixed together dough to make Homemade Bagels.

In all, our activity took like an hour . . . but it was such good quality time. And definitely worth the crunch of cleaning the kitchen in 15 minutes versus a half hour or whatever I usually spend. Good start. Tomorrow I’m thinking art.

#4: Moving

This is the first year in a long time (ever?) that I haven’t had some sweeping diet and exercise goal. Yes, it’s easy because I’m pregnant and stand to gain at least 25-30 pounds by June. But wow does it feel liberating. Instead, I’ve committed to moving my body 45 minutes a day. Lately I’ve been doing most of that on the treadmill because it’s cold and slick outdoors.

Today, for example, I walked 45 minutes on our treadmill while I caught up on the phone with a faraway friend. I also plan to do a quickie 15-20 minute Barre workout before dinner.

Food goals? I hope to continue to nourish my body with the good stuff . . . and my soul with the usual delights. This year is all about taking care of myself, my baby, and my family. I need the fuel, and I know that diet and weight goals can wait.

#5: Looking Ahead

I’m really happy with my freelance writing career. But I’d be lying if I told you I think I’m working as efficiently or well as I could. I do all my assignments on time, give them everything I have, and I really enjoy the places I write for. I also enjoy blogging. But I’d like to get more proactive about these activities. I think a lot has to do with my own endeavors, too. I have so many ideas and thoughts, but I just haven’t had the mental space to develop them beyond the

I’m moving most of my work up to my dedicated office so I can feel a true separation between work and home. That’s what I struggle with most in all of this. If I want, I can write from bed or on the couch. But that creates issues and makes me feel so much less organized. I want to feel totally on top of all things at all times. It will especially become important later in the year.

I’d also like to develop a plan for my personal writing. Last year I was published in a regional magazine, and it was one of my biggest 2015 highlights. Have I written for myself since? Nope. But I have essay ideas. Lots of them. I’d like to write and submit at least one or two pieces this year.

*   *   *   *   *

I’d love to hear what’s on your list this year!

And once I get that video published, I’ll share it with you! I already feel so refreshed being back and writing again. Thank you so much for reading and for all your awesome comments and feedback.

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Homesteading // Spring Is Near

We had over two feet of snow on the ground just a few days ago. It’s melted to less than six inches, and I’m starting to see brown blades of grass peeking out. Along with the earth’s thawing, my own body and mind are warming up to the idea of being outdoors again. After the winter we’ve had, it doesn’t even seem real that we’ll soon be able to walk around without all the bulk. And I certainly have a lot I want to do with our “land” (errr, backyard) and there are tons of other projects that extend indoors as well.

I plan to share some of our spring goals soon, but I thought I’d first give you an update on how we did with our winter homesteading goals . . .

Research Chickens: I did some good reading about chickens and feel like I have a handle on the things that are involved with finding them, making a place for them to live, caring for them, etc. That being said, I think this year isn’t the time to get started with the endeavor because our attention is definitely sucked in too many other places. My conclusion is that raising backyard chickens isn’t something to take lightly, so I think we’re going to push out the timeline a couple years.

Make Soap: Instead of making soap, I opted to get friendly with beeswax, making candles and ornaments, and all different types of lip balms and salves (like Natural Vapor Rub). I’m even considering making the ornaments for sale next year because I had so much fun and friends + family seemed to really like them. Since I had spent a chunk of money on getting supplies for these projects, I figured I’d wait on the soap stuff -- maybe I’ll add this one to my spring list.

Make Cheese: I did make cheese! Just not mozzarella. We love Indian food, so in an effort to stop eating out as often, I tried making paneer at home using this recipe. It worked out pretty well, but didn’t hold together quite as I had hoped. It kind of reminded me of when I tried making it a few years ago except it was in more solid form. Overall, I’m excited to try some different cheeses.

Plan Garden: This year I’m going to stick to the confines of our current raised bed garden which is about 6 feet by 10 feet. I found a nice garden layout guide that I’m going to loosely follow. Right now I’m starting my seeds indoors versus buying plants like we’ve done in the past. I’ll be honest, I’m worried nothing will grow indoors or that the cats will eat any sprigs that do pop up. Only time will tell! At least the seeds were all 50% off.

