Avoiding Burnout // A Wish List

As we prepare for the long days of school + XC season + a coaching course Stephen has to take, I've been brainstorming things that would make my life easier. I should also mention that I'm looking to double my own freelancing workload. Some of these things are what I'd consider reasonable wishes. Other things -- or things in combination -- seem like "wouldn't THAT be nice???" But I thought it might be a helpful exercise to share for those of you who feel desperate and can't seem to find a way out.

After years of struggling and suffering/powering through busy/tough times, I've decided that the only way to help my situation when I'm feeling completely over-stretched is to be proactive. I may not get all the things I list here . . . but just saying them out loud helps to acknowledge areas where things are tough. Does this make sense?

(I miss the beginning of summer so much right now!)

More childcare 

Or, I suppose just childcare . . . period. We have never had a babysitter who isn't family. And we don't have family where we live. So, we get dates once every one or two months. Dates are fun and all, but having some semi-regular childcare can also be helpful just in the day-to-day when Stephen is gone so much. I may need that time for work or just for my own sanity.

I don't know how babysitting would look . . . how many hours . . if it would be all or only a couple kids . . . or what. But I'm listing this first and foremost because I've been a parent for 8 years -- a work-from-home mom who, at times, was working nearly 30 hours a week -- without regular or semi-regular babysitting.

Some steps toward this: Eloise will be in preschool W-F from 9-11:30. It's a start. And we did just join our local YMCA for $70 a month. They have childcare hours that I'm hoping to take advantage of if my kids can get used to going.

Help with the house

I love cleaning and organizing. I can get into a good rhythm, too. But now that Eden is mobile and Eloise is in the drawing-on-the-walls, pooping-in-her-underwear, generally making ALL the messes stage, it gets over my head. Especially when I'm home alone for six days a week.

I had inquired about cleaning services a year or so ago and, at the time, they were recommending weekly cleaning. It was too much for our budget. I think twice a month might be better for how much we can spend. So, I'm going to revisit this.

More dedicated work hours

Like I said, I've worked from home freelance writing for eight years now. I've done it without dedicated work time. Without scheduling work hours. I don't know how I've managed. I relied on early mornings and naps mostly. With Ada, it was pretty easy. With adding Eloise, it got much harder but was OK because Ada was in school. Now with Eden, it's nearly impossible.

I've figured out generally how many hours of work time I need each week. I have decided I need to leave the house for at least half of these hours.

More food money

We had always prided ourselves on a super low grocery budget. Like $75 to $100 when it was just the three of us. I also was able to make pretty much everything from scratch because I honestly love cooking and enjoy spending hours toiling in the kitchen. These days, despite my love of food and making food . . . I just CAN'T take the time to assemble all our snack foods from scratch. I know many parents do it -- and some of you have shared how you still do it with several kids -- but I find it impossible with everything else on my plate.

But not making all our own food means buying more convenience foods. I also try to get more fruits and veggies to hand out. It all adds up, somewhat significantly . . . even at Aldi! So, I'm looking to increase our food budget to more like $175 a week, which would include getting, gasp, occasional takeout.

A schedule

I always just wing it with the kids. We have a few activities, but the rest of the time is unstructured. I think I'm going to experiment making a loose schedule -- even if that means that I'm putting things like "play time" or "dinner time" on a schedule. Without structure, I feel aimless and helpless. I may try making each day a theme. Like Monday Moves (do something active -- like going to the park), Tuesday Treats (like baking something with the girls), etc.

Saturday is the hardest, so I may try planning things out in advance (trip to go apple picking, play-dates, certain fall events, etc.) that we'll do each week. Even just writing about the possibility of a schedule makes me feel more empowered.

More me time

I tend to take very little time to myself when our busy seasons gear up. As an introvert, this is VERY bad and leads to mega-burnout. I'm not trying to paint myself as a special snowflake, but constantly being with my kids with no breaks is very hard for me. So, I need to definitely find a way to carve out alone time, even when I don't necessarily have it. That could mean asking Ada to watch over the girls so I can take a brief shower. Or getting in a yoga/breathing session when my kids nap versus working. Or spending time with friends who actually fill up my cup versus empty it (I'm sort of a social introvert. I have certain friends who don't deplete me).

