neverhomemaker: advice

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Avoiding Burnout // A Wish List

>> Saturday, August 3, 2019

As we prepare for the long days of school + XC season + a coaching course Stephen has to take, I've been brainstorming things that would make my life easier. I should also mention that I'm looking to double my own freelancing workload. Some of these things are what I'd consider reasonable wishes. Other things -- or things in combination -- seem like "wouldn't THAT be nice???" But I thought it might be a helpful exercise to share for those of you who feel desperate and can't seem to find a way out.

After years of struggling and suffering/powering through busy/tough times, I've decided that the only way to help my situation when I'm feeling completely over-stretched is to be proactive. I may not get all the things I list here . . . but just saying them out loud helps to acknowledge areas where things are tough. Does this make sense?

(I miss the beginning of summer so much right now!)

More childcare

Or, I suppose just childcare . . . period. We have never had a babysitter who isn't family. And we don't have family where we live. So, we get dates once every one or two months. Dates are fun and all, but having some semi-regular childcare can also be helpful just in the day-to-day when Stephen is gone so much. I may need that time for work or just for my own sanity.

I don't know how babysitting would look . . . how many hours . . if it would be all or only a couple kids . . . or what. But I'm listing this first and foremost because I've been a parent for 8 years -- a work-from-home mom who, at times, was working nearly 30 hours a week -- without regular or semi-regular babysitting.

Some steps toward this: Eloise will be in preschool W-F from 9-11:30. It's a start. And we did just join our local YMCA for $70 a month. They have childcare hours that I'm hoping to take advantage of if my kids can get used to going.

Help with the house

I love cleaning and organizing. I can get into a good rhythm, too. But now that Eden is mobile and Eloise is in the drawing-on-the-walls, pooping-in-her-underwear, generally making ALL the messes stage, it gets over my head. Especially when I'm home alone for six days a week.

I had inquired about cleaning services a year or so ago and, at the time, they were recommending weekly cleaning. It was too much for our budget. I think twice a month might be better for how much we can spend. So, I'm going to revisit this.

More dedicated work hours

Like I said, I've worked from home freelance writing for eight years now. I've done it without dedicated work time. Without scheduling work hours. I don't know how I've managed. I relied on early mornings and naps mostly. With Ada, it was pretty easy. With adding Eloise, it got much harder but was OK because Ada was in school. Now with Eden, it's nearly impossible.

I've figured out generally how many hours of work time I need each week. I have decided I need to leave the house for at least half of these hours.

More food money

We had always prided ourselves on a super low grocery budget. Like $75 to $100 when it was just the three of us. I also was able to make pretty much everything from scratch because I honestly love cooking and enjoy spending hours toiling in the kitchen. These days, despite my love of food and making food . . . I just CAN'T take the time to assemble all our snack foods from scratch. I know many parents do it -- and some of you have shared how you still do it with several kids -- but I find it impossible with everything else on my plate.

But not making all our own food means buying more convenience foods. I also try to get more fruits and veggies to hand out. It all adds up, somewhat significantly . . . even at Aldi! So, I'm looking to increase our food budget to more like $175 a week, which would include getting, gasp, occasional takeout.

A schedule

I always just wing it with the kids. We have a few activities, but the rest of the time is unstructured. I think I'm going to experiment making a loose schedule -- even if that means that I'm putting things like "play time" or "dinner time" on a schedule. Without structure, I feel aimless and helpless. I may try making each day a theme. Like Monday Moves (do something active -- like going to the park), Tuesday Treats (like baking something with the girls), etc.

Saturday is the hardest, so I may try planning things out in advance (trip to go apple picking, play-dates, certain fall events, etc.) that we'll do each week. Even just writing about the possibility of a schedule makes me feel more empowered.

More me time

I tend to take very little time to myself when our busy seasons gear up. As an introvert, this is VERY bad and leads to mega-burnout. I'm not trying to paint myself as a special snowflake, but constantly being with my kids with no breaks is very hard for me. So, I need to definitely find a way to carve out alone time, even when I don't necessarily have it. That could mean asking Ada to watch over the girls so I can take a brief shower. Or getting in a yoga/breathing session when my kids nap versus working. Or spending time with friends who actually fill up my cup versus empty it (I'm sort of a social introvert. I have certain friends who don't deplete me).

