Avoiding Burnout // A Wish List

As we prepare for the long days of school + XC season + a coaching course Stephen has to take, I've been brainstorming things that would make my life easier. I should also mention that I'm looking to double my own freelancing workload. Some of these things are what I'd consider reasonable wishes. Other things -- or things in combination -- seem like "wouldn't THAT be nice???" But I thought it might be a helpful exercise to share for those of you who feel desperate and can't seem to find a way out.

After years of struggling and suffering/powering through busy/tough times, I've decided that the only way to help my situation when I'm feeling completely over-stretched is to be proactive. I may not get all the things I list here . . . but just saying them out loud helps to acknowledge areas where things are tough. Does this make sense?

(I miss the beginning of summer so much right now!)

More childcare 

Or, I suppose just childcare . . . period. We have never had a babysitter who isn't family. And we don't have family where we live. So, we get dates once every one or two months. Dates are fun and all, but having some semi-regular childcare can also be helpful just in the day-to-day when Stephen is gone so much. I may need that time for work or just for my own sanity.

I don't know how babysitting would look . . . how many hours . . if it would be all or only a couple kids . . . or what. But I'm listing this first and foremost because I've been a parent for 8 years -- a work-from-home mom who, at times, was working nearly 30 hours a week -- without regular or semi-regular babysitting.

Some steps toward this: Eloise will be in preschool W-F from 9-11:30. It's a start. And we did just join our local YMCA for $70 a month. They have childcare hours that I'm hoping to take advantage of if my kids can get used to going.

Help with the house

I love cleaning and organizing. I can get into a good rhythm, too. But now that Eden is mobile and Eloise is in the drawing-on-the-walls, pooping-in-her-underwear, generally making ALL the messes stage, it gets over my head. Especially when I'm home alone for six days a week.

I had inquired about cleaning services a year or so ago and, at the time, they were recommending weekly cleaning. It was too much for our budget. I think twice a month might be better for how much we can spend. So, I'm going to revisit this.

More dedicated work hours

Like I said, I've worked from home freelance writing for eight years now. I've done it without dedicated work time. Without scheduling work hours. I don't know how I've managed. I relied on early mornings and naps mostly. With Ada, it was pretty easy. With adding Eloise, it got much harder but was OK because Ada was in school. Now with Eden, it's nearly impossible.

I've figured out generally how many hours of work time I need each week. I have decided I need to leave the house for at least half of these hours.

More food money

We had always prided ourselves on a super low grocery budget. Like $75 to $100 when it was just the three of us. I also was able to make pretty much everything from scratch because I honestly love cooking and enjoy spending hours toiling in the kitchen. These days, despite my love of food and making food . . . I just CAN'T take the time to assemble all our snack foods from scratch. I know many parents do it -- and some of you have shared how you still do it with several kids -- but I find it impossible with everything else on my plate.

But not making all our own food means buying more convenience foods. I also try to get more fruits and veggies to hand out. It all adds up, somewhat significantly . . . even at Aldi! So, I'm looking to increase our food budget to more like $175 a week, which would include getting, gasp, occasional takeout.

A schedule

I always just wing it with the kids. We have a few activities, but the rest of the time is unstructured. I think I'm going to experiment making a loose schedule -- even if that means that I'm putting things like "play time" or "dinner time" on a schedule. Without structure, I feel aimless and helpless. I may try making each day a theme. Like Monday Moves (do something active -- like going to the park), Tuesday Treats (like baking something with the girls), etc.

Saturday is the hardest, so I may try planning things out in advance (trip to go apple picking, play-dates, certain fall events, etc.) that we'll do each week. Even just writing about the possibility of a schedule makes me feel more empowered.

More me time

I tend to take very little time to myself when our busy seasons gear up. As an introvert, this is VERY bad and leads to mega-burnout. I'm not trying to paint myself as a special snowflake, but constantly being with my kids with no breaks is very hard for me. So, I need to definitely find a way to carve out alone time, even when I don't necessarily have it. That could mean asking Ada to watch over the girls so I can take a brief shower. Or getting in a yoga/breathing session when my kids nap versus working. Or spending time with friends who actually fill up my cup versus empty it (I'm sort of a social introvert. I have certain friends who don't deplete me).

