The Season

My friend Lindsey and I were recently chatting through our masks at a local ice cream shop. She said that her younger son refers to what we're all going through right now with COVID as "the season". I like looking at it that way because it means that it will pass. In this moment, it feels like this big question mark with no end date and with endless battles still left to be waged.

I started to write myself a note on my phone. I haven't felt inspired to write or journal for, well, years (I mean, look at the last time I updated this blog!).

I wrote:

Weekends aren't weekends.

Nothing feels like a break.

Life is beyond hard.

And it gets harder when you realize you aren't appreciating any of it anymore.

I dreamed for years of being a mom.

And I'm not appreciating my children.

This time is fleeting.

Now it all feels like work.

Work that I resent.

I want my life back.

I want their lives back.

I'm sick with indecision and uncertainty.

I can't do this anymore.

I want this to end.

When will this end?

It sounds like a dramatic cry for help. It's really not. I'm mentally fine -- chugging along -- but I'll get these moments where it feels like . . . A LOT. Because LIFE IS HARD normally. Right now? It's just not something I ever imagined.

I was hit by a car while walking in November. that was very difficult both physically and emotionally for me. I'm still dealing with issues on both sides. Beyond that (and like many of you), we have had basically no breaks from our kids since COVID started. We love them, but it's too much togetherness for all of us. On top of it, we canceled summer vacations. We now agonize over trips to the store. We have worn deep paths at local parks and trails. We are running out of steam. We're . . . over it.

Yet we're not anxious to return to normal life. We dutifully wear our masks everywhere we go, and we believe it's a small thing we can do to help. Still, we have trouble with the idea of going to in-person dining at restaurants. We have sheepishly ducked out of playdates and social invites.

Maybe we're too strict? I don't know. If you aren't, don't feel too judged. While I don't agree, I understand the desire to just get back what we have lost on some level. And I fully acknowledge and appreciate our privilege to lay so very low. What we're up against is invisible. What we know about the disease and how to deal with it seems to change on the daily. Our numbers here in NY state are low. It's easy to think we crossed some hurdle or milestone. In reality, it's just not so.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I am considering homeschooling. I wish I could tell you I'm a homeschool mom who is LIVING for the idea of teaching my children from home. In the past, it was a fantasy of mine. I've written posts about it or shared some things I was doing with my kids to teach them. Like many bloggers, I was trying on a persona. One that just doesn't fit who I really am. I can admit that now that I'm weeks away from turning 37 and have given up trying to be someone I'm not.

So, while I wish I could tell you I have confidence in my ability to be that kind of mom -- I'm not. But my desire to homeschool now more out of necessity. I also feel like taking more kids out of the schools might help those people who don't have it as an option. Fewer kids will lower risks. At least that's my hope.

My own mom knows me quite well, and she has asked me: "What would it take for you NOT to homeschool (because she knows it would drive me bonkers)?"

And, honestly, I couldn't think of a scenario.

That said, we value public education. It's our livelihood. I was planning to start freelance work at a higher level this year with two kids in school. (Eloise is slated to start pre-kindergarten!) We wonder if Stephen will be forced to teach in-person classes and to coach. Or will he be forced to gather together an online curriculum at the very last minute? And will we lose coaching income we depend on -- especially now that our grocery bills are out of control with being home 100% of the time?

I wonder if homeschooling will redirect funds from our school district. Funds they desperately need to operate, especially in these times. We have every intention of returning to public school . . . and there's also this feeling of sadness for leaving a community. We just moved in March to a new district and Ada never had the opportunity to start at her new school. It has felt odd to be in a new neighborhood with people we don't know. We've had some waves here and some short conversations there. I can't tell if I am mourning leaving our old community or mourning the life we used to have before this all began.

In the end, I don't know what we'll end up doing. In the immediate future, we're just anxiously awaiting the state guidelines. From there, we wait for Cuomo's decision in early August as to whether or not the physical buildings will open.

If you made it this far. Hi! It's been a long while. I felt compelled to come on here and just say hello. I hope you are faring well in the season. If you aren't, I assure you that you're not alone. This morning, in fact, I chatted online with three different real life friends of mine who cried (me too!) mulling over all the possibilities in the coming year. I'm sure those won't be the last tears we'll all have over these matters.

BTW: This photo was taken of us in the first days of the shutdown for the Front Porch Project. It feels like an eternity ago. But, hello!

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Day in the Life // One Month + Three Kids

Happy one month to Eden Rhys! I'm over four weeks in and still have very little idea how to manage everything. Instead, I feel like I've been along for the ride.

Here's a loose schedule of what my days are looking like lately.

7 AM -- Ada and Eloise wake up. Stephen heats up some instant oatmeal for them

7:15 AM -- Stephen leaves for work and I rush around getting any last-minute stuff for school (Ada) and preschool (Tuesdays/Thursdays for Eloise)

7:45 AM -- I tend to get Eden up for the day at this time unless she's already awake herself. Gives me time to change and nurse her before Ada gets on the bus. Also gives me time to get her ready if we're driving to preschool.

8 AM -- Ada's off to school

8:30 AM -- We're either home and I'm picking up the living room and kitchen or we're off to preschool and I'm running errands. This is where I sometimes and regretful that I signed Eloise up for anything. On one hand, it gives her something special to do when it would otherwise be difficult for me to take her places with the baby. On the other hand, it messes with the schedule and I don't really get much time out of it for myself. Oh, if we are home, I've been trying to prep dinner during this time. And by prep dinner, I mean toss a bunch of stuff in the crock pot.

