Avoiding Burnout // A Wish List

As we prepare for the long days of school + XC season + a coaching course Stephen has to take, I've been brainstorming things that would make my life easier. I should also mention that I'm looking to double my own freelancing workload. Some of these things are what I'd consider reasonable wishes. Other things -- or things in combination -- seem like "wouldn't THAT be nice???" But I thought it might be a helpful exercise to share for those of you who feel desperate and can't seem to find a way out.

After years of struggling and suffering/powering through busy/tough times, I've decided that the only way to help my situation when I'm feeling completely over-stretched is to be proactive. I may not get all the things I list here . . . but just saying them out loud helps to acknowledge areas where things are tough. Does this make sense?

(I miss the beginning of summer so much right now!)

More childcare 

Or, I suppose just childcare . . . period. We have never had a babysitter who isn't family. And we don't have family where we live. So, we get dates once every one or two months. Dates are fun and all, but having some semi-regular childcare can also be helpful just in the day-to-day when Stephen is gone so much. I may need that time for work or just for my own sanity.

I don't know how babysitting would look . . . how many hours . . if it would be all or only a couple kids . . . or what. But I'm listing this first and foremost because I've been a parent for 8 years -- a work-from-home mom who, at times, was working nearly 30 hours a week -- without regular or semi-regular babysitting.

Some steps toward this: Eloise will be in preschool W-F from 9-11:30. It's a start. And we did just join our local YMCA for $70 a month. They have childcare hours that I'm hoping to take advantage of if my kids can get used to going.

Help with the house

I love cleaning and organizing. I can get into a good rhythm, too. But now that Eden is mobile and Eloise is in the drawing-on-the-walls, pooping-in-her-underwear, generally making ALL the messes stage, it gets over my head. Especially when I'm home alone for six days a week.

I had inquired about cleaning services a year or so ago and, at the time, they were recommending weekly cleaning. It was too much for our budget. I think twice a month might be better for how much we can spend. So, I'm going to revisit this.

More dedicated work hours

Like I said, I've worked from home freelance writing for eight years now. I've done it without dedicated work time. Without scheduling work hours. I don't know how I've managed. I relied on early mornings and naps mostly. With Ada, it was pretty easy. With adding Eloise, it got much harder but was OK because Ada was in school. Now with Eden, it's nearly impossible.

I've figured out generally how many hours of work time I need each week. I have decided I need to leave the house for at least half of these hours.

More food money

We had always prided ourselves on a super low grocery budget. Like $75 to $100 when it was just the three of us. I also was able to make pretty much everything from scratch because I honestly love cooking and enjoy spending hours toiling in the kitchen. These days, despite my love of food and making food . . . I just CAN'T take the time to assemble all our snack foods from scratch. I know many parents do it -- and some of you have shared how you still do it with several kids -- but I find it impossible with everything else on my plate.

But not making all our own food means buying more convenience foods. I also try to get more fruits and veggies to hand out. It all adds up, somewhat significantly . . . even at Aldi! So, I'm looking to increase our food budget to more like $175 a week, which would include getting, gasp, occasional takeout.

A schedule

I always just wing it with the kids. We have a few activities, but the rest of the time is unstructured. I think I'm going to experiment making a loose schedule -- even if that means that I'm putting things like "play time" or "dinner time" on a schedule. Without structure, I feel aimless and helpless. I may try making each day a theme. Like Monday Moves (do something active -- like going to the park), Tuesday Treats (like baking something with the girls), etc.

Saturday is the hardest, so I may try planning things out in advance (trip to go apple picking, play-dates, certain fall events, etc.) that we'll do each week. Even just writing about the possibility of a schedule makes me feel more empowered.

More me time

I tend to take very little time to myself when our busy seasons gear up. As an introvert, this is VERY bad and leads to mega-burnout. I'm not trying to paint myself as a special snowflake, but constantly being with my kids with no breaks is very hard for me. So, I need to definitely find a way to carve out alone time, even when I don't necessarily have it. That could mean asking Ada to watch over the girls so I can take a brief shower. Or getting in a yoga/breathing session when my kids nap versus working. Or spending time with friends who actually fill up my cup versus empty it (I'm sort of a social introvert. I have certain friends who don't deplete me).

********************

So, this is my wish list. A lot of it takes extra money, which is always hard. But having these ideas out there may help me come up with ways to make it a reality.

Is there anything you would add to this list? 
Do you share any of my wishes?

Read more...

Some Thoughts on Life With Three Kids

I recently asked you guys what you wanted to read about if I ever got the chance to sit down and write. Resoundingly, many of you asked what life is like with three kids. Or -- if you already have three kids -- what our daily schedule is like. Basically, a good number of you want to know what life am I living right now with children who are ages 7.5, 3, and 9 months.