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So, this is my wish list. A lot of it takes extra money, which is always hard. But having these ideas out there may help me come up with ways to make it a reality.

Is there anything you would add to this list? 
Do you share any of my wishes?

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Day in the Life

It's been a long time since I've done a day-in-the-life post. That's probably because once we got into a good routine with Ada, we were on that same schedule for, like, years. When Eloise came into the picture, we had a rocky time getting used to the newborn craziness. It had been so long since we didn't know what to expect . . . and no two days were the same.

Now that Eloise is three months old, her schedule has ironed itself out on its own. I remember this happening with Ada. It's not like I have delusions that each and every day will be this way, but things have generally been taking the following pattern (on weekdays, at least):

6:00 AM: If Eloise hasn't woken on her own, I pull her in bed to feed her. She typically wakes naturally sometime between 6-6:30 and goes back down very easily -- knock on wood.

6:30 AM: By waking her, that means I can get up and out to go running before Stephen leaves for work shortly after 7. I can usually fit in a 3-5 mile run, which I do three times during the work week. The other two days, I use this early morning time to check emails and do a little freelance work.

7:15 AM: I get Ada up and start getting her ready for school. We do bath/shower routines at night, so it's just getting an outfit, doing her hair, eating breakfast, and getting in a little snuggle time.

8:00 AM: We go outside to wait for the bus. Then she's off until almost 4PM.

8:10 AM: Eloise usually sleeps again until around 8:15-8:30, so I use the time between the bus and then to read online or eat breakfast.

8:30 AM: Nurse Eloise again, get her dressed for the day, play just a bit, and then I take a short shower. By the time all of that is done, she's getting a bit cranky again.

9:30 AM: Eloise goes down for her morning nap. So far, it's been around 1-2 hours long. She's sleeping in her swing in the nursery with a video monitor trained on her every move (because I don't love that she's in the swing. We'll need to break this sooner rather than later. She's in her Rock 'n Play at night.).

9:30-11:30 AM: I usually use the majority of this time to do freelance and blog work. The last half hour, I like to see if I can sneak in some kind of mini-workout, like 20-30 minutes of Barre, yoga, kettlebells, or whatever else doesn't drench me in sweat (and that's another reason I love wearing leggings everyday, btw). If for some reason I missed my morning run, I'll do the treadmill.

11:30 AM: Eloise wakes again to nurse. I take her around the house with me and tidy up a bit. I'm not in a good housekeeping or cooking rhythm yet . . . but we do a bit of laundry, tidying up, and I may start making something for dinner.

1:00 PM: I've been trying to go out for the mid-day nap lately. It usually only last around an hour. So, I'll run things to the post office, get groceries, etc. I'll wear Eloise so she can snooze on the go. She fights sleeping while we're out. For a while, I felt really self-conscious when she would start crying, but she seems to settle after 10 minutes of general fuss. I think it's important to not have all her naps in her room in the dark.

2-3:00 PM: Depending on what happened that day (if we went out/not, how long the nap was, etc.), Eloise will either nurse two or three hours after her last feed. I'll try to watch her for signs of being hungry. Sometimes I really can't tell, so I just make sure it's within a 3-hour window.

3:45 PM: Eloise may be going down for another nap at this point or not quite yet. Either way, I need to wait for Ada to get home on the bus. So, sometimes I wear her while we wait. Sometimes, she's up for a nap.

4:00 PM: When Ada gets home, I really try to get Eloise down for that nap because it's my big chunk of time with my big girl. I know we won't always have uninterrupted hours -- but it's been important to me to try and spend some undivided attention time with Ada each day. We'll usually play outdoors with chalk or on the swing set. We'll go through her backpack and look at the stuff she did at school that day. We'll read books, etc. This is Ada-hour, basically.

5:00 PM: I'm usually nursing again sometime between 5:00-5:30, but I also try to get stuff ready for dinner while Ada watches a show on the iPad.

5:45 PM: Stephen gets home from work/coaching and we eat family dinner.

7:00 PM: Lately, we've been taking a short 15-20 minute drive each night as a way to decompress as a family. Eloise should be taking some sort of catnap in the evenings, but she can't seem to do it unless we're in the car. (So, otherwise, she's crying at the house.) We drive up near a few farms to let Ada check out the animals, admire the sunset, and sometimes we'll even get ice cream.