********************

So, this is my wish list. A lot of it takes extra money, which is always hard. But having these ideas out there may help me come up with ways to make it a reality.

Is there anything you would add to this list? 
Do you share any of my wishes?

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Staying Home Killed My Diet

When I decided to work from home/stay home, I thought that my eating and drinking would get much healthier. I'd have a whole kitchen of whole foods readily available to me. An oven and many other useful appliances to cook up anything my heart could desire.

The thing is, it's been quite the opposite experience. Being around ALL the food has meant that I eat ALL the food. Even when I plan ahead and have meals ready in the fridge to grab, the snack-attacks set in or I find time to make up different cravings.

When I worked my last office job, I was so incredibly regimented. (Check out Staying Healthy While Working Full Time). Sure, I'd have missteps. I worked on a college campus, after all. I could jaunt down to the food court and get random bagels or cookies at the different coffee shops spread about. But I pretty much did OK (Here's what I'd eat in a typical day). I stuck to eating oatmeal for breakfast (above) and would almost always pack something sensible for lunch (microwave sweet potatoes!). I had a snack drawer and a lot of discipline. My meals were portioned. When I was done eating, I was done eating.

So, why can't I rock this awesome at-home situation? I don't know. Stress from being home with a non-verbal toddler who skips naps and has crazy tantrums gets the best of me on many occasions. And when I have a pressing deadline to meet? Shoveling crap into my mouth always seems to help me power through. Boredom and isolation are other factors. While I love being home, it does get lonely, especially this time of year when I'm not as apt to go out and about. 

As I do most years, I'm trying to start fresh. Trying to approach my situation from a new angle. I got a new cookbook I'll share about soon. I've been mixing together overnight oats (which I don't really love -- but I've been trying new recipes) for more automatic breakfasts. I'm focusing on protein for lunch, even if it means downing a Kodiak Cake waffle with peanut butter.

I've also been wow-ing the family with different dinners. (We'd been in the same rotation for years, including pumpkin chili, veggie quesadillas, breakfast for dinner, veggie burgers, and homemade pizza. You can search these recipes on the blog if you'd like to try them. We've had enough of them, though.)

So, stay tuned for more about how I'm mixing things up. I'm only on day three so far. But the new year is always such a good excuse to keep the motivation going a bit longer. We shall see.

I'd love to know what food goals you have cooked up for 2018! Any recipes to share?

Related:

Simple vegetarian recipes for newbies
15 recipe-lite vegetarian meals to the rescue
Our weekly meals + cost
Shopping for all things Aldi
Our recipes
Posts from my last office job
What I eat in a day, 2010

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Typical Day in the Life // Feeling Spent

I have to pause my planned content to share with you all that I am absolutely spent. Our lives seriously went from zero to 60 in a second flat, and I’m still gasping for air. There are times I wonder if I’m just deficient as a person. Am I lazy? Unmotivated? I see so many super moms getting everything done and looking good while doing it. Their kids are clean, well-fed, and they just seem to have it all together. I know images can be deceiving, though.

Regardless, we went from the luxury of all being home during the summer with really no plans (and I had scads of time to work uninterrupted during normal working hours) to being here, there, and everywhere. This schedule is our new normal, so we’ve got to get used to it somehow. I’ve never been a coffee drinker, but I’m learning.

// WEEKDAYS 

5:30 AM: Alarm goes off.

I immediately stretch to wake my body up and tiptoe downstairs to work on the computer. Working these days is writing for Healthline. I write clinical and lifestyle pieces of a variety of health topics. I love this job because the pieces have to be longish, well researched, and then reviewed by a medical professional. Anyway, today, I wrote an article about nyctophobia or fear of the night/dark. Sometimes I feel like I’ve written 1,500 words before I’ve woken up . . . as if I was in some weird zombie-like state.

On days I don’t have work, I try to get out and run ASAP. PS: I HATE running in the morning. I feel sluggish and tired . . . and I’ve just always been an evening runner by preference. But I’d rather run than not run, and this is often when I get the time. It’s just random which weeks I have lots of work, which weeks I don’t, and which it’s a mix. I have toyed with getting up at 5:00 AM, but I need to first get used to 5:30 and possibly shifting my bedtime. Sleep is weird these days, but I’ll explain that more later.

