How Things Are Going . . .

Another question I've been getting from people in my real life + people online is how transitioning to life with three kids is going. Well, it's actually quite perfect. I've got everything so under control. So much so, that as I write this very blog post, I just successfully put down Eloise and Eden for simultaneous naps!

Super mom, right?

Wrong.

I have no clue what I'm doing. Of course, we're just two weeks in, so it's not fair for me to call myself a failure yet. I'll say that Stephen's two weeks off haven't been necessarily as dreamy as they sounded on paper. He's had to continue coaching, including meets, and doing grading and other responsibilities. So, I've been sort of trial-by-fire thrown into solo parenting three kids a few times already. And it's scary, guys. I mean, I feel completely out of my element.

It's not that I wasn't expecting a transition. Even a major transition. I expected it. But I suppose I thought maybe I'd magically have a bit more figured out with the newborn stuff fresher in my mind this time around. But that's the thing. I think what's more difficult than having three kids is having a newborn and a spirited toddler. Ada's at school much of the day, so figuring out how to tend to a toddler's needs (diapers, naps, meltdowns, etc.) and a newborn's needs (constant nursing, diapers, fussy times, naps, etc.) . . . it's just --

(((Baby started screaming from her swing nap)))

Ok. Where was I?

Everyone has needs.

And I'm not yet good at meeting them all at once. The best tip you guys shared with me for parenting three kids is to use my baby carrier, like, all the time. I have four baby carriers! A Moby Wrap, Ergo 360, Maya wrap, and Woven wrap. So far, Eden sort of only likes the Ergo with the infant insert if I'm constantly moving (constantly!). But getting her to fall asleep is impossible, so she basically just cries and fusses while I attempt to do things like cook, clean, change diapers, help with homework (not super easy with a carrier IMO).

(((Screaming again -- I give up on the nap despite all the frantic yawning I'm seeing)))

Yeah. So, getting used to a toddler and a newborn is kicking my butt. I am hoping time will help. I am hoping I'll learn some stuff as I go along. I am hoping that she'll start liking the baby carrier. I'm hoping that we can get this naps-in-the-nursery thing down even if she has to sleep in a swing until she's six months old (like Eloise did! Thanks to Precious Little Sleep -- which is a great resource, btw!).

But right now I'm feeling like a master of nothing, so it's humbling. (For example, I have absolutely no idea how I'll return to freelance writing with the current stretching of my energies.) That said, both Eloise and Ada love having a little sister. They both beg to hold and kiss her all the time. In fact, they fight over it, which has been a bit of an issue. I'm just happy that there aren't sore feelings around bringing home another child. Ada's been a bit sensitive and possessive (she's MY baby).

Sorry to not have a more promising outlook to share at this moment.

(((Oh, wait. Maybe Eden is going to nap! How have her screams not woken Eloise?)))

I will say that emotionally I'm feeling good after delivery. I haven't been weepy or depressed or filled with anxiety, which is similar to what I experienced after Eloise (with Ada I did experience some PPD). I'm not feeling overwhelmed despite how it sounds. I just am hoping to figure out some stuff. To find a groove. Any kind of groove will do. But I'm not being too hard on myself. Dinner has been scrambled eggs and toaster waffles. I had a sincere talk with Ada about not having a birthday party this year because it's too much to toss into the equation.

In other words: I'm going easy on myself. We're stepping back from tons of responsibilities as a family and trying to have a quiet holiday + winter season. We're giving our family some grace. Maybe next time when I write about being a family of five, I'll have some words of wisdom to share.

Until then -- do YOU have any advice for me?

Read more...

It's a Girl!

We're so happy to share that we'll be adding another sister to the family. The way I chose to find out was pretty anticlimactic. We had the genetic testing done and -- as part of it -- you find out the sex if you choose. So, the nurse asked me on the phone if I wanted to know. And I eagerly replied: "YES!" And then she said "would you like it in an envelope to pick up" -- and before she could finish her question, I was like "TELL ME, TELL ME!"

Because I'm horrible with surprises.

When she said IT'S A GIRL . . . it was such an unexpected experience. Hearing we were having another girl brought this wave of calm over my body. I immediately felt in my heart that our family is complete. It feels like this is what is meant to be. And I think raising a boy would have been interesting, but not terribly much different.

We went into this pregnancy with absolutely no preference. We never have had a sex preference -- children are all such gifts and PEOPLE are complex, so boy/girl really doesn't say too much in terms of how life will be. She'll have a vagina. Otherwise, we'll treat her like a human. Heck, I took wood shop and metal working instead of cooking and sewing in school. Being a girl or boy doesn't necessarily dictate interests.

Eloise still doesn't understand what's going on, but Ada is thrilled to hear there's another sister coming. We immediately went out and bought her a coming home outfit. I mean, this kid is destined to a life of hand-me-downs, she deserves SOMEthing special, right?

We've received such warm responses to our news, too. So many of you have shared that you come from all-girl families and that the bonds you have with your sisters is amazing. I have a younger brother and I had all male cousins until I was an adult. Being surrounded by boys my whole life felt like my destiny. So, raising girls is special to me. I do feel a special bond with them that I would describe as being different. Again, it's not really that they're GIRLS. But I suppose that must play in at some point. We'll share trials and other things that only girls/women can understand on some level.