7:30 PM: Bath/shower time for both girls. Stephen usually gives Eloise the bath (Ada and I both help at the start because Ada loves helping.) I get Ada all ready, Stephen gets Eloise all ready . . . and then we switch off. I nurse Eloise usually sometime around 7:45 -- she takes her time with this feed, so I don't get downstairs until like 8:20-8:30.

8:30 - 10:30 PM: Thankfully, this has mostly been adult time lately. Obviously, sleep changes as the stages go, so I hope I'm not jinxing myself . . . but we can usually get in a couple hours of time to decompress. We mostly watch TV these days because we're tired from starting this new routine versus the summer. Eventually, I'd like to be doing sometime like cross-stitching or knitting. And I also use this time as work-overflow if I have pressing deadlines.

12:00 AM - 4:00 AM: At some point during the night in this window of time, Eloise will nurse again. She had been going all the way to 4AM most days . . . but lately, it's been at midnight or 1AM. I feel fortunate it's only been once a night, but I know the 4-month sleep regression is coming!

* As you might notice, there's not a lot of work time in my days. For the most part, I'm trying to shift my assignments to weekends. I didn't work when Ada was an infant until she was closer to 7 months old. But this is a whole different post for another day.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

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It's a Good Morning

I woke up at 7 AM today, which is earlier than normal (I try to sleep as long as Ada will allow me to!), but I used that time wisely and got a good chunk of my work done -- uninterrupted. I also got in a bit of early breakfast (I guess you could call it part 1), some eggs and detox tea.

Yes. Detox tea. Though this plan isn't a detox, I imagine tea can't hurt anything.

When Ada woke up, it was immediately clear that she's teething. She's being very clingy and unhappy. Drooling like crazy. So, despite my attempts to play with her, I decided the best thing to do was swoop her up and take a walk around the neighborhood.

It's chilly and rainy, but a short mile was just what she and I needed.


I'll round out breakfast after I post with oatmeal or a grain of some sort mixed with unsweetened applesauce and some strawberries. I'm also planning to "snack" on a green smoothie before lunch to get in greens.

Speaking of mid-day meals, I'll be eating this hefty bowl of leftover miso stew from last night's dinner. And definitely a few more Chocolate-PB Energy Balls.


I loosely followed this recipe, but made the following modifications.

• Low sodium vegetable stock in place of water
• Peas in place of broccoli
• Juice of half a lemon versus ginger (I didn't have any)
• Added 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper for heat
• Omitted cilantro
• Omitted rice vinegar
• Increased the volume of everything a bit to yield more stew

GOAL #2: I'd like to experiment with new structure(s) for my day. Getting some work done before Ada woke up was a huge help. (I didn't think I could because much of what I do is posted in a time frame that works better for the west coast.) I don't feel as rushed or split with my attention for any of my responsibilities today.

This meant time for taking a short morning walk outdoors. I take lots of walks, but starting the morning off this way is the best. Fresh air is going to become increasingly more important as we head into the winter months. Also, I think one reason I've been eating poorly and feeling stressed has to do with feeling overstretched. I need to reevaluate the way I'm spending my time.

Right now, Ada's napping and I'm not furiously trying to finish up anything with a deadline. I get a breather or some time to actually cook, clean, pay bills, etc. That sounds rather old-fashioned, but part of staying home is keeping the house running smoothly. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed of that. After years of chaos, it's a nice change.

In short: I've always prided myself on my ability to multitask, but there's a calm in being able to focus on single things, even if it's only from time to time.

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Newton's First Law and Tiramisu Oatmeal Bake

I gave myself the morning off. We had both accidentally slept in until 6:30 AM anyway, so it was the perfect excuse to take things somewhat slower than usual. You see, this past month has been exhausting. Normally, it's quite insane. But with PT added to the mix . . . I can't catch up.