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So, this is my wish list. A lot of it takes extra money, which is always hard. But having these ideas out there may help me come up with ways to make it a reality.

Is there anything you would add to this list?
Do you share any of my wishes?

Vibrams: Stephen's Experience

>> Thursday, July 15, 2010

When I first slipped my toes into those strange five fingered gloves, I felt the freedom to flex and stretch my feet in directions and motions my running shoes wouldn’t allow. Naturally, I was eager to put my feet to the road to feel what all the hype was about. I read that it’s best to ease into barefoot running and to build mileage slowly. In fact, I even blogged about my adventures in easing into minimalist running.

I've been consistently running fifty miles a week, so I arrogantly tried to be the exception to the rule; I walked in them about five miles total before making the transition to running.

One of my biggest questions about the five fingers concerned speed. Would I be able to run as fast in five fingers as I could in my everyday trainers? The answer, I found in my first 3 mile run, was yes. You can go fast! Not only was I able to run in a fast clip, but I felt like I was expending less energy to maintain the pace. Efficiency, at last! Unfortunately, this experience doesn’t have a happy ending -- in fact, its conclusion is far from it.

Developing throughout the day, I felt a deep tightness grow in my lower leg muscles. No matter how many times I leaned against the wall to stretch, the tightness worsened and worsened. And the next morning, the tightness was unreal! It honestly felt like it was my first week of running, ever! I recalled my fifteen-year-old self huffing and puffing after my first three-miler. My legs, raw, throbbing. This hyperbole really isn’t too far-fetched, as the five fingers engaged muscles that I have seldom used.

Like the Saucony Kinvaras, the Five Fingers allow my foot to experience a much wider range of motion. But unlike the Kinvara’s lowered heel, the five fingers have absolutely NO heel build up! So each time my foot struck the pavement, my lower leg muscles extended much more than they were used to. The funny thing is -- I already knew this. I read the reviews, I understood the concept, and it made sense to me. But for some reason, call it excitement; I tried to skip the orientation.

The moral of the story: no matter how much experience you have, no matter how many miles you log, it’s best to take your time when introducing barefoot running into your regimen. (Ashley's experience making the switch has been much less disruptive to her normal routine. More on that another time . . . but she agrees with the easing into it part.)

After five days, my lower legs have finally loosening up and the sharp tenderness in my calves is fading. I’ve decided to step back, start over, and build up my mileage with five fingers slowly.

I’m beginning with three short five-finger runs a week. (Note: these runs are not in addition to my weekly mileage. Instead, I’m replacing equal shoe miles with five-finger miles.) Starting with a 1/4 mile for my first run, I will add 1/4 mile to each workout: Week 1: T: 1/4 mile, W: 1/2 mile, TR: 3/4 mile = 1-1/2 mile total
I’ll make the middle distance workout, 1/2 mile from week 1, the shortest workout of week 2 and continue to add a 1/4 mile: Week 2: T: 1/2 mile, W: 3/4 mile, TR: 1 mile = 2.25 miles total
I’ll continue this process for as long as it feels right. And by using this formula, I’ll be running my first three miler by week 10.

Again, the distance and frequency of this plan are dependent on the person. We all have different bodies, different thresholds, and different needs. The best advice -- as always -- is to listen to your body. And be sure to stay tuned for more updates on our adventures with the Five Fingers!

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Everything in Moderation

>> Friday, April 16, 2010

We've all been there at one point or another. That point where enough just isn't enough. And no matter what area of life you've experience it in -- over-studying, over-eating, over-exercising, over-purchasing, over-anything-ing -- there's a breaking point. It's true: There can be too much of a good thing. Today, I'm applying this idea to exercise. I've been a runner for over 8 years now, and I've dealt with both the physical and mental drainage of overdoing it.

Back in the summer of 2004, I was hardly sleeping. On top of it, I'd wake each morning at 5AM to bike for an hour or more. I would go to work for 8 hours and then return home to run for as long as I could make myself. I wasn't eating much. I dropped close to ten pounds on my already thin frame. I was staying out late with friends. I was running races every weekend. Overall, I was exhausted -- burning the candle at both ends.

I look back at photos of myself from this period of time (the above isn't one of them -- it's from last year's marathon), and I'm gaunt. I look super tired -- dark circles, dull skin. My race times were far from fantastic. Strangest of all, my memories from this summer are hardly there. I sincerely believe all this running around may have had some impact on my mental capacity. There were so many demands I was putting on myself -- I was in constant motion.

