Some Thoughts on Life With Three Kids

I recently asked you guys what you wanted to read about if I ever got the chance to sit down and write. Resoundingly, many of you asked what life is like with three kids. Or -- if you already have three kids -- what our daily schedule is like. Basically, a good number of you want to know what life am I living right now with children who are ages 7.5, 3, and 9 months.

This is way too much to cover in just one post, so today I thought I'd focus on how I don't have myself together. Like, at all. A few of you asked for tips and tricks on how to make life easier or more organized with three. I don't have those answers, and I wish I did. A few months ago, I was able to clean my entire house to the point of it being magazine-worthy. Today, it's a mess. I'm a mess!

Here's what I've come to realize: We all only have so much energy. Only so much time. And we have a gazillion priorities and things that NEED to be done today. If not YESTERDAY. It goes without saying that we cannot do it all, right? In summer, my husband is home from teaching and I feel like we get less done than ever. Our days right now have some semblance of structure . . . but, overall, we're going nowhere and getting very little done.

It drives me insane.

That isn't to say that having time to rest and free ourselves from the hectic pace of life isn't good and worth dwelling in. I'm talented at saying no and freeing up our schedule if I feel like we're doing too much. But there's the great void that you can fall into if you're not careful. I'm a person who thrives on routine. Working from home the last eight years has made it difficult for me to feel a sense of accomplishment. The days all run into the next days. It's maddening at times.

Throwing three kids into the mix of this can make me feel like a failure of a mom. Sure, I'm taking care of basic needs. Sometimes just keeping the kids alive is enough to give myself a big pat on the back. Other times, I feel I fall short in addressing their more complicated needs. Or in just providing opportunities for them to grow and expand their horizons. I'm a big believer in letting kids be bored and not providing tons of planned out activities. However, sometimes I feel like I just use that sentiment as an excuse to be lazy.

I'm at a point of introspection right now. It happens every summer. I take stock of what's going on and I think of ways to improve. Sometimes things stick. Other times, we end up in the same place we were before. My advice to those of you who are looking to make life with three kids easier is not to listen to me. You have to examine your own family. What areas do you feel are going well? Where do you think things are feeling crazy or like they're just not working? What are our family goals? How are we working toward them . . . and how are we working against ourselves?

We're currently discussing these important questions and how to address them. For example, I try to keep activities limited. Ada only does like one major "sport" (gymnastics) at a time. Then she does an informal choir. She doesn't do anything organized or that meets weekly beyond that. If we find something else, like a random weekend class, we'll consider adding it in if things aren't too busy. Resist feeling like you're not providing enough if you just have your child in one activity. I have to remind myself of this, too, because it seems like everyone I know has their kids in something every day of the week. They spend their afternoons, evenings, and weekends shuttling one here and the other there -- quite literally everywhere.

Which brings me to self-care. This is an area I don't do well with at all. It's going to be the topic of my next post. I'm not talking getting manicures and pedicures either. Basic tasks like feeding yourself throughout the day, drinking water, getting sleep when you can, and getting enough exercise are so, so, so important. When we have kids -- especially three or more -- self-care can easily fall by the wayside without us even realizing it. I learned this the hard way, as I've been struggling with a cycle of starve/binge eating . . . and, again, I didn't even realize I was doing it until I took a step back and realized what was going on.

Life with three kids is wonderful at times. At others, it can be chaotic and make you question all your major decisions. It can make you feel insecure and depressed. I wish it were easier. I wish there were more universal tips and tricks that would lend to more simplicity. But as much as the Internet and social media might like us to believe, there's no filter to wash over the tough times and make them prettier to deal with. Hey, at least we're in good company!

Read more...

Day in the Life // One Month + Three Kids

Happy one month to Eden Rhys! I'm over four weeks in and still have very little idea how to manage everything. Instead, I feel like I've been along for the ride.

Here's a loose schedule of what my days are looking like lately.

7 AM -- Ada and Eloise wake up. Stephen heats up some instant oatmeal for them

7:15 AM -- Stephen leaves for work and I rush around getting any last-minute stuff for school (Ada) and preschool (Tuesdays/Thursdays for Eloise)

7:45 AM -- I tend to get Eden up for the day at this time unless she's already awake herself. Gives me time to change and nurse her before Ada gets on the bus. Also gives me time to get her ready if we're driving to preschool.