9 AM -- Eden is taking her longest nap of the day. Hopefully. She naps really well for Stephen and not so much for me. But if all is good, she'll sleep 2 hours in her nursery in the MamaRoo while I check in on the video monitor. Eloise and I retreat to the basement to play.

11 AM -- Nurse Eden while Eloise watches TV. We hang out in the living room and I make Eloise a quick lunch. Usually a sandwich (PBJ or grilled cheese) and something quick for myself.

(((On preschool days, we leave the house around 11:15 to pick up Eloise.)))

12 PM -- Noon or so when it's about time for Eden to go down for another nap. Sometimes -- depending on the day -- this is later, more like 12:30. I love when this happens because I MIGHT have the opportunity for the girls to take simultaneous naps.

1 PM -- I take Eloise upstairs, we read a couple books and sing a couple songs. Then I cross my fingers that she'll nap. She's been OK about it lately, but we did hit a pretty bad patch in the last couple weeks where the nap was maybe 45 minutes to an hour at most. With a new nightlight, she'll tend to stay upstairs closer to two hours.

By the way: If I got the girls taking naps at the same time . . . I do absolutely nothing productive. I celebrate the small wins, right?

2-2:30 PM -- Eden wakes up somewhere in here and I nurse her. Then we hang out and wait for Eloise to wake.

3 PM -- Yay! Cross country season is over! Stephen can actually get home as early as 3 PM. Sometimes he'll stay and do his run after school. Other times, he'll come home right away and let me pass off the baby so I can get in a run. I've been sticking to just 3 miles until I have my 6-week appointment next week. It feels great to get out even in the cold weather.

4 PM -- Ada gets home from school. If I had gone running, Stephen will go out and get in his sweat session. I go through Ada's blue folder and school bag. I pack her lunch for the next day at this time. Eden may be sleeping around now. And Eloise is usually happy to play with Play Doh or paint.

5 PM -- Dinner for the girls. And lately for us. Generally, Stephen and I actually prefer to give the girls dinner earlier than we eat ourselves, but you'll see how our night shakes out and why this isn't necessarily working.

6 PM -- Family time. We've been enjoying fires in the fireplace. And generally hanging together. I'll be fully honest and say that this is the most chaotic time of the day. Ada and Eloise may be fighting. We may be trying to parent and having it not work very well. The baby is typically very cranky during this time. There's sometimes cluster feeding in here. I hate when that happens and may be crying a bit. There are baths in there some nights, too. Basically 6-7 is really hard right now.

7 PM -- Head to bed. We go upstairs with Ada and Eloise. Brush teeth. Read books (Stephen does Eloise, I do Ada with the baby, who is usually screaming). The goal is bedtime by around 7:30.

7:45 PM -- Usually feed Eden YET AGAIN. It drives me absolutely batty. But I know this period is relatively short, so I'm trying to stay cool about it. Right now we're having Eden sleep the first portion of the night in her MamaRoo in the living room while Stephen hangs/sleeps nearby. She had been doing a patter of four hours of sleep, three hours, and then another 2-3 hours. A couple nights ago she did a six-hour stretch! And then a seven-hour stretch the next night! Last night . . . it was a three-hour stretch. Sigh.

8 PM -- I go to bed upstairs. I have trouble sleeping with the baby in our room because of the constant noise. So, I head upstairs and try to get in as much sleep as I can. This is when Stephen and I used to eat dinner and talk. We haven't really had much time for that lately. Hopefully getting into a better nighttime routine within the next month that involves Eden sleeping upstairs in her nursery.

Feeding has generally been around midnight and then 4AM

So, that's the craziness that is life right now over here. Like I said, I crave routine and patterns . . . so the newborn days are hard for me. I'm looking forward to getting more and more into a schedule soon. Do any of you follow anything that works generally well for you? I know it's controversial, but a loose Babywise schedule actually did work well for us with Eloise. It was mostly the Eat, Play, Sleep pattern of it.

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How Things Are Going . . .

Another question I've been getting from people in my real life + people online is how transitioning to life with three kids is going. Well, it's actually quite perfect. I've got everything so under control. So much so, that as I write this very blog post, I just successfully put down Eloise and Eden for simultaneous naps!

Super mom, right?

Wrong.

I have no clue what I'm doing. Of course, we're just two weeks in, so it's not fair for me to call myself a failure yet. I'll say that Stephen's two weeks off haven't been necessarily as dreamy as they sounded on paper. He's had to continue coaching, including meets, and doing grading and other responsibilities. So, I've been sort of trial-by-fire thrown into solo parenting three kids a few times already. And it's scary, guys. I mean, I feel completely out of my element.

It's not that I wasn't expecting a transition. Even a major transition. I expected it. But I suppose I thought maybe I'd magically have a bit more figured out with the newborn stuff fresher in my mind this time around. But that's the thing. I think what's more difficult than having three kids is having a newborn and a spirited toddler. Ada's at school much of the day, so figuring out how to tend to a toddler's needs (diapers, naps, meltdowns, etc.) and a newborn's needs (constant nursing, diapers, fussy times, naps, etc.) . . . it's just --

(((Baby started screaming from her swