Toxic

Have you ever woken up and felt . . . just . . . toxic?

For me, it's been building for months (years?). I've talked about it here on the blog. I've even started some "plans" or thought of different things that might help. I've tried going gluten-free, keeping a diary of the foods I eat + calories, and many more tactics.

What's compounded the problem is this nasty cold I've had the last week or so. It's the worst cold I've had in years -- chills, chest cough, fever, night sweats (TMI?), etc. I've been to the doctor because it was getting that bad, but he said to sit tight because it's viral. Thankfully, this morning it seems to be letting up. In its wake, I am having major digestive issues, I'm mammothly (not a word) bloated, and I feel generally flat -- dazed + confused -- because I've been in bed, little movement, eating a diet of convenience + comfort foods.

Today I am starting a 3-day clean-food detox. I don't do the whole fasting thing. I'm interested in a juice detox, but don't have a juicer -- making lots of carrot juice in the Ninja would be too labor intensive. Scratch that. It would be Insane with a capital I.

The "detox" will be sort of like this one I found on the GAIAM website, but it's not vegetarian so I'll need to make some protein-riffic substitutions. Basically, there was a day over the weekend where I hit rock bottom. I felt absolutely terrible from my cold and I proceeded to eat s'mores, shovel down yet another grilled cheese, and then crave a beer (yeah -- I didn't drink one because of the cold, but I sure wanted to!).

I've realized the only person keeping me from feeling vibrant and alive again is me. I can dream all I want about ways to juice or detox or diet or what have you, but unless I start doing something and making that something permanent and not a gimmick -- this will be just another Monday that I thought to start, but continued the trend of sugar + alcohol + too much bread and dairy + etc.

It's funny how those Mondays can go from subsequent weeks to months to a year or more.

Commence the eye rolls.

I know I'm always writing about some grand scheme to do something like this. So, I don't blame anyone who is skeptical. (Even my snarky self is like, c'mon -- are you for real this time?) But REALLY, guys, I felt at the BOTTOM in the last few days. Knocking on heaven's hell's door, if you will. I'm am adult and I need to start acting like one and eating chocolate and marshmallows for lunch is something my 10-year-old self would have died to do, but that doesn't make it remotely OK 20 years later.

So maybe you're in similar shoes right about now. I invite you to join me. Informally, of course. (I'll be sharing my foods over on Instagram.) I'm hoping that taking the approach of a few days at a time will be better than setting out on some gigantic plan. Those are intimidating. I often make promises to myself that I can't keep.

But three days of using our CSA share to the max? I think I can handle that.

Off to make my oats . . .

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