Skinny versus Healthy

I've been down on myself lately because I've been carrying a few extra pounds in the weeks after hard training for the Lehigh Valley Half Marathon. I've not been watching what I've been eating. Been moving around far less. But I have stopped feeling bad for myself and realized I have the powder to turn it all around. So, this week I've revamped my "diet" (and I don't diet these days, just eat wholesome, good foods -- less sweet stuff and fats). I've been heading out the door more (despite how sore I am after our epic bike trek this weekend). And it seems to be working just fine.

It's more about how I feel than how I look or what the scale says. And I'm feeling much, much better. I'm getting back into my usual weight range, too. Without feeling hungry or like I'm denying myself anything.

All of this internal dialog, though, has made me think back to a time when I was seriously dieting. The entire summer before our wedding -- back in 2007. I was 23. I was totally stressed at work. And all that seemed to matter was the wedding and how I could fit into the dress the seamstress made a TAD too small. OK. Like an entire size too small. Back then, I weighed 10 pounds less than I do now. I don't even know how that's possible, but it is. I was seriously SKINNY -- frail, even. And I don't mean any of those words in a bragging or proud way.


I look back on our wedding photos and cringe . . . because I know what it took to be that tiny. So, I thought I'd profile SKINNY versus HEALTHY today. Because in the end, it's all about how you feel. What you can accomplish with your body (think race PRs not fitting into size 1 jeans). I know what my healthy weight is. It's where I land despite the highest mileage weeks during marathon training. When I'm eating the best foods. When I feel powerful and strong. It's not a specific number on the scale -- it's more a range. To repeat myself again, it's also a feeling.

SKINNY


Skinny just didn't feel right. I'd wake up each morning tired, drag myself out of bed, and "feast" on a one-serving bowl of Special K. I'd rush around to get to work, where I'd sit and deny my cravings. And that would maybe be OK if I was craving fruits and veggies -- because I SHOULD have been eating them. Instead, if I got terribly hungry, I'd nosh on a small package of Oreo 100 calorie packs. I'd drink ridiculous amounts of coffee to keep myself buzzing (and I HATE coffee). Lunch was always a small serving of broccoli and brown rice (to put it in perspective, I eat probably 3 times this serving size now).


When I'd get home, I'd try desperately to run. But I was far too stressed and tired, so I only could manage long, brisk walks around the neighborhood. It felt weird not being able to run. But during that period of time, I thought eating less was better than working out more. It was this warped logic I found myself in when I started to see the numbers on the scale plummet. I'd eat a dinner -- never the same as Stephen -- which was always, always, always a Lean Cuisine (thinking about all that sodium makes me sick!). Then I'd finish out the night by eating a popsicle and maybe another Oreo 100 calorie pack. And that was IT. I'd do push-ups and lift weights during commercial breaks of wedding planning shows. Occasionally I'd binge on peanut butter M&Ms and feel incredibly awful and guilty about it.


Thinking back, I remember being hungry ALL the time. I remember having absolutely no energy. My stomach would growl. I'd feel lightheaded. Basically, I had nothing inside of me, and that's exactly how I felt. My emotions were EVERYWHERE, too. And I know that's a symptom of wedding planning, but I'm sure not-so proper nutrition didn't help matters any.

The wedding day came and went. And, thankfully, I quickly returned back to my healthy habits once all the stress to fit into the dress faded. I can't help wondering, though, how I found myself in that incredibly destructive cycle. It crept up on me so gradually. And before I could do anything about it, I was so immersed, I really couldn't see I needed a way out.

HEALTHY


I consider this past year my healthiest year. I stayed at my "active weight" -- the weight where I feel the best, the most able to achieve my goals, like running a marathon. I wake up each morning tired, but not from lack of calories. From a good sweat the night before. I eat a hearty bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, usually with sliced fruit and/or nuts. I bring lots of food to work with me -- apples, celery sticks with natural nut butters, carrots, hummus, whole grain pita bread, even an energy chunk or two. I could go on.