I have also been told that we're in for an eternity of hearing comments like "Oh, your poor, poor husband" or "Are you going to keep trying for a boy?" or "You'll have to beat away the boys when they're teenagers" (Uh, what if one or more turns out to be gay? So many stereotypes and such!). As if somehow that matters. It's already become a reality even just one day after sharing the news. But we'll shake it off. Honestly, we're all incredibly stoked and genuinely feel like our family is complete with another girl.

And we think we have a first name! It just came to me the other day. It's a name we've considered in the past, but it somehow feels right this time around. That said, I may get hormonal and decide against it. Still very much lost on middle names as well. But knowing we're having a girl and knowing that we may have her name is making this feel all the much more real.

I'm almost 12 weeks. Everything is looking good. Aside from morning sickness, I don't have any pregnancy complaints. This is very different from my last pregnancy, and I hope to write more about it soon. Oh, and our genetic screen came back with low risk of chromosome issues -- and that's really what I was most excited of all to hear. Obviously there are other serious health issues that a screen would not pick up. But we've been there and done that, so we'll take each day as it comes.

Hope you have a great Friday!

Read more...

Big Sister

As you may have gathered from my latest Instagram post, we told Ada she’s going to be a big sister!

I’m 12 weeks and 4 days today, and I had my NT scan yesterday. But first I’ll back up to my 12 week appointment with my midwife. I had some concerns about being on antibiotics and a few questions about the group B strep, so we moved my appointment a bit earlier. We got to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler, and it was beating away at 168 beats per minute.

One big bit of TMI news is that my retroverted uterus has finally flipped into the “correct” position. So, as I had mentioned a few times, my cervix is now up and way out of reach when it had been extremely low. I’m sharing this because having a retroverted uterus -- while not entirely rare or concerning -- can lead to some complications if it doesn’t right itself. It’s just another thing women worry about, but in the vast majority of situations, everything will be just fine.

So, my NT scan. I didn’t get this screening with Ada. I was only 27 when I was pregnant with her, we had no problem getting pregnant, we don’t have a strong family history of genetic disorders (that we know about), etc. Still, this time around, we still don’t 100% know why I was miscarrying. It does seem like it was a progesterone issue, but the question mark is still there. And after Ada’s brain surgery, we just thought getting some additional testing might help us prepare for anything we’re up against.

We won’t get the final results for some time, but the scan portion of the test went very well. Everything measured in normal ranges and there weren’t markers for anything off the bat. I did have to give blood in the lab and will have another round of blood work before I get my results (at least I think that’s how it works). Has anyone had this test? What is your experience? I suppose if anything comes back abnormal, I can go on to have further testing.

Anyway, the baby was kicking up a storm in there. I couldn’t believe how big he/she has gotten. The heart rate was again 168 beats per minute (very consistent!) and everything measured right on for my due date on June 26th. The tech showed us the developing brain, the faint outline of the chambers of the heart, the fingers and toes, and all sorts of physical features.

When I was pregnant with Ada, I wasn’t terribly concerned with the sex of the baby. This time around, I really want to know what we’re having -- but not for the reason you might suspect. We absolutely, positively don’t have a preference either way. And I couldn’t mean that with any more truth in my heart. I so badly want a healthy baby. But, on the flip side, I would love to know what we’re having because I’ve had tremendous trouble bonding with the baby. It’s taken me a long time to really feel confident that the pregnancy will continue, that everything will be OK, and that’s kept me from connecting.

For example, I’ve shared very publicly that we’re pregnant online. But in “real life” I get uncomfortable talking about it!

The tech did offer a preliminary guess based on that whole “nub theory” you might have read about on birth boards. Our baby’s nub is pointing straight out, parallel with the spine, which may mean girl. It’s an early guess, but even having that discussion helped me feel like this is all really happening.

I may do more pregnancy updates from this point forward. In a way, I feel like writing little notes will help me with the whole bonding thing. I’ve had trouble celebrating because I keep feeling like something bad is going to happen. And we’re not ever going to be in the clear. So much can happen during pregnancy, birth, after birth, and beyond. That’s life -- but I also think I need to try to let go of that fear and enjoy the ride.

For now, I’ve taken a few baby steps. I’m looking up some gear since much of what we had with Ada is worn or expired. We actually did buy a crib already, which I felt really conflicted about at the time . . . but it was a good deal. I’ve also asked Santa for a Doppler so I can listen to the heart beat from home. I know it can also create some anxiety, but I’m the type of person who will probably stress either way!

Also: The story with telling Ada really isn’t as exciting as you’d think.

I wrapped up a few baby things in a box and at the bottom had a shirt that said “THE BEST BIG SISTER!” I also bought a couple books, including Baby on the Way by Martha + William Sears -- I highly recommend this one because it mentions midwives and nursing, etc. We told her the news, and she didn’t have much of a reaction. Like, at all. I think she’s a little confused because baby has been in the vocabulary for so long with nothing to show for it.


But as the day went on, she got more and more excited. She asked lots of questions and even wanted to “watch a movie with the baby in mommy’s belly.”

I could write a load more, but I think I’ll stop here. Thank you for all your love and support as we’ve gone through all the highs and lows in this journey. We still have a long way to go, but we’re ready to fully embrace the positives.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...