This is way too much to cover in just one post, so today I thought I'd focus on how I don't have myself together. Like, at all. A few of you asked for tips and tricks on how to make life easier or more organized with three. I don't have those answers, and I wish I did. A few months ago, I was able to clean my entire house to the point of it being magazine-worthy. Today, it's a mess. I'm a mess!

Here's what I've come to realize: We all only have so much energy. Only so much time. And we have a gazillion priorities and things that NEED to be done today. If not YESTERDAY. It goes without saying that we cannot do it all, right? In summer, my husband is home from teaching and I feel like we get less done than ever. Our days right now have some semblance of structure . . . but, overall, we're going nowhere and getting very little done.

It drives me insane.

That isn't to say that having time to rest and free ourselves from the hectic pace of life isn't good and worth dwelling in. I'm talented at saying no and freeing up our schedule if I feel like we're doing too much. But there's the great void that you can fall into if you're not careful. I'm a person who thrives on routine. Working from home the last eight years has made it difficult for me to feel a sense of accomplishment. The days all run into the next days. It's maddening at times.

Throwing three kids into the mix of this can make me feel like a failure of a mom. Sure, I'm taking care of basic needs. Sometimes just keeping the kids alive is enough to give myself a big pat on the back. Other times, I feel I fall short in addressing their more complicated needs. Or in just providing opportunities for them to grow and expand their horizons. I'm a big believer in letting kids be bored and not providing tons of planned out activities. However, sometimes I feel like I just use that sentiment as an excuse to be lazy.

I'm at a point of introspection right now. It happens every summer. I take stock of what's going on and I think of ways to improve. Sometimes things stick. Other times, we end up in the same place we were before. My advice to those of you who are looking to make life with three kids easier is not to listen to me. You have to examine your own family. What areas do you feel are going well? Where do you think things are feeling crazy or like they're just not working? What are our family goals? How are we working toward them . . . and how are we working against ourselves?

We're currently discussing these important questions and how to address them. For example, I try to keep activities limited. Ada only does like one major "sport" (gymnastics) at a time. Then she does an informal choir. She doesn't do anything organized or that meets weekly beyond that. If we find something else, like a random weekend class, we'll consider adding it in if things aren't too busy. Resist feeling like you're not providing enough if you just have your child in one activity. I have to remind myself of this, too, because it seems like everyone I know has their kids in something every day of the week. They spend their afternoons, evenings, and weekends shuttling one here and the other there -- quite literally everywhere.

Which brings me to self-care. This is an area I don't do well with at all. It's going to be the topic of my next post. I'm not talking getting manicures and pedicures either. Basic tasks like feeding yourself throughout the day, drinking water, getting sleep when you can, and getting enough exercise are so, so, so important. When we have kids -- especially three or more -- self-care can easily fall by the wayside without us even realizing it. I learned this the hard way, as I've been struggling with a cycle of starve/binge eating . . . and, again, I didn't even realize I was doing it until I took a step back and realized what was going on.

Life with three kids is wonderful at times. At others, it can be chaotic and make you question all your major decisions. It can make you feel insecure and depressed. I wish it were easier. I wish there were more universal tips and tricks that would lend to more simplicity. But as much as the Internet and social media might like us to believe, there's no filter to wash over the tough times and make them prettier to deal with. Hey, at least we're in good company!

Read more...

Day in the Life // One Month + Three Kids

Happy one month to Eden Rhys! I'm over four weeks in and still have very little idea how to manage everything. Instead, I feel like I've been along for the ride.

Here's a loose schedule of what my days are looking like lately.

7 AM -- Ada and Eloise wake up. Stephen heats up some instant oatmeal for them

7:15 AM -- Stephen leaves for work and I rush around getting any last-minute stuff for school (Ada) and preschool (Tuesdays/Thursdays for Eloise)

7:45 AM -- I tend to get Eden up for the day at this time unless she's already awake herself. Gives me time to change and nurse her before Ada gets on the bus. Also gives me time to get her ready if we're driving to preschool.

8 AM -- Ada's off to school

8:30 AM -- We're either home and I'm picking up the living room and kitchen or we're off to preschool and I'm running errands. This is where I sometimes and regretful that I signed Eloise up for anything. On one hand, it gives her something special to do when it would otherwise be difficult for me to take her places with the baby. On the other hand, it messes with the schedule and I don't really get much time out of it for myself. Oh, if we are home, I've been trying to prep dinner during this time. And by prep dinner, I mean toss a bunch of stuff in the crock pot.