Knitting, Etc.: I had a lot of fun knitting with my Martha Stewart Loom Kit this winter. I made two hats for myself, one for Stephen, and a hat and cowl set that Ada wore to school most every day. It was sort of amazing that we all actually wore the stuff I made because I’ve knitted in the past but just never finished anything. I think I’ll probably slow on the knitting when we’re outdoors more, but I’d like to extend my skills next year into some more intricate stitches and projects.

And don’t miss . . .

Related Posts

Cleaning With Baking Soda Basics
Cleaning With Vinegar Basics
Homesteading Stuff You Can Buy at the $1 Store
DIY Natural Lotion Cubes
10 Smart Ways to Use Epsom Salts
Powerful DIY Laundry Detergent
5 Green Cleaners That Work
5-Minute Homemade Deodorant
8 Ways We've Eliminated Plastics
Cleaning Produce The Natural Way
Chemical-Free Clean With Castile Soap

* Here’s the image source for the 1800s garden above.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

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It Stops Today

I need to start taking better care of myself. I have completely let this TTC thing take over my life. What I have to show for it is a bunch of extra weight around my hips, thighs, and mid-section. This isn’t the “good” kind of weight people sometimes gain to aid with fertility either. It’s come from lots of sugar-loaded treats (compounded by Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas) and a sharp decrease in exercise. And much self-induced stress, of course.

Sure, I’ve gone up a couple dress sizes. Overall, it’s not horribly noticeable from an outsider perspective, but that’s not really the point. By any means. I worry I’ll continue to climb and climb because this is about way more than food. I am out of control right now. I am happy I can fully admit it, too, because it’s difficult to type out that statement for friends and foes to read, I assure you.

I’ll say it again: I cannot control the whole journey I’m on . . . but it’s certainly controlling all aspects of my life. The worst part? I’m letting it. I’ve submitted because I haven’t known what else to do. It’s time to take the wheel and gently guide myself in a new direction. Besides making more doctor appointments and continuing to figure out what’s going on, I need to, yes, take better care of myself.

Obviously, I am not going to go on any detoxes, fasts, or other major dietary shifts because I eat pretty healthfully as it is -- for my main meals. Plus, I don’t want to further jeopardize my fertility by losing weight at a rapid rate. Having a disordered history with makes this sort of thing difficult to undertake. I have a lot of emotions tied to weight and eating that I’ve worked for years to sort through.

So, I’m keeping my head clear and my thoughts level.


Moderation, right? And maybe slight modification. For example, these muffins -- which I’ll share Monday -- are insanely healthy, quick to grab, and are essentially just oatmeal and shredded apples and carrots. Versus chocolate chippers. I think with a little mix of portion control, fewer desserts, and continued low-glycemic foods, I’ll get things rolling.

I’m going to start with the following goals.

// Follow a “Weekends Off” Approach: I’ve had good success in the past with eating healthy meals throughout the week and skipping desserts, my admitted downfall, and then indulging on weekends. I’m thinking this will help tame my all-day cookie habit and my crazy post-BFN bottles of champagne. I know what I’m doing “wrong” is what I’m saying here. But I am also not willing to totally restrict my lifestyle because I really do love food and drink and think there’s a happy medium between constantly indulging and one hundred percent abstinence.

// Swap Out Bread: Well, at least sometimes. When I eat fewer desserts, I tend to sneak more slices of bread into my day. There’s a whole host of living foods I could be filling my stomach with instead. I’d like to swap out toast for a sweet potato with our breakfast for dinner night. Or maybe do quinoa on the side versus a dinner roll. I’m still going to continue eating my sprouted grains, but I realize they are still bready bread bread.

// Continue to Push the Protein: And healthy fats. I feel incredible when I’m eating the appropriate amount of protein for my body. Whether or not I lose weight. It just takes a little more work to choose these foods than grabbing convenient carbs. Which leads me to . . .

// Hone Meal Prep: I’ve become somewhat lazy with my meal prep lately when it comes to breakfast and lunch. I’ve been making dinners like a pro, though. Keep up the good work with that. Get some Slow Cooker Oats in the crock pot going. Chop some veggies so they’re ready to grab for quick snacks. I’ll probably start doing a post every now and again on meal prep, and I know a lot of you guys liked that.