6:45-7:00 AM: Ada is usually waking up during this time. 

I try to get as much done as I can by 7 before I start turning the focus on her. We pick out her outfit, get dressed, brush hair, eat breakfast, pack her lunch, and I also just like to spend a bit of time with her before she’s gone from 8AM - 4PM each day. While she was done during this time slot last year as well, I still haven’t gotten used to seeing her so little during the week.

7:15 AM: Stephen leaves for work. Though last week he was leaving closer to 6:45.


7:30-7:45 AM: Eloise wakes for the day somewhere in this window. I get her up, changed, dressed, and give her a bit of a snack before we rush outside to wait for the bus.

8:00 9:00 AM: Bus leaves at 8:04. Eloise and I go inside to eat our breakfast together. 

She’s a slow eater and I also try to get stuff done while she’s in the high chair. I don’t think she’s actually in there for an hour, but it seems like we’re always done with breakfast/etc. by around 9AM.

9:00 - 10:00 AM: Run errands/get groceries/etc. 

Usually I need to run to the post office to ship out something for Poshmark, or I try to get us to the library to check out a few books. We’ll have a library reading hour coming up later in the month on Thursdays. If there’s nothing specific we need to get done in a day, we’ll take a walk or clean up the house a bit or just play. I may try going back to once-a-month grocery shopping to cut out the need to hit the store each week.


10:00 - 12:00 PM: Nap . . . I laugh. 

Eloise was consistently napping for two hours during this time. Now? Not so much. Something’s been going on lately with sleep (and I know these things go in cycles, so I’m not freaking out). She’s waking many times throughout the nights. Morning and afternoon naps are crap or amazing, and switching to just one nap was a disaster. So, we’re in a transition. As I type this it’s 11:15 and she’s waking up. I can’t complain. She slept for over an hour. It’s just hard to do what I would like and/or need to do.

Because usually during this time I would be able to finish freelance work or write for the blog or list items for Poshmark. If I wasn’t doing that stuff, I’d try to sneak in my workout for the day. Now, it’s a free-for-all, get as much done before she wakes. And usually when she wakes, she’s quite cranky. This, too, shall pass.

12:00 - 1:00 PM: Lunch time. 

Again, she’s not always in the high chair for this long, but I try to cook or clean while she’s eating and maybe watching some Daniel Tiger. I eat, too. I should do a post on the meals we eat most frequently. I feel like I cover dinner, but not breakfasts and lunches as much.

1:00 - 3:00 PM: This is a random slot of time. 

Sometimes this shifts if Eloise didn’t nap in the morning. Sometimes my parents come up during the week from PA to visit. Other times, I’ll have a play-date or friend-date scheduled. Other times, more errands and/or cleaning, which is proving futile with a toddler running around and climbing the dining room table.

I’m keeping it loose because I know once we go down to one nap that this is probably when she’ll be sleeping. Oh, this is also the slot of time that’s best to try to go to the children’s museum. We have a membership and it opens too late to go in the morning.

3:00 - 4:00 PM: Eloise attempts an afternoon nap. 

I try to get a breath, check emails, and just sit for like half an hour before Ada gets home. Occasionally I will have to finish more work from earlier if naps got in the way of finishing for a deadline.


3:45 PM: Ada’s home from school. 

I spend as much time with her alone as possible before Eloise wakes up. Then we all play together for an hour or so before dinner.

5:00 PM: I start/finish dinner. 

Ada is usually watching television in the living room (we originally got rid of the TV in this space, but it’s been helpful -- I’ll write more sometime). Stephen gets home anywhere between 5:15 and 6:00 PM. It’s much better during XC season than track season. With track, he has frequent meets during the week and may be home as late as 9PM sometimes.

It’s hard to plan family dinner as a result. Also: On Tuesdays we have gymnastics at 5PM. We have family dinner maybe 2-3 times during the work week. Otherwise, the girls eat and Stephen and I eat after bedtime. I resist signing up for too many activities for Ada’s sake (overtired) and my own sanity. I think one class is enough at this age. In a couple years we may add something like piano lessons.

6:00 - 7:00 PM: Daddy + daughter time.