9 AM -- Eden is taking her longest nap of the day. Hopefully. She naps really well for Stephen and not so much for me. But if all is good, she'll sleep 2 hours in her nursery in the MamaRoo while I check in on the video monitor. Eloise and I retreat to the basement to play.

11 AM -- Nurse Eden while Eloise watches TV. We hang out in the living room and I make Eloise a quick lunch. Usually a sandwich (PBJ or grilled cheese) and something quick for myself.

(((On preschool days, we leave the house around 11:15 to pick up Eloise.)))

12 PM -- Noon or so when it's about time for Eden to go down for another nap. Sometimes -- depending on the day -- this is later, more like 12:30. I love when this happens because I MIGHT have the opportunity for the girls to take simultaneous naps.

1 PM -- I take Eloise upstairs, we read a couple books and sing a couple songs. Then I cross my fingers that she'll nap. She's been OK about it lately, but we did hit a pretty bad patch in the last couple weeks where the nap was maybe 45 minutes to an hour at most. With a new nightlight, she'll tend to stay upstairs closer to two hours.

By the way: If I got the girls taking naps at the same time . . . I do absolutely nothing productive. I celebrate the small wins, right?

2-2:30 PM -- Eden wakes up somewhere in here and I nurse her. Then we hang out and wait for Eloise to wake.

3 PM -- Yay! Cross country season is over! Stephen can actually get home as early as 3 PM. Sometimes he'll stay and do his run after school. Other times, he'll come home right away and let me pass off the baby so I can get in a run. I've been sticking to just 3 miles until I have my 6-week appointment next week. It feels great to get out even in the cold weather.

4 PM -- Ada gets home from school. If I had gone running, Stephen will go out and get in his sweat session. I go through Ada's blue folder and school bag. I pack her lunch for the next day at this time. Eden may be sleeping around now. And Eloise is usually happy to play with Play Doh or paint.

5 PM -- Dinner for the girls. And lately for us. Generally, Stephen and I actually prefer to give the girls dinner earlier than we eat ourselves, but you'll see how our night shakes out and why this isn't necessarily working.

6 PM -- Family time. We've been enjoying fires in the fireplace. And generally hanging together. I'll be fully honest and say that this is the most chaotic time of the day. Ada and Eloise may be fighting. We may be trying to parent and having it not work very well. The baby is typically very cranky during this time. There's sometimes cluster feeding in here. I hate when that happens and may be crying a bit. There are baths in there some nights, too. Basically 6-7 is really hard right now.

7 PM -- Head to bed. We go upstairs with Ada and Eloise. Brush teeth. Read books (Stephen does Eloise, I do Ada with the baby, who is usually screaming). The goal is bedtime by around 7:30.

7:45 PM -- Usually feed Eden YET AGAIN. It drives me absolutely batty. But I know this period is relatively short, so I'm trying to stay cool about it. Right now we're having Eden sleep the first portion of the night in her MamaRoo in the living room while Stephen hangs/sleeps nearby. She had been doing a patter of four hours of sleep, three hours, and then another 2-3 hours. A couple nights ago she did a six-hour stretch! And then a seven-hour stretch the next night! Last night . . . it was a three-hour stretch. Sigh.

8 PM -- I go to bed upstairs. I have trouble sleeping with the baby in our room because of the constant noise. So, I head upstairs and try to get in as much sleep as I can. This is when Stephen and I used to eat dinner and talk. We haven't really had much time for that lately. Hopefully getting into a better nighttime routine within the next month that involves Eden sleeping upstairs in her nursery.

Feeding has generally been around midnight and then 4AM

So, that's the craziness that is life right now over here. Like I said, I crave routine and patterns . . . so the newborn days are hard for me. I'm looking forward to getting more and more into a schedule soon. Do any of you follow anything that works generally well for you? I know it's controversial, but a loose Babywise schedule actually did work well for us with Eloise. It was mostly the Eat, Play, Sleep pattern of it.

Read more...

How Things Are Going . . .

Another question I've been getting from people in my real life + people online is how transitioning to life with three kids is going. Well, it's actually quite perfect. I've got everything so under control. So much so, that as I write this very blog post, I just successfully put down Eloise and Eden for simultaneous naps!

Super mom, right?

Wrong.

I have no clue what I'm doing. Of course, we're just two weeks in, so it's not fair for me to call myself a failure yet. I'll say that Stephen's two weeks off haven't been necessarily as dreamy as they sounded on paper. He's had to continue coaching, including meets, and doing grading and other responsibilities. So, I've been sort of trial-by-fire thrown into solo parenting three kids a few times already. And it's scary, guys. I mean, I feel completely out of my element.