// Then comes fitness:

I tried keeping up with my usual running mileage (30 miles per week, sometimes more) when we started TTC. After a few months (and when things with my body started getting funky), I thought something so easy as dropping mileage and intensity might do the trick. I’d say I was running more like between 10-20 miles a week depending on the time in my cycle. This is despite the fact that I just looked back on my pregnancy with Ada and realized I PRed at a 4-mile race and ran a 12 mile long run within days of getting my positive test. Sigh.

I’m not going to go crazy ramping up my mileage right now or introducing long runs when it’s -20 outside. But I’d like to make a goal of hitting around 20 miles a week at a steady pace. No “training” or trying to hit any sort of time goals. Some days I go out and it’s like 9:20/mile. Last night I ran 5 at 8:40. Whatever. I feel less stressed when I keep up with the running, and I don’t think it’s hurting anything reproductively speaking.

Otherwise, I’d like to add another mini-workout to a few days a week. Something that’s 15-25 minutes long. It could be some body weight stuff or a Barre or yoga video online. Anything that relates to toning and isn’t high intensity cardio. I figure I can manage adding it in the AM before I start my work for the day or perhaps during nap time.

This post feels like some strange personal journal entry. Weird, but I felt like sharing if it might help shake someone else out of something they’re going through. In short: I am hoping that focusing on myself again will help my body and mind relax. There are like 10,000 other things running through my head right now (like how I’m not directly addressing my mental health -- but I promise you, that’s not lost in all of this, they’re just interconnected), but this post is already quite long. Thanks for reading. Sometimes it’s just helpful to sort out my thoughts in black and white.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

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Goals For 2015

I’m approaching the year with a series of small exercises that I think will help keep me happy, sane, and motivated to be well in all areas of my life. I tried my best to keep my list short and attainable. And I’d love to hear if you have any of these same goals!

Be Grateful

If you haven’t noticed already, I get caught up in the half empty side of things more often than not. I’m blessed in many ways and could really use some work on my positive thinking. So, instead of making a sweeping goal of “being more positive” in the new year, I’ve started a journal where I intend to write a short entry each day (a few sentences to a paragraph or so) on the people, places, and things that are the light in my life. I’m hoping through the act of writing, I might better connect with my internal positivity in a more tangible way.

Be Well

Those six years of resolutions showed me that I’ve never gotten a handle on the eating habits that irk me the most. Namely, sugar. I’ve made some incredible strides by striving to eat lower glycemic foods. However, part of being well is also gaining more confidence in my own skin. I plan to write a post soon about how I’m finding better peace at the weight I’m at now. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not a still a work-in-progress. I’ve gained an additional 10 pounds since September due to various stuff, and I’d like to (slowly) chip away at losing some of that weight just by continuing better habits versus dieting or detoxing.

Be Organized

I function infinitely better when my home is clean and organized. When my inbox isn’t piled up with unread messages. When my financial obligations -- bills, taxes, etc. -- are out out envelopes or scheduled in advance. In 2015, I will do one thing each day to improve either the cleanliness, organization, or overall function of our household. This could be something as small as taking five minutes to recycle all the piled up junk mail to something bigger, like finishing my office. Breaking large tasks into small chunks will assure I can get it accomplished. I also want to create a general cleaning calendar for routine tasks, like laundry.

Be Active

But not in the athletic sense. I want to do more with my time. A lot of it is tied up with work or being a mom, but I definitely have a free hour or two I could be using more wisely. At least one night a week, I want to stop watching our usual shows and do something different. It could be working on a project, putting additional time into my writing, going out and trying a class, volunteering, etc. By mid-year, I’d like to shift that to two or three nights each week. To help, I would like to start getting up earlier in the morning. This goal is still in formation.

Be Creative 

I’ve started to write on the side of my, well, writing. I submitted a creative essay I wrote to a local magazine, and it’s going to be published! It’s this sort of creativity I want to continue. I get a lot out of writing, so rather than continually trudge forward with countless articles and blog posts (I’ll keep those, too) -- I want to take time to let my more creative side through and create more personal work. I’d like to research a couple more publishing opportunities (likely magazines) in the new year.

Do you share any of these goals for 2015?

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. Chat with us on Twitter or Facebook. And you can always email us with your questions and comments.