Generally this is my only real guaranteed hour off for the day. The rest is a crap-shoot despite hot organized it may seem. Nothing ever really goes as planned, so I’m often scrambling.

Stephen spends time with both girls during this hour playing outside, taking a walk, or hanging in the living room playing guitar while they run around. I run if I didn’t have other time to exercise during the day. Sometimes we all take a walk together, get ice cream, or do something else as a family. Sometimes the house is such a disaster that I spend the whole time speed-cleaning.

7:00 - 7:30 PM: Baths, stories, bedtime. 

I think I’d like to start prepping for the next day more during this time slot. It’d make the mornings easier to pack lunch, set out clothes for school, etc.

7:30 - 8:00 PM: Stephen puts Ada to bed. I nurse Eloise to sleep.

8:00 - 10:00 PM: Adult time.

Stephen and I eat dinner if we didn’t have family dinner. We watch television, chat, or just generally zone out. Both of us are usually spent by this time of day. So, while I’d like to become more mindful of screen time and spending quality time together -- getting used to this routine is kicking my butt. So, if that means I watch YouTube, so be it!

10:30 PM: Lights out.

I try to get to bed by this time each night. But I’m finding that I’m very tired with how little Eloise is sleeping. I may try shifting this back to 10PM.

// WEEKENDS

This schedule is much the same on Saturdays, as Stephen is away at meets. But Ada is home all day, so any of the nap times are spent with her doing crafts, reading books, playing outdoors, going to birthday parties, or watching movies. We pick up our farm share several towns away, and this is a nice morning activity. Stephen leaves before 7AM and gets home between 3PM and 6PM from meets. There are a few that are away where he’ll be gone one or two nights as well. I have a goal to go to some of the home meets with the girls.

I’ll be honest that having a frantic week schedule and then waking up on Saturdays to solo parent again can be frustrating. I am thankful that Stephen has taken on additional responsibilities/gigs to make this WAHM thing work. It means I can take on slightly less work than I used to, which is essential now with two kids . . . no relatives who live nearby for child care and no real guaranteed work time.

Sundays we try to do basically nothing. Or just something very low key. On weekends, Stephen and I try to give each other some solo time to go out. We’ll take turns going to the movies (we both want to see IT this weekend). Or maybe seeing a friend, etc.

// Thoughts

So, that’s my typical day-in-the life. I am sure I am missing something or haven’t completely described a time slot . . . but I think you get it. I don’t feel like our days are any more busy than anyone else’s.

But I’ll be honest that sometimes I wish I could either just be a SAHM or a working mom. WAHM isn’t necessarily the best of both worlds. It’s just another world. With staying at home and not working, I feel like I could get a better handle on my household and have more focus -- be more present in what I am doing versus always feeling so frenzied. With working, I feel like I could focus better on my job tasks and carve out more sanity by feeling better organized.

What I’ve discovered through chatting with friends, though, is that there’s really no perfect life. We all do the best we can. And even those moms who seem to have it all together are struggling just as much as the rest of us!

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FAQ: My Career History // Part 1

New video for you today. Throughout the time I've had this blog, I've had many people ask me about what I used to do for employment. I thought it'd be a good topic for a quick video. I ran out of space on my phone before I finished adding in everything about my freelance years (2012 - present), so I figured I'd have a part 2 another day.

Here's my career history from graduating college in 2005 through November 2011.


The short of it is that I've done several marketing-related jobs. Then I worked in libraries. I actually worked at the Ithaca College library most of the years I was in college (including full time my freshman summer through graduation!). I love books and information, so I could see myself returning to that area someday.

I'm now in a place where I am happy working from home. I feel very fortunate to have the background that allows me to do it, but I'll get to the unique challenges in my next post. Working from home with just one child was relatively easy. Especially in recent years. Adding another baby to the mix has been interesting with regard to finding time without possibly hiring someone to babysit on occasion.

What do you do? I realized that I have "known" so many of you guys for ages, but I don't know what you spend much of your time doing for a job. Stay at home mom is certainly a job, too. (Boy, is it!) So, don't shy for sharing anything. Or maybe what would be more interesting is to share what you would love to do more than anything.

Happy Tuesday! And if you like this video, be sure to check out more on my YouTube channel. I'm hoping to start uploading one per week. It's a modest goal, right?