Point is: I never go hungry. I don't eat a "lunch" -- just graze throughout the day. I bound from place to place, but don't FORCE myself to walk if I don't feel like it. I read during my breaks and blog during my specific lunch time.


When I get home, I run. I've been training for lots of races, so I have a prescribed plan most of the time. And usually I'm able to complete my workout for the day. If not, I don't get too down on myself because I realize my body needs rest. I try my best to distinguish when I need rest versus when I'm just not feeling it (and know that heading out will actually be more beneficial than not). Dinner each night is different. We do still eat broccoli and brown rice a lot, but as I mentioned above -- a lot more of it. We get creative with our meals. They're always teeming with fresh vegetables and fruits. And I most usually eat some type of dessert (much of what you see on this blog).

After dinner, I don't force myself to lift weights or do crunches during commercial breaks. If it's nice out, maybe we'll take a walk or play yard games. Other nights, we read, blog, and watch TV. Before bed, I work toward my goal of doing 100 push-ups at one time (I'm up to 65!!!). I go to bed by 10PM every single night.


Healthy feels strong. Confident. Relaxed. Centered. And steady. I love to cook and bake, and I can enjoy these hobbies instead of fear them. I love to race, and I can participate in many races without feeling like I'll faint. I may not fit in my wedding dress, but I'm still fit. It feels so much better to live this way, and I just wish I had these happy memories from back THEN, too. Instead, I consider my skinny summer The Lost Summer. Because all those reduced calories and bad feelings have definitely impacted my memory.

Now, I'm not saying you can't be skinny AND healthy. I'm not saying what is right for me is right for you. But I'm asking each and every one of you to take careful stock of how you feel right now. How you feel from day to day. If you're hungry. You need to eat more. If you're tired and not enjoying exercise, you need to reconsider what you're doing. Just because you find yourself in a routine . . . or with a specific goal that may be unreasonable . . . doesn't mean you can't break out of it.


However difficult it may be, you and you alone have the power to change. Ultimately, this is your life to live. This is your body. And I don't know about you, but I'd rather feel accomplished and strong than fit into a tight, tiny wedding dress.

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Everything in Moderation

We've all been there at one point or another. That point where enough just isn't enough. And no matter what area of life you've experience it in -- over-studying, over-eating, over-exercising, over-purchasing, over-anything-ing -- there's a breaking point. It's true: There can be too much of a good thing. Today, I'm applying this idea to exercise. I've been a runner for over 8 years now, and I've dealt with both the physical and mental drainage of overdoing it.

Back in the summer of 2004, I was hardly sleeping. On top of it, I'd wake each morning at 5AM to bike for an hour or more. I would go to work for 8 hours and then return home to run for as long as I could make myself. I wasn't eating much. I dropped close to ten pounds on my already thin frame. I was staying out late with friends. I was running races every weekend. Overall, I was exhausted -- burning the candle at both ends.


I look back at photos of myself from this period of time (the above isn't one of them -- it's from last year's marathon), and I'm gaunt. I look super tired -- dark circles, dull skin. My race times were far from fantastic. Strangest of all, my memories from this summer are hardly there. I sincerely believe all this running around may have had some impact on my mental capacity. There were so many demands I was putting on myself -- I was in constant motion.

You may be thinking: How can there even BE such a thing as too much exercise? Healthy people run ultra-marathons and participate in Ironman triathlons. That's all very true (and awesome). What we're really dealing with is this fine line between what's a healthy and not-so healthy extreme. It's tricky to define. There's no right formula. No one-size-fits-all approach. That doesn't mean you can't gauge this for yourself, however.

Keep in mind, I'm not a doctor or nurse, etc. I have no expertise in any health field. That being said, I know what I know from experience. I know what I know from my own struggles and triumphs. And this advice is just that, advice. Take from it what you think makes sense. Discard the rest, if you wish. But whatever you do, be honest with yourself.