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Six Years Of Goals

It’s sort of crazy to have a blog that chronicles the last six or so years of my life in somewhat great detail. Not only do I see my thoughts written out in black and white -- I also get a new perspective on the sorts of stuff I was dealing with at the time. Sometimes good. Sometimes embarrassing. Such is blogging for any length of time and making yourself vulnerable. I’ve come to peace with it (and developed a good callus).

When I was in my twenties, most of my resolutions revolved around -- surprise -- my body. Lose weight. Get fit or fitter. Eat better, but usually with the ultimate goal of losing weight. I’m not saying this is normal or expected of all 20-somethings everywhere, but it’s surely different from how my mind (and body) works these days.

Anyway, I thought it’d be fun to rewind, especially for those of you who have been on this ride with me for the long haul. Can you believe how much we’ve changed? The things we’ve accomplished? Or how our priorities have shifted?

// For example, 2009 started with a grand detox diet. And spoiler alert -- so did 2010! I’m not trying to diminish the merits of taking chunks of time to really examine diet and food and general lifestyle. Trying new foods and recipes is important and fun.

However, none of this extreme stuff ever stuck with me beyond the first month of those years.


// In 2011, I thought I wanted to venture into fish-eating territory after quitting it when I was only twelve years old. If you’ve followed a long while, you’ve probably noticed that I flirt with eating seafood, but it never sticks. These days, I’ve given up. I’ve tried baking it, ordering it out, and otherwise keeping an open mind -- and I never get hooked.

I had a lot of other goals for that year, including simplifying my life and drinking less. Oh, yeah. that last part was probably a tell because we were soon to get pregnant with Ada, so I figured that goal would be a sure success!


// Twenty-twelve started with my weight loss journey a few months after giving birth to Ada. More detox stuff. Gosh, I usually start off the new year so hard on myself and my body. What strikes me now is how I was actually thinner back in my twenties, but I was always unhappy with my body.

What a sad way to live.

Things are always much clearer in retrospect!


// Then in 2013, I considered going vegan again. Or at least rely more heavily on plants for the bulk of my nutrition. I also had a sort of crisis this year with my identity, and my full list of goals was an attempt to learn some new hobbies and gain myself back after getting a little sucked in by parenthood.

Surprisingly (or not), I actually attained a lot of my goals. I think it’s because I made them measurable and specific. Go me!


// For 2014, I set out to have more sustainable fitness goals. And I think I did pretty well blending exercise with my everyday life while still kicking butt. (After all, I PRed in the 5K and half marathon in 2014 without training taking over my free time and without getting injured.) I don’t think I made a ton of goals for myself last year because we were still in the whole Ada’s surgery after-shock. But the rest of the year, I went somewhat easy on myself. Maybe a sign of laziness. Maybe a sign of maturity. Or perhaps a mix.

What will this year bring?

I haven’t written it up yet, but I’ll be sure to share soon. Those of you who keep diaries or blogs -- do you ever go back and peek in on yourself? Sometimes I’m surprised and pleased with my thoughts. Other times, I’m mortified. Regardless, I’m glad I have the notes. A learning from history sort of thing, right?

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. Chat with us on Twitter or Facebook. And you can always email us with your questions and comments.

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5 Winter Homesteading Goals

Now that winter is almost here, my homesteading projects have slowed considerably. I used to spend quite a bit of time outdoors gathering up our garden’s tomatoes. I’d also spend hours in the kitchen on the weekend making recipes to fill our freezer with or otherwise preserving our CSA foods for the season ahead.

With the cold, we’ve retreated. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped my progress toward my goals. Instead, they have shifted to stuff I can do indoors. I’m sure I’ll have more to add to this list, but for right now, I’m trying to keep the focus simple and plain. If you have experience with any of these items, I’d love to hear from you! Sharing knowledge and skills is one of the greatest (and FREE!) gifts we can give one another.

1. Research Chickens

This may be premature, as I haven’t yet checked with our town for local ordinances, but I’d like to consider raising a few backyard chickens. We eat so many eggs each week, though I have read that the price and upkeep of the chickens doesn’t necessarily save lots of money on eggs. I also think the experience would be worth it. There are a lot of pros and cons, so this winter I’d like to do the initial research to see if chickens might be a good fit for our family and our goals. Friends who have chickens (and I know quite a few!), I’ll likely be pecking at your brain for ideas!