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Watch Me Get Ready! 5-Minute SAHM Makeup

Quick post for your Friday. Get ready with me! Here's my everyday makeup routine. It's very basic, it takes me just five minutes to complete. And when I'm done, I look natural -- just a bit more polished. Many of the products I use are from the corner drug store, though I do splurge on a few items, like my brow pencil.

Here we go!




Like I said in the video, I'm not (and don't pretend to be) a makeup expert. This is just the routine that works for me and fits into my schedule. When I go out, I may take some more time to do eye shadow, etc. -- but, I generally don't do anything more than this simple routine.

My hair, on the other hand, could use some help! I am considering getting it cut again. Not sure yet. I just hate the stage when it's too short to pull up but too long to look good by doing nothing to it. And I also haven't decided if I'll continue with blonde or go back to more of my natural shade.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed watching me get ready for the day. Now I'm off to visit a friend. Eloise's naps are definitely funky today, so wish me luck that she won't have a meltdown.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

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SAHM Decision // Budget + Sacrifice

I wrote this post back in 2012 right after I decided to leave full-time employment to stay home with baby Ada. I thought it'd be interesting to post this again . . . some four years later . . . and then to do a sort of follow up (next week!) now that we're on baby number 2.

As expected, I have received a lot of questions about how we came to our choice for me to stay home. Both financially and career-wise. The answers will definitely necessitate more than one post. I also feel like I need to write 10,000 disclaimers because staying home versus working is a touchy subject. To put it simply: There's no right or wrong way to raise a family. All the choices we have made are what works for our situation/family.

Today I'm going to focus more on the basics as they relate to money.

Before I found out I was pregnant, I used to think about staying at home and what it might be like. My mother stayed home with me. Stephen's mom stayed home with him. It's what we both know. For us, it would never, ever be possible, or so I thought.

Though our cars are both paid off, we have a modest mortgage, and we have no credit card debt -- our $800 student loans take a gigantic chunk out of our already tight budget. Financially, we just couldn't swing life with children on a teacher's salary alone.


Then Ada came. I kept running the numbers over and over and over again. I must have created at least 100 different budget scenarios in Excel. An ideal, everything-we-could-ever-want-and-more budget. Wasn't going to happen. An extremely scaled back, cutting-cable-and-absolutely-all-extras-including-weekend-fun budget. It was entirely too restrictive, and I couldn't see us being able to stick to it in reality. Then a budget that fell sort of in the middle. I tooled with it, and after a while . . . it started to make sense.

When dreaming up budgets, you have to make sure not to leave anything out. That pesky Netflix charge, though under $10, still adds up. So, if you're working on your own path to being a SAHM, consider the following fixed expenses:

• Rent or Mortgage/Escrow 
• Utilities 
• Health Insurance 
• Student Loans 
• Car Loans 
• Credit Card Payments 
• Car Insurance 
• Set Retirement Contributions 
• Whatever else you must pay each month

And the many variable expenses. (This is where you can get creative!)

• Groceries 
• Baby costs (food, clothing, toys, etc.)
• Entertainment 
• Clothing 
• Travel 
• Cable/Internet 
• Gas/Car Repair 
• Pet Care 
• Hobbies (Like Running -- shoes really do add up!) 
• Misc. Household (cleaning supplies, etc.) 
• Whatever else you find yourself spending extra on each month

It's helpful to track your expenses for several months to see exactly where your money is going. It can be incredibly eye-opening. We found that the majority of charges on our debit card were food-related purchases. Just lazy trips, too -- when we already had tons of food at home. We also spent a lot of "mad money" when we were feeling bored and just went shopping on weekends.

I created a worst-case scenario budget, too. You never know what might happen, so it's always good to know as low as you can absolutely go. In ours, I cut entertainment out, cable out, and certainly our allowances, which I'll get to in a moment.

I used some of the following resources to help:

Baby Center: Can you afford to stay at home?
Parents: SAHM Calculator
About.com: How to Save Money as a SAHM
Money Under 30: The Cost of Having a Baby


So, I guess what I'm getting at is that the first step in my decision was doing the work, crunching the numbers, and learning about AND accepting the (many) sacrifices entailed. For us, going to one income involves a lot of reducing, reusing, and recycling.