It's not that I wasn't expecting a transition. Even a major transition. I expected it. But I suppose I thought maybe I'd magically have a bit more figured out with the newborn stuff fresher in my mind this time around. But that's the thing. I think what's more difficult than having three kids is having a newborn and a spirited toddler. Ada's at school much of the day, so figuring out how to tend to a toddler's needs (diapers, naps, meltdowns, etc.) and a newborn's needs (constant nursing, diapers, fussy times, naps, etc.) . . . it's just --

(((Baby started screaming from her swing nap)))

Ok. Where was I?

Everyone has needs.

And I'm not yet good at meeting them all at once. The best tip you guys shared with me for parenting three kids is to use my baby carrier, like, all the time. I have four baby carriers! A Moby Wrap, Ergo 360, Maya wrap, and Woven wrap. So far, Eden sort of only likes the Ergo with the infant insert if I'm constantly moving (constantly!). But getting her to fall asleep is impossible, so she basically just cries and fusses while I attempt to do things like cook, clean, change diapers, help with homework (not super easy with a carrier IMO).

(((Screaming again -- I give up on the nap despite all the frantic yawning I'm seeing)))

Yeah. So, getting used to a toddler and a newborn is kicking my butt. I am hoping time will help. I am hoping I'll learn some stuff as I go along. I am hoping that she'll start liking the baby carrier. I'm hoping that we can get this naps-in-the-nursery thing down even if she has to sleep in a swing until she's six months old (like Eloise did! Thanks to Precious Little Sleep -- which is a great resource, btw!).

But right now I'm feeling like a master of nothing, so it's humbling. (For example, I have absolutely no idea how I'll return to freelance writing with the current stretching of my energies.) That said, both Eloise and Ada love having a little sister. They both beg to hold and kiss her all the time. In fact, they fight over it, which has been a bit of an issue. I'm just happy that there aren't sore feelings around bringing home another child. Ada's been a bit sensitive and possessive (she's MY baby).

Sorry to not have a more promising outlook to share at this moment.

(((Oh, wait. Maybe Eden is going to nap! How have her screams not woken Eloise?)))

I will say that emotionally I'm feeling good after delivery. I haven't been weepy or depressed or filled with anxiety, which is similar to what I experienced after Eloise (with Ada I did experience some PPD). I'm not feeling overwhelmed despite how it sounds. I just am hoping to figure out some stuff. To find a groove. Any kind of groove will do. But I'm not being too hard on myself. Dinner has been scrambled eggs and toaster waffles. I had a sincere talk with Ada about not having a birthday party this year because it's too much to toss into the equation.

In other words: I'm going easy on myself. We're stepping back from tons of responsibilities as a family and trying to have a quiet holiday + winter season. We're giving our family some grace. Maybe next time when I write about being a family of five, I'll have some words of wisdom to share.

Until then -- do YOU have any advice for me?

Read more...

More Thoughts on the More Kids Question

I feel like I JUST wrote a post all about how we're not ready to think about having more kids. (Oh, I did. It's right here.) And -- really -- it isn't like we've made any decisions. We aren't trying anytime soon or closing up shop. I still haven't gotten my cycle back after Eloise, for example. We only recently started sleeping through (a good part of) the night.

Still, this question has been coming up more more. This time, it isn't from other people. It's in my own head. So, I thought I'd share my current thoughts on the matter.

As confusing as they may be:



Also! I know some of you cannot watch videos (while you're checking blogs at work, etc.) or would prefer to not watch videos. I'm not planning to share them quite this frequently (I've been doing two a week) forever and ever. Instead, I'm trying to create a habit. Vlogging is something I like doing, but it takes a lot more foresight and work. Thanks for your patience!

And if you like the videos -- great! That makes me happy. What else would you like to see? I did an Overtone hair color conditioner review a while back that seems to be sort of popular. People also seemed to like when I did a cooking video in my kitchen. Let me know! I'm going to also do more written content over here, including more recipes and the like.

Anyway, I'd love to know how you approached the more kids or done-having-kids thing in your own family. There are days when I feel like YES, we DEFINITELY would want to have another one. And then others -- like today, when Eloise will not nap for anything -- where I question my sanity and think #NOPENOPENOPE.

Hard to believe this was ME last year at 16 weeks pregnant!

We are both so incredible thankful for the two beautiful girls we already have as well.


It's just a complicated beast of a family decision, is it not? And, as I mention in the video, sometimes it isn't a decision at all. It can just happen or, on the flip side, not happen. Ah, life.

Read more...