2. Make Soap

Along with the DIY Lotion Cubes, Natural Vapor Balm, Homemade Deodorant, Green Cleaning Supplies, and other things I’ve been mixing in the kitchen, I’d like to try my hand at making soap. And after I get the hang of basic soap, I’d love to expand the idea to make my own shampoo bars!

3. Make Cheese

I had everything ready and set to start making cheese in the fall, and the weekend I planned to do it got swallowed up in a house full of sickness. There are few ingredients needed, it’s mostly the time and attention that I need. With so many months indoors, I’m sure I’ll finally get my chance. Here’s the recipe for homemade mozzarella I planned to start with.

4. Plan Garden

We have a small raised bed garden in our new backyard. This year, the previous owners had planed the thing full of mostly cherry tomatoes. We enjoyed them, but next year I’d like to expand and diversify. Several of you have recommended the book Square Foot Gardening, so I’ll be picking up a copy to aid in my education on the matter. I think we’ll still keep the operation somewhat small this year, but hopefully grow as we learn more. Of all veggies, I’m most interested in sprouting up some dinosaur kale!

5. Knitting, Etc.

If you follow my other blog, you know I recently picked up the Martha Stewart Loom and Weaving Kit. Of course, most of my occupation with the thing is just a hobby. But I’d love to learn how to create more than basic scarves and hats. I found this cool mitten tutorial on YouTube, and I even have aspirations of stitching together a sweater someday. Wool is my favorite fiber, and I’d love to create a homemade stock of woolen items for all these chilly months we experience every year. Plus, it’s relaxing!

And don’t miss . . .

Related Posts

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10 Smart Ways to Use Epsom Salts
Powerful DIY Laundry Detergent
5 Green Cleaners That Work
5-Minute Homemade Deodorant
8 Ways We've Eliminated Plastics
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Chemical-Free Clean With Castile Soap

* Here’s the image source for the 1800s garden above.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

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Blaming My Weight Gain On My Family

I mean, I'd like someone else to blame besides myself when it comes to these extra 7 pounds I'm carrying around. Yesterday I may have discovered I lost one whole pound over the course of a week, but the scale bounces back every other day it seems. (Which is why I hate using it to measure in the first place. PS: Have you seen this 5 pounds of fat versus muscle photo?)

OK. So, one of the hardest parts about trying to lose weight now versus when I was younger is -- as mentioned in the title -- having a family. Well, having a husband was enough, too -- but now I'm responsible for making sure my toddler's belly is full with good foods at all meals. I no longer stock the refrigerator entirely for myself. I don't cook meals just for me. I can't necessarily eat meals when I feel like eating or shift according to my particular schedule on any given day. Or cater randomly to my own mood or feelings.

Yeah. Call me a whaaambulance. But balancing food, diet, and family is difficult.

Don't you agree?

When I was working outside the home, I had control over my breakfast and lunch because I ate these meals alone for the most part. I had a good, no, great routine down and certain go-to meals that worked, but since I started working from home (Video), this has all changed. I now cook almost all our meals -- save breakfast -- with the entire family in mind.

Stephen runs over 50 miles a week, along with some intense cross-training, so he eats like a college athlete and is rail thin. And somehow I'm surprised when I match his eating and gain weight. Hmmm. Ada, on the other hand, goes every other day with being super picky and I feel like I often spend much more energy paying attention to what she's eating and neglecting my own plate in the process. However, unlike a common mistake a lot of moms make, I'm not forgetting to eat. Quite the opposite. I grab whatever is most convenient and filling and pleasurable to fill my stomach and move onto the next task.

And with being so busy and distracted, I've also allowed my mental energy at meals to dwindle. I find myself rushing through meals, even when Stephen and I get a chance to head out to eat ourselves. The food is gone in two seconds flat because I'm so used to shifting my attention to the next thing. Food has truly become fuel, and I guzzle whatever gives me the most energy, even if it's candy.

It sounds like a bunch of excuses and I know I could be managing it better. I think it was important for me to pinpoint the whole family thing as an issue, though. Now I can try and move past it. So far, my non-dieting methods are working OK. I can't say I've been able to stick with all of them, but here's a check-in:

// Move More: 

I did three 30-minute moderate intensity bike rides in addition to my running last week. They were at a pace that would be similar to a brisk walk. I think it helped me not only get my body moving to burn some calories, but also got my energy up through nothing more than additional activity. So far this week, I haven't been doing as well, so maybe I'll get on that today.