Here's what I mean . . .

• We've reduced our previously out-of-control grocery budget to $50 to $60 a week. It may not sound like a lot -- and, it isn't. So, we can't eat all the exotic and fun thing we used to. Tough. We don't go hungry either. I do, however, cook most everything from ultra-scratch.
• We've reduced our never-kept-track-of weekend/entertainment budget to whatever is left after we buy groceries subtracted from $100. Thankfully, we like our cooking more than going out. We're outdoor enthusiasts and, most times, nature is free. And going to the movies in the AM hours is cheap, cheap, cheap! 
• We are reusing old clothes we had considered getting rid of because we can't go out and buy all new. We may be in last season's duds, but style really isn't our thing anyway. We use money from birthdays and holidays to get extras.
• We're reusing other people's stuff by buying a lot of Ada's clothing at thrift stores. And to be honest, thrifted baby clothes, for the most part, are in excellent shape. I feel like we get compliments on her outfits all the time! 
• We are also cycling through old linens and other home items we had grown tired of. We can't just go out to Target/Home Goods and buy comforters, pillows, and home decor on a whim anymore. We're finding that stuff doesn't really matter much anyway.
• We don't have budget for travel beyond going on family trips (which are great!) and camping. This summer's big hoorah is a three-day camping music festival. Wish us luck with that one!

I think you can see that we're living tight. "Being able" to stay home isn't always what you'd think. I used to assume that most SAHMs were wealthy with lots of expendable income. There's a fair number of 'em out there, and I'm jealous, but I hope I am showing you that the stereotype isn't always the case.

For us, it's involved a huge mindset shift from having and wanting a lot to having and wanting less. It's freeing in a way, but sometimes difficult because a lot of the world around us doesn't live like we now do. Even after all this paring down, at the end of the month, we are lucky if we have $50 left. Yikes!


We worked hard during my pregnancy to cut back and save up 9 months of expenses so that we're covered in case of emergency. Surprisingly, we've already had several instances where that money has come in handy. (Like an unexpected $4,000 engine repair on Stephen's car.)

In our budget, I tried my best to over-estimate costs, leaving wiggle room for things to not go perfectly. I mean, when does life really go as planned? I definitely left us ample room for what we might spend on healthcare deductibles if we're all sick in a month and all need medicine and doctor visits. But that doesn't happen every month.

I even gave us each a $50 allowance. Yes. An allowance, like the kind you give a 10-year-old. On good months, we can spend this money any way we want. On tight months, this is an extra $150 that can go toward unexpected expenses.


It's not what I entirely expected, but I treat staying home like a true job. Probably the hardest job I've ever had. And I really do mean that. Before I had Ada, I used to have delusions about staying home being this blissful, relaxing activity. FUN was the main word that would come to mind. I'd picture days spent strolling in the sun, napping and playing together in the backyard. There's a fair share of that, but -- overall -- it's really tough, demanding work. (And I can completely relate to this recent article from Huff Parents about the SAHM and depression link.)

And though things like breastfeeding, cloth diapering and wipes, and from-scratch baby food are trends in the blog-world . . . for us, they are necessity. Absolute necessity. No pressure there. (Sarcasm.)

BUT IS STAYING HOME FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE?

I suppose I should mention that for a long time, I didn't think staying home was "financially responsible" as we raise our family. In fact, I read many, many threads in forums online with people sharing that exact idea. But then I realized all the benefits to staying home. Despite the crazy ups and downs, I do get to spend all my time raising my child, which is more rewarding than my previous employment was to me.

If you have the opportunity, I would suggest taking a longer unpaid maternity leave and seeing if your budget actually works in practice. It's how we ultimately decided to take the plunge. Plus, if I stay home now, it doesn't mean I'm staying home forever. In fact, when Ada is a year old, I am going to actively pursue freelancing work (I have a degree in Writing and have done some in the past) or other flexible part-time employment where childcare might not be necessary.

As you guys know, I DID get freelancing gigs, etc. So, as I mention in the intro -- I plan to do an update on this post as it now pertains to two kids. I have many more years of wisdom. Making this leap was the best decision I could have made. If you have any specific questions, please write them in the comments or shoot me an email at neverhomemaker@gmail.com!