You may be thinking: How can there even BE such a thing as too much exercise? Healthy people run ultra-marathons and participate in Ironman triathlons. That's all very true (and awesome). What we're really dealing with is this fine line between what's a healthy and not-so healthy extreme. It's tricky to define. There's no right formula. No one-size-fits-all approach. That doesn't mean you can't gauge this for yourself, however.

Keep in mind, I'm not a doctor or nurse, etc. I have no expertise in any health field. That being said, I know what I know from experience. I know what I know from my own struggles and triumphs. And this advice is just that, advice. Take from it what you think makes sense. Discard the rest, if you wish. But whatever you do, be honest with yourself.

1.) Listen to your body. Feeling tired is sometimes an easy excuse to skip a workout. If I feel this way, I tend to gently nudge myself to get out for a least a short workout and see how I feel afterward (remember: no workout is too short or slow). If I still feel completely out of it the next day, I take that day off. In fact, this happened to me just this week. We ran our half marathon on Sunday, and I resumed normal training. Wednesday, I felt completely drained -- but I ran anyway. Thursday night, still felt the same.

Basically: Feeling exhausted is your body telling you something's up. You may be getting a cold. Or, at least what I believe is the case for me, you may just need to recharge after a hard workout or race. There are limitless reasons. But if you're feeling physically and mentally depleted, you shouldn't ignore it.
The same goes with injuries. Some pain and soreness is expected with running. We all have our injuries from time to time. But if you're running through pain and it just won't go away -- take heed. Check out these common overuse injuries, and even make an appointment to see your doctor. I have seen far too many runners who "work through the pain." Those who have chosen to self medicate, bandage or bind up sore limbs -- and when I ask them about what happened, it sounds like they've got a bad case of the too-much-too-soons.
The same goes with sickness. Maybe you have a cold that just won't go away. Or you're finding yourself at the doctor at least once a month for one thing or another. Exercising too much can bring down your resistance and worse. You can even develop issues like amenorrhea or anemia. Working out is supposed to invigorate you. It's supposed to contribute to a healthy lifestyle. But if you're not feeling particularly healthy, see your doctor and examine your habits.

2.) Keep your whole routine in perspective. Life happens. If you're in school, you may be missing tons of sleep with final exams coming up. If you work, you may have logged some late hours in the office to finish a project. Whatever the case may be, life requires extra energy from time to time. If you have a week (or even entire month) that requires you be on in another capacity in your life, re-evaluate your workout plan. It's OK to scale back or even take a small break. Try to still get in at least some activity (20 to 30 minutes of exercise a day), but go easy on yourself.

3.) Stick to the plan. This tip is certainly from current personal experience for me. After marathon training in the fall, I'm having trouble staying at the reduced mileage my half marathon plan prescribes. I tend to try to follow the plan that's a step up from where I really should be training (advanced versus intermediate). Week after week, I can't keep up with the mileage. The speed work. The tempo runs. For me, I'm trying to do too much. And as a result, it makes me feel mentally down in the dumps. My legs are tired. I don't feel like running at all some days.

No matter what you're training for, stick to a plan. And a plan that's right for you, not your sister, best friend, husband, etc. For example, marathons can be run in only three workouts a week. I know people who have done so successfully. I trained for mine running between 4 and 5 workouts a week. Stephen did his by heading out 6 days. Find a plan that works, and stick to it.

4.) Exercise for yourself and yourself only. This is, perhaps, the most important tip of all. Don't get caught up in a goal that isn't your own. Maybe you're a newbie runner surrounded by marathoners. Resist the urge to head out on a 20-miler if you aren't prepared. Stop looking at what others are doing (I know this is particularly difficult) and judging yourself against their fitness levels. Instead -- focus on your own successes.

We all have different abilities. So, if you're embarking on a plan that just doesn't feel like a good fit -- you may be overdoing it for your particular fitness level. It doesn't mean you'll never reach what you're struggling with now. It just means you may need more time. For example, if you just finished a couch to 5K plan -- congrats! However, this doesn't mean you need to skip straight to marathon training. You can reach your ultimate goal, but in steps. Do some 10Ks, 15Ks, and half marathons first. Work on speed versus distance. Etc. Do your research, and you'll find there's a race or other goal out there that will work best for you. And you're all that matters.

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