// Drink Less: 

Geez.

It was a holiday weekend, and I feel whenever Stephen is home, it's not a weekday . . . even if it's, say, Monday. I would like to limit drinking to one drink maybe twice a week. But I definitely had drinks 3 or 4 nights in a row, probably because I was solo nervous about Ada's MRI. Back to sparkling water for me this week. I notice a huge difference in bloat even from just one drink.

// Challenge My Body:

I did a great interval workout last week, but then we got another snow storm, so it was difficult to get in some harder workouts running-wise. Once the clouds parted, I did head out and do a challenging hill-repeat workout on the snow-covered sidewalks/roads. It wasn't as fast as I would have normally done it, but I was proud of myself for doing the hills and not skipping them and making excuses regarding weather. I ran 29 miles outside last week.

// Add More Veggies:

I definitely did a good job with this one. I like making lunches using frozen veggies and topping with eggs. That's a really easy way to do it. Otherwise, if we made pizza, we topped it heavily with vegetables. And I put a nice dose of greens on the side of most meals last week. Adding more protein for breakfast has helped my mornings, though.

// Skip Dessert (On Occasion):

I did OK for a couple days, but then I was back again with those "healthy" Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bites . . . and that sort of did me in. I need to work on this area this week. I used to make chocolate greek yogurt, like this "recipe" here, and maybe that will be my new go-to, at least for a while.

// Wear Real Clothes: 

Yup. It's not as comfortable, but wearing my jeans and regular shirts sure does keep me aware of how my body feels. I'd be lying if I told you I like wearing my real clothes right now. They are tight and actually put me in a bad mood. I wish I could be more motivating and positive about my current body image, but it's the truth.

// Write it Down:

I started the week trying to track some stuff using MyFitnessPal, but honestly -- I don't like entering numbers. I get too caught up in it -- so I stopped. Instead, I think I might try something written out versus on the computer. I like the idea of this weight chart and a little incentive system (yeah, apparently we use bribes for Ada . . . and I think they might work for me, too!).

POUNDS LOST: Looks like 1 lb in a 1 week. At least that seems sustainable.

Are you trying to lose weight? How is it going for you?

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

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Sustainable Fitness: Redefining Success

Once you've assessed your (unique) situation with regard to fitness + life, it's time to set a goal for yourself. No matter what's going on, having some goal -- any goal -- is essential to sticking with an exercise program. But with so many races and milestones, it can be hard to choose just one.

Even more frustrating can be mixing up your own goal with the goals of others.

Here's an abridged history of my own running goals:

• When I started running, I had an immediate desire to run a 5K distance so I could participate in a race. It took me an entire summer to reach that distance goal. It took me a year beyond that to muster the courage to sign up for an event.
• After I'd been running several years and had a variety of races under my belt, I became active in our local runners club. Seemed like every runner on Earth (besides me) had run a marathon (or 10), was training to run a marathon, or was considering training for a marathon. Eventually I got sucked in and spent months preparing for my first 26.2 mile race.
• Then, of course, because that first race didn't go as planned, I wanted/needed to break 4 hours. So, I devoted the bulk of a year to reaching this goal -- ultimately ending in 1 DNF, 1 DNS . . . and lots of heartbreak + injury.
• When I was pregnant, I just wanted to run as long into the trimesters as possible. I ended up completing a half marathon at the end of my first trimester, a 15K long run at 20 weeks, but after not too long -- speed and distance didn't matter anymore. I just wanted to move to move (and did until around 37 weeks). 
• As a new mom, I wanted to regain the speed and endurance I had sacrificed for over a year, so the motivation was getting back into previous shape and beating my best half marathon time.

Now, though, I'm in this weird crossroads.

I don't have some glaring motivation. Racing hasn't been as enticing. It all takes coordination, babysitting, and money. I don't feel I have anything to prove to myself (though I do get fleeting desires to beat old times -- I think we all do) or others. Honestly, I could see getting pregnant again in the next year or so, and I don't want to make any huge plans (sub-4 marathon, I'm talking to you!) I might later want/need to break.