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Day in the Life

It's been a long time since I've done a day-in-the-life post. That's probably because once we got into a good routine with Ada, we were on that same schedule for, like, years. When Eloise came into the picture, we had a rocky time getting used to the newborn craziness. It had been so long since we didn't know what to expect . . . and no two days were the same.

Now that Eloise is three months old, her schedule has ironed itself out on its own. I remember this happening with Ada. It's not like I have delusions that each and every day will be this way, but things have generally been taking the following pattern (on weekdays, at least):

6:00 AM: If Eloise hasn't woken on her own, I pull her in bed to feed her. She typically wakes naturally sometime between 6-6:30 and goes back down very easily -- knock on wood.

6:30 AM: By waking her, that means I can get up and out to go running before Stephen leaves for work shortly after 7. I can usually fit in a 3-5 mile run, which I do three times during the work week. The other two days, I use this early morning time to check emails and do a little freelance work.

7:15 AM: I get Ada up and start getting her ready for school. We do bath/shower routines at night, so it's just getting an outfit, doing her hair, eating breakfast, and getting in a little snuggle time.

8:00 AM: We go outside to wait for the bus. Then she's off until almost 4PM.

8:10 AM: Eloise usually sleeps again until around 8:15-8:30, so I use the time between the bus and then to read online or eat breakfast.

8:30 AM: Nurse Eloise again, get her dressed for the day, play just a bit, and then I take a short shower. By the time all of that is done, she's getting a bit cranky again.

9:30 AM: Eloise goes down for her morning nap. So far, it's been around 1-2 hours long. She's sleeping in her swing in the nursery with a video monitor trained on her every move (because I don't love that she's in the swing. We'll need to break this sooner rather than later. She's in her Rock 'n Play at night.).

9:30-11:30 AM: I usually use the majority of this time to do freelance and blog work. The last half hour, I like to see if I can sneak in some kind of mini-workout, like 20-30 minutes of Barre, yoga, kettlebells, or whatever else doesn't drench me in sweat (and that's another reason I love wearing leggings everyday, btw). If for some reason I missed my morning run, I'll do the treadmill.

11:30 AM: Eloise wakes again to nurse. I take her around the house with me and tidy up a bit. I'm not in a good housekeeping or cooking rhythm yet . . . but we do a bit of laundry, tidying up, and I may start making something for dinner.

1:00 PM: I've been trying to go out for the mid-day nap lately. It usually only last around an hour. So, I'll run things to the post office, get groceries, etc. I'll wear Eloise so she can snooze on the go. She fights sleeping while we're out. For a while, I felt really self-conscious when she would start crying, but she seems to settle after 10 minutes of general fuss. I think it's important to not have all her naps in her room in the dark.

2-3:00 PM: Depending on what happened that day (if we went out/not, how long the nap was, etc.), Eloise will either nurse two or three hours after her last feed. I'll try to watch her for signs of being hungry. Sometimes I really can't tell, so I just make sure it's within a 3-hour window.

3:45 PM: Eloise may be going down for another nap at this point or not quite yet. Either way, I need to wait for Ada to get home on the bus. So, sometimes I wear her while we wait. Sometimes, she's up for a nap.

4:00 PM: When Ada gets home, I really try to get Eloise down for that nap because it's my big chunk of time with my big girl. I know we won't always have uninterrupted hours -- but it's been important to me to try and spend some undivided attention time with Ada each day. We'll usually play outdoors with chalk or on the swing set. We'll go through her backpack and look at the stuff she did at school that day. We'll read books, etc. This is Ada-hour, basically.

5:00 PM: I'm usually nursing again sometime between 5:00-5:30, but I also try to get stuff ready for dinner while Ada watches a show on the iPad.

5:45 PM: Stephen gets home from work/coaching and we eat family dinner.

7:00 PM: Lately, we've been taking a short 15-20 minute drive each night as a way to decompress as a family. Eloise should be taking some sort of catnap in the evenings, but she can't seem to do it unless we're in the car. (So, otherwise, she's crying at the house.) We drive up near a few farms to let Ada check out the animals, admire the sunset, and sometimes we'll even get ice cream.