8 AM -- Ada's off to school

8:30 AM -- We're either home and I'm picking up the living room and kitchen or we're off to preschool and I'm running errands. This is where I sometimes and regretful that I signed Eloise up for anything. On one hand, it gives her something special to do when it would otherwise be difficult for me to take her places with the baby. On the other hand, it messes with the schedule and I don't really get much time out of it for myself. Oh, if we are home, I've been trying to prep dinner during this time. And by prep dinner, I mean toss a bunch of stuff in the crock pot.

9 AM -- Eden is taking her longest nap of the day. Hopefully. She naps really well for Stephen and not so much for me. But if all is good, she'll sleep 2 hours in her nursery in the MamaRoo while I check in on the video monitor. Eloise and I retreat to the basement to play.

11 AM -- Nurse Eden while Eloise watches TV. We hang out in the living room and I make Eloise a quick lunch. Usually a sandwich (PBJ or grilled cheese) and something quick for myself.

(((On preschool days, we leave the house around 11:15 to pick up Eloise.)))

12 PM -- Noon or so when it's about time for Eden to go down for another nap. Sometimes -- depending on the day -- this is later, more like 12:30. I love when this happens because I MIGHT have the opportunity for the girls to take simultaneous naps.

1 PM -- I take Eloise upstairs, we read a couple books and sing a couple songs. Then I cross my fingers that she'll nap. She's been OK about it lately, but we did hit a pretty bad patch in the last couple weeks where the nap was maybe 45 minutes to an hour at most. With a new nightlight, she'll tend to stay upstairs closer to two hours.

By the way: If I got the girls taking naps at the same time . . . I do absolutely nothing productive. I celebrate the small wins, right?

2-2:30 PM -- Eden wakes up somewhere in here and I nurse her. Then we hang out and wait for Eloise to wake.

3 PM -- Yay! Cross country season is over! Stephen can actually get home as early as 3 PM. Sometimes he'll stay and do his run after school. Other times, he'll come home right away and let me pass off the baby so I can get in a run. I've been sticking to just 3 miles until I have my 6-week appointment next week. It feels great to get out even in the cold weather.

4 PM -- Ada gets home from school. If I had gone running, Stephen will go out and get in his sweat session. I go through Ada's blue folder and school bag. I pack her lunch for the next day at this time. Eden may be sleeping around now. And Eloise is usually happy to play with Play Doh or paint.

5 PM -- Dinner for the girls. And lately for us. Generally, Stephen and I actually prefer to give the girls dinner earlier than we eat ourselves, but you'll see how our night shakes out and why this isn't necessarily working.

6 PM -- Family time. We've been enjoying fires in the fireplace. And generally hanging together. I'll be fully honest and say that this is the most chaotic time of the day. Ada and Eloise may be fighting. We may be trying to parent and having it not work very well. The baby is typically very cranky during this time. There's sometimes cluster feeding in here. I hate when that happens and may be crying a bit. There are baths in there some nights, too. Basically 6-7 is really hard right now.

7 PM -- Head to bed. We go upstairs with Ada and Eloise. Brush teeth. Read books (Stephen does Eloise, I do Ada with the baby, who is usually screaming). The goal is bedtime by around 7:30.

7:45 PM -- Usually feed Eden YET AGAIN. It drives me absolutely batty. But I know this period is relatively short, so I'm trying to stay cool about it. Right now we're having Eden sleep the first portion of the night in her MamaRoo in the living room while Stephen hangs/sleeps nearby. She had been doing a patter of four hours of sleep, three hours, and then another 2-3 hours. A couple nights ago she did a six-hour stretch! And then a seven-hour stretch the next night! Last night . . . it was a three-hour stretch. Sigh.

8 PM -- I go to bed upstairs. I have trouble sleeping with the baby in our room because of the constant noise. So, I head upstairs and try to get in as much sleep as I can. This is when Stephen and I used to eat dinner and talk. We haven't really had much time for that lately. Hopefully getting into a better nighttime routine within the next month that involves Eden sleeping upstairs in her nursery.

Feeding has generally been around midnight and then 4AM

So, that's the craziness that is life right now over here. Like I said, I crave routine and patterns . . . so the newborn days are hard for me. I'm looking forward to getting more and more into a schedule soon. Do any of you follow anything that works generally well for you? I know it's controversial, but a loose Babywise schedule actually did work well for us with Eloise. It was mostly the Eat, Play, Sleep pattern of it.

Read more...