What I've focused on:

• Instead of trying to get in 30 miles a week, every week -- I focus on running a certain number of days per week (for me, it's 4 or 5). Of course, I like reaching certain distances and try to keep one weekly long run over 10 miles, but it doesn't always happen.
• Half marathons have become my sweet spot because I've reached a level of fitness where I can compete with myself . . . but not give up my entire life to do so. By reaching to run at least one double digits run on a weekend, it's only a few weeks to step up to the 13.1 mile distance, so I like that comfort zone.
• I run fast on days when I feel like running fast. On days when I feel run down, I take things slower. If I find I'm feeling slow for a long period of time, I figure out why. If I feel like I have excess energy, I take full advantage.
• There are a number of local, inexpensive races from the 5K to marathon distance. Many allow sign-up the day of. If I'm feeling it, I race. If not, I do my own thing and pocket the $$$. Sticking to local races with less rigid signup processes has been helpful.

That all being said, I surely go through periods of time when my training calendar is blank and I just run without a watch or set path. There are also times when I buckle down and train hard to race. I am actually beginning to figure out my spring half marathon calendar because I'd like to get closer to 1:40 this time around. We shall see!

Basically: 

• Having kids or a busy full-time job or some other situation that makes running/exercise more inconvenient isn't necessarily an excuse to do less. In fact, several of you have said these things have inspired you to shift around your lifestyle or even do more. 
• For me, I've had to scale back from my previous running/exercise schedule to feel like my best self. But it's all about what works for you in your situation.
• At the end of the day, I like to get my work done + deadlines crossed off. I like to relax and spend time with my family. I sleep well, prepare healthy meals, and -- because it's still very important to me -- I move my body. I run for health, both physical and mental.
• If I can do all of these things and still feel happy and energized, I use this as my definition of success. To me, that's what sustainable exercise is all about. If one of these life areas starts overtaking the others for too long, I step back and reevaluate.

Do you feel your exercise/life are in balance? What do you do to keep them that way or adjust when you need a change?

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Fall + Change + Thoughts

I marvel at people who can turn their frustration and anxiety into productive energy. I try my best -- if for no other reason than to keep my sanity -- but I am usually unable to move. Utterly paralyzed. Stephen's one of these super-human creatures and, for example, has run more miles this month than perhaps in any other week of his training. I, on the other hand, didn't even care to count. I know last week's miles could be counted on just one hand.

Life is crazy. Motivation ebbs and flows with each hour, depending on what's going on. And now that we have now passed the biggest hurdle in our current situation and Ada's on the mend, I'm slowly feeling more enticed by these gorgeous fall days. I want to get moving again, in all regards.

I want to reclaim this season.

DNS-ing our half marathon was necessary -- all while being disappointing. I know my energy was focused in the right direction, so I have no regrets. As I've written in the past, though, I need to take care of myself in order to take care of my family. If you've been reading for a long time, you know exercise is important to me. So, it's one area in my life in which I need to move on and find a new goal.

Here are a few goals I'm tossing around:

• Work up to swimming two miles.
• Devote 3 days a week to strength.
• Delve back into yoga practice.
• Take an adult dance class.
• Train to run a fast 10K. 
• Work up to running a 20 mile long run for fun.
• Train for a spring half marathon, 1:40:00 goal.
• Work up to doing 5 pull-ups.

Cooking and baking are also high up on the list. After a month of vegetarian freezer meals followed by a couple weeks of eating convenience foods, I'm itching to get back into the kitchen. I often revert back to old, tried-and-true favorites. At least that's what I've done the last few years.

Here's what I mean:

• I'd like to give my overall "diet" a looking over. I often feel this way with the change of seasons. I get in lots of food ruts and would like to add more variety with fruits and especially vegetables. 
• I'd like to eat more vegan meals because it will force me to experiment with new ingredients and methods. 
• I'd like to create healthier desserts before the holiday season, without skimping on deliciousness. 
• I'd like to continue to expand my bread baking -- along with other from-scratch skills.
• I'd like to create some solid soup recipes. I three in mind, actually, but just haven't had the time to develop them.
• I'd like to set aside a few hours every Sunday where I spend time creating something purposeful in the kitchen. I used to do this whole "champagne afternoon" thing -- so I think it's the right time of year to start again.
• I'd also like to start having more meals with friends. I'm thinking potluck style brunches and the like.