7:30 PM: Bath/shower time for both girls. Stephen usually gives Eloise the bath (Ada and I both help at the start because Ada loves helping.) I get Ada all ready, Stephen gets Eloise all ready . . . and then we switch off. I nurse Eloise usually sometime around 7:45 -- she takes her time with this feed, so I don't get downstairs until like 8:20-8:30.

8:30 - 10:30 PM: Thankfully, this has mostly been adult time lately. Obviously, sleep changes as the stages go, so I hope I'm not jinxing myself . . . but we can usually get in a couple hours of time to decompress. We mostly watch TV these days because we're tired from starting this new routine versus the summer. Eventually, I'd like to be doing sometime like cross-stitching or knitting. And I also use this time as work-overflow if I have pressing deadlines.

12:00 AM - 4:00 AM: At some point during the night in this window of time, Eloise will nurse again. She had been going all the way to 4AM most days . . . but lately, it's been at midnight or 1AM. I feel fortunate it's only been once a night, but I know the 4-month sleep regression is coming!

* As you might notice, there's not a lot of work time in my days. For the most part, I'm trying to shift my assignments to weekends. I didn't work when Ada was an infant until she was closer to 7 months old. But this is a whole different post for another day.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

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3 Years At Home // Thoughts On Life

When I made the decision to leave my desk job a little over three years ago, I didn’t have much of a plan. Instead, I knew my heart wasn’t at my old position and -- quite frankly -- didn’t totally feel welcomed back due to some circumstances around the time I went out on maternity leave. That stuff is neither here nor there, because I also had always pictured staying at home for at least the early years with my child/children. It’s what my mom did with me.

This isn’t the kind of life choice that I take for granted or think is the “right” or “wrong” way to do things. It’s simply all I knew of motherhood from my upbringing. I don’t even feel that terribly confident talking about it most of the time. In fact, I’m somewhat shocked we’re able to make it work. I still frantically wade through our bank accounts whenever we have unexpected big expenses to contend with. I still freak out when things with my freelance work shift and evolve (not always in an upward trajectory). It’s tumultuous -- I’ll give you that.

I often contemplate (and sometimes dream of) returning to full-time, salaried work. Even right now while we’re on the adventure for child #2, I’m asking myself some pretty heavy questions about my future, about staying home -- or not, and about what my life is becoming. In a way, I like that my world isn’t all black and white, and that I’ve been able to make freelancing part-time from home as a writer work. It’s the sort of crazy benefit of majoring in such a soft discipline and paying all those private school dollars, right? But it’s also mentally draining wondering if that next paycheck will come or when I might be left grasping at straws. Give and take.

Since pregnancy hasn't come quickly this time around, I started to genuinely freak out because I imagine all my freelance gigs drying up at once and being thrust back into the workforce at 8 months pregnant. Or some other unpleasant scenario. I suppose if this sort of thing happened, we’d find a way to make it work, just like we have with all other lemons we’ve been dealt. But that’s one downside to staying at home while not having a generous income from one person. It’s, instead, a partnership. It’s budgeting, which I have a black belt in after all these years. And some of it, honestly, is luck.

I look back on my “plan” to space my children apart and question myself. Should we have tried sooner? Could we have? I think life has a silly way of working itself out, since I cannot imagine going through Ada’s ordeal while pregnant or with a newborn. Regardless, I’m starting to realize that all of life’s decisions are just difficult. There are few times when one way is the “right” way. And that kind of just sucks because we’re often left wondering about all the millions of other paths we might have taken and where they would have led us.

Regardless, I’m starting to come to peace with the madness. I’m sure that doesn’t sound at all like me (I’ll be the first to admit that), but something inside me is shifting. I can’t go on feeling such anxiety about all of life’s big and small decisions anymore. About all the stuff that’s not under my control. Yeah, it’s “how I operate” -- but why have I not spent enough time questioning this sad situation? My writing routine has helped me a lot with sorting and making sense of these feelings.

 I feel sometimes like something else is trying to show me -- ever so slowly -- that I need to lose my desire desperate need to have a grip on everything in my life. And what’s more shocking is that I’m starting to understand and appreciate this way of thinking. I’m opening my mind and heart to a new way of being. It’s scary at times, but I’ll resist my tendency to shy away from the light.

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