Newton's First Law: A body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

I guess this morning, that outside force was my alarm clock. It didn't go off. Now, some of you were wondering what a typical day-in-the-life looks like for me right now. Here it is . . . in excruciating detail:

• Wake up between 5:30 AM and 6:00 AM.
• Bike at home for 30 min to an hour. Or aqua jogging at the Y.
• Shower and get ready from 6:45 AM to 7:15 AM.
• Eat breakfast, prepare lunch, and scramble to leave the house by 7:45 AM.
• PT from 8:00 AM to 9:15M.
• Rush to work. Stay until lunch around 1:00 PM.
• Errands (bank/post office/x-mas shopping/blogging) during lunch break.
• Stuff down a sandwich at my desk while answering voice mail and email.
• At work till 5:00 PM.
• Gym by 5:15 PM. Home by 6:45 PM.
• Shower. Make dinner. On the couch eating by 7:30 PM.
• Baking and blogging and TV time until 9:30 PM.
• Random before-bed stuff (cleaning, cat duty, etc.) until 10:00 PM.
• Bed by 10:30 PM.

Something's gotta give. Eventually. Or I may pass out someday. Someday soon. (I'm being completely serious!) I think I may need to modify my workout routine. When I was marathon training, a single run could suffice for my daily workout. I could get fit it in one big chunk of time. Now, I don't exercise at the same intensity, and I'm left feeling restless. But working out is taking up SO much time!

And two showers a day? Ugh. My skin is begging with me to change. Or buy a new moisturizer.

(Also: No, mom. I'm not addicted to exercise. Mostly, my schedule is a little gym-heavy because I'm trying to keep some of my endurance . . . and check to see if my knee is cooperating with running. So, sometimes I get two solid workouts a day. Most times, only one. I stretch and do my PT exercises when my knee hurts. And I take off two days per week.)


A.n.y.w.a.y. I gave myself the morning off. And it was glorious. I took a long shower. I took time blow-drying my hair. Using hairspray to keep a style! Putting on makeup -- eyeliner and all!

Then, I cooked breakfast in our sunny, bright kitchen.


TIRAMISU OATMEAL BAKE FOR TWO
(Printer-friendly version!!!)

What you'll need . . .

• 1/2 cup rolled oats
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup almond milk
• 1 large banana
• 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 cup almond milk
• 1 tablespoon coconut flour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon baking powder

Method . . .

1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F. In the meantime, take the rolled oats, 1/4 cup water, and 1/2 cup almond milk. Mix together and cook in the microwave for around 5 minutes.
2. Slice a large banana into coins and set on a cookie sheet lined with tin foil. Spritzed with a bit of canola oil.
3. Mix together the cocoa powder, brown sugar, and cinnamon. Then shake the mixture over the bananas and use a fork to poke into each and press into the powder to coat well. Set in the oven for three minutes.
4. When the oats are done cooking, pour in the extra 1/4 cup almond milk and the coconut flour. Stir in the vanilla and baking powder.
5. Remove banana slices from the oven. Save four to six of the coins for after the bake. But take the rest and mix into the oats.
6. Lightly grease two ramekins. Divide mixture evenly between them. Then bake for 10 minutes.
7. Turn on the broiler and broil for 3 minutes, until lightly browned. Top with the remaining banana coins. Sprinkle a bit more cocoa powder on top for extra deliciousness.

No. The oats don't taste exactly like tiramisu. So, don't be disappointed. The cocoa-covered bananas, though, do remind me of that amazing Italian dessert. Plus, the whole thing is so warm -- incredible on a day when the temps are in the 20-degree range.

YUM! Check out that steam!


How do you cope with a fuller than full schedule? Do you map out your time? Do you sacrifice any certain activities? For us -- we often leave cleaning for the weekends (boo -- because that's supposed to be our time!). So, our house is seriously messy mid-week. Just leave a comment or email us at neverhomemaker [at] gmail [dot] com.

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Early to Rise, Early to Run

I have been struggling with running ever since our long bike ride last weekend. My legs have been tights. The temps have been high. And I've been running with Stephen -- which, even at his "slowest" is a quick clip for me. This morning, I was able to accomplish not one, but TWO goals: Run longer than 6 miles and run in the morning! So, at 6:33AM, I set out to run 7 miles. This post focuses on that second goal, because it's a more long-standing one with me: running in the morning . . .