As far as the blog goes, ever since I became a mom, I got far less organized about posting and planning. I'm sure if you're a long-time reader, you've noticed. I love writing and sharing bits and pieces from our life with you all. So, I have some goals related to this space as well.

• Eventually I'd like to re-merge my blogs into one mega-blog. I think I've written about this before. Initially I wanted to separate everything for the benefit of the reader -- many of whom aren't interesting in musings on our family life. Thing is, it is who I am . . . so it's weird to split content. And it's clunky for those of you who like to read both.
• I've like to get more organized and even have recurring themes or series. Not only for myself to stay motivated and excited to write, but also so readers can know more what to expect on the day to day.
• I also want to enrich my posts with more personal stories and heart. It's when I inject more of myself and, in turn, learn more about you all that I feel the happiest and most fulfilled in writing.

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about this blog in my absence from it. This past month has changed me in many ways that I didn't quite expect. It brought me way down low, of course, but I'm climbing back up again. It's a slow process. However, it's oddly nice to have a chance to reevaluate my priorities and the places where I'm expending the most energy.

I hope you are all well, and I look forward to regaining my voice as this new season rolls on!

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The Marathon Decision

After I crossed the finish line at the Bridge Half Marathon, a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. First: "Hell YES! A new PR!" but that was quickly overshadowed by: "Ouch. Why is my IT-band hurting after months of being completely fine?"

I spent the rest of the day frustrated, icing my knee on // off to get ahead of the inflammation. I stretched and rolled on some BioFreeze, too. Lots of you suggested massage via foam roller, which I do religiously, but never seems to help much.

Then I started to have flashbacks to 2010. The last time I dealt with this injury in acute-mode, except on my other leg. I took 11+ weeks off and had to resort to aqua jogging, rigorous physical therapy, and even cortisone therapy (not injection, but STILL!). Even when I felt "better" it was a long road back rife with walk breaks and all sorts of disappointing workouts.

When the pain continued into the next morning, I had pretty much decided that doing a cycle of marathon training -- even if I didn't get injured -- followed by a 26.2 race might be a recipe for disaster.

See me gritting my teeth here?


I guess for now I'm letting my marathon sticker expire.

I've reached a point in my running "career" where I'd rather be happy than hurting. If that means less aggressive or impressive goals, so be it. I'd rather not be the person constantly canceling out on training runs, making appointments to see specialists, or talking about the best KT taping methods.

And strangely enough, after I had clicked yes to submit my change of registration for Wineglass -- my IT band mysteriously got better. Coincidence is more likely than what I'm thinking was the whole pain-thing being some sort of divine sign. Still, I think half marathons are my sweet spot.

I haven't chosen a training plan, but I know the following worked for my last cycle.

• 4 days/week running schedule instead of 5 or 6
• Speedwork -- 800 repeats and mile repeats, mostly
• Tempo workouts -- running at or faster than race pace
• Strength training -- mostly kettlebells and squats
• YOGA -- less for the athletic aspect, more for the stretching

Here's where I think I can improve:

• More cross-training, I want one day in the pool/week, if possible
• More variety -- definitely adding at-home spinning to the routine, maybe every other week
• Longer tempo workouts -- increase from 5 to 8 being the longest
• Longer long runs -- I'd like to do a couple 15-16 mile runs in the next cycle
• More practice -- perhaps a test race is in order?
• More watch runs -- I hate it, but running occasionally w/ a watch helped me get faster

I'm starting a training log on this site soon. Once I pick my half plan (which will likely be similar to the last go-around, just longer than 8 weeks), probably. As you can see, my goal is 1:40 (7:37/mile) . . . how realistic that is, I'm not sure. But I'm going to do my best to try.

So, more about training soon! And tomorrow I'll write about some diet plans. Well, not actually dieting, you know the drill. Also, some of you asked what I do between training cycles -- I could write about it, but in short -- I just do some unstructured running. Get my legs moving and think about what's next.

Are you chasing any big goals for an upcoming race? How do you tweak your training from event to event?

Pssst: For a review of the Brooks Pure Flow (that I'm wearing in the race photos), just visit this post. Again -- totally not sponsored -- they held up great for my race. Very light + comfortable.

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