1.) Listen to your body. Feeling tired is sometimes an easy excuse to skip a workout. If I feel this way, I tend to gently nudge myself to get out for a least a short workout and see how I feel afterward (remember: no workout is too short or slow). If I still feel completely out of it the next day, I take that day off. In fact, this happened to me just this week. We ran our half marathon on Sunday, and I resumed normal training. Wednesday, I felt completely drained -- but I ran anyway. Thursday night, still felt the same.

• Basically: Feeling exhausted is your body telling you something's up. You may be getting a cold. Or, at least what I believe is the case for me, you may just need to recharge after a hard workout or race. There are limitless reasons. But if you're feeling physically and mentally depleted, you shouldn't ignore it.
• The same goes with injuries. Some pain and soreness is expected with running. We all have our injuries from time to time. But if you're running through pain and it just won't go away -- take heed. Check out these common overuse injuries, and even make an appointment to see your doctor. I have seen far too many runners who "work through the pain." Those who have chosen to self medicate, bandage or bind up sore limbs -- and when I ask them about what happened, it sounds like they've got a bad case of the too-much-too-soons.
• The same goes with sickness. Maybe you have a cold that just won't go away. Or you're finding yourself at the doctor at least once a month for one thing or another. Exercising too much can bring down your resistance and worse. You can even develop issues like amenorrhea or anemia. Working out is supposed to invigorate you. It's supposed to contribute to a healthy lifestyle. But if you're not feeling particularly healthy, see your doctor and examine your habits.

2.) Keep your whole routine in perspective. Life happens. If you're in school, you may be missing tons of sleep with final exams coming up. If you work, you may have logged some late hours in the office to finish a project. Whatever the case may be, life requires extra energy from time to time. If you have a week (or even entire month) that requires you be on in another capacity in your life, re-evaluate your workout plan. It's OK to scale back or even take a small break. Try to still get in at least some activity (20 to 30 minutes of exercise a day), but go easy on yourself.

3.) Stick to the plan. This tip is certainly from current personal experience for me. After marathon training in the fall, I'm having trouble staying at the reduced mileage my half marathon plan prescribes. I tend to try to follow the plan that's a step up from where I really should be training (advanced versus intermediate). Week after week, I can't keep up with the mileage. The speed work. The tempo runs. For me, I'm trying to do too much. And as a result, it makes me feel mentally down in the dumps. My legs are tired. I don't feel like running at all some days.

No matter what you're training for, stick to a plan. And a plan that's right for you, not your sister, best friend, husband, etc. For example, marathons can be run in only three workouts a week. I know people who have done so successfully. I trained for mine running between 4 and 5 workouts a week. Stephen did his by heading out 6 days. Find a plan that works, and stick to it.

4.) Exercise for yourself and yourself only. This is, perhaps, the most important tip of all. Don't get caught up in a goal that isn't your own. Maybe you're a newbie runner surrounded by marathoners. Resist the urge to head out on a 20-miler if you aren't prepared. Stop looking at what others are doing (I know this is particularly difficult) and judging yourself against their fitness levels. Instead -- focus on your own successes.

We all have different abilities. So, if you're embarking on a plan that just doesn't feel like a good fit -- you may be overdoing it for your particular fitness level. It doesn't mean you'll never reach what you're struggling with now. It just means you may need more time. For example, if you just finished a couch to 5K plan -- congrats! However, this doesn't mean you need to skip straight to marathon training. You can reach your ultimate goal, but in steps. Do some 10Ks, 15Ks, and half marathons first. Work on speed versus distance. Etc. Do your research, and you'll find there's a race or other goal out there that will work best for you. And you're all that matters.

OTHER RUNNING-RELATED POSTS:

• Run Your Best Race
• Ice Baths: A Somewhat Necessary Evil
• How To Rest Easy
• Treadmill versus Outdoor Running: Which is Better?
• Should You Run While You're Sick?
• How to Run Long: LSD for Beginners
• How to Stay Motivated
• Running for Speed: How To
• Treadmill Survival Guide
• No Workout is Too Short or Slow 
• Ode to my 17-year-old Self: The Mile 
• How to Suit Up to Set Out (And Other FAQs) 
• How to Run

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