Keep in mind that this morning's jaunt was the first non-race morning run in months. So, when you read these tips, it's sort of a do as I say, not as I've been doing kind of thing. Several years ago, I would run mornings (that's morning-runner Ashley, below). Loved every minute of it. But as my jobs got tougher (and schedules changed, etc.), I got lazy. I also let go of all the actions I knew would make me successful.


So, I'm writing this post selfishly to remind myself of all the good things I should do (and you should, too!) to ensure awesome morning runs. If you hate heat as much as I do, you'll be thankful when you get out of work (or school) and it's in the high 80s . . . and all you have to do is go home and drink an ice-cold beer.


Get up early. You need to carve out an extra hour or so to start. I'll get into this later, but the whole hour isn't to run. I don't just get out of bed, slap on my shoes, and head out the door. But start by getting up an hour earlier (or so) for at least a week (I recommend two) before you want to try running. That way, you'll feel awake, not like you're desperately trying to get up that early AND run.


Eat something. This also goes for the before you start running in the morning. If you're anything like me, eating in the early AM is difficult. So, practice. If you're going to be successful at running in the AM, you need to consume at least a little something-something. For me, a handful of walnuts or almonds do the trick. You may want to make a slice of wheat toast and slather it with a bit of peanut butter. Maybe half an energy bar (though, be careful with the calorie-loaded and overly-sugary kinds). Energy chunks. Just anything to give yourself a little energy. And don't forget to drink some water, too. A small glass will do -- but if you really think about it, you've not consumed anything in over 7 to 9 hours. You need to replenish your energy stores!

Start small. If you're new to running, you may want to start with walking in the mornings first. Even if you're not new, warming up with half a mile of walking might help you catch your stride. Or maybe a short bike ride around the neighborhood. Starting small also means lowering your distance expectations (after all, no workout is too short or too slow). Don't make your first morning run a 13-miler. I ran 7 this morning, but only because I haven't had a successful run in DAYS. Had I planned more "normally," I would have done 4.



Lose your expectations for speed. Those of you out there with Garmins permanently affixed to your wrists may notice your pace is slower in the AM hours. This is expected and certainly OK. What you see above is -- first, an 8+ mile run I did in the afternoon and then -- second, the 7-miler I ran this morning. Notice the difference in pace. Both runs were of similar planned exertion -- however, I started the morning one off much slower for the first couple miles. You'll notice, though, that I return to my typical pace by the end. You need to give your body time to warm up before you can speed things up. (Notice the gradual increase in pace -- below.)


Better yet, lose ALL expectations (at least to start). If you're having a ton of trouble running in the morning, lose the watch, tunes, and route-mapping. Be a Zen runner, really. Just go for as long and as fast as you can. Listen to the birds. Look at the trees. Enjoy being outdoors (or on a treadmill, I guess -- but I don't particularly enjoy that). Just get yourself moving . . . and in a few days (or weeks, that's OK, too) you should be on your way.


Eat breakfast. When you're done with your run -- refuel. If you didn't leave enough time for yourself, MAKE TIME. You will feel so very hungry for the rest of the day. You won't be providing the proper nutrition your body needs. Basically, you won't be able to sustain a morning running schedule.


Plan ahead. After trying it out for a few days, evaluate your progress. It might be easier if you set out your clothing the night before. Maybe running in the morning means making your lunch the day before, too. Perhaps your getting-ready routine needs to change slightly (I'm relatively low maintenance, but you get the picture). You may also need to go to be earlier. Actually, no -- you WILL need to go to bed earlier. But that's OK because you'll have tons of time in your evenings, now. And you won't be running in the hot, hot heat.

Bottom line: It's hard to break your habits and start new ones, but eventually, you WILL be able to do it. And it will feel glorious.

OTHER RUNNING-RELATED POSTS:

• Chase those Post-Race Blues Away
• Great Expectations
• Everything in Moderation
• Run Your Best Race
• Ice Baths: A Somewhat Necessary Evil
• How To Rest Easy
• Treadmill versus Outdoor Running: Which is Better?
• Should You Run While You're Sick?
• How to Run Long: LSD for Beginners
• How to Stay Motivated
• Running for Speed: How To
• Treadmill Survival Guide
• No Workout is Too Short or Slow 
• Ode to my 17-year-old Self: The Mile 
• How to Suit Up to Set Out (And Other FAQs) 
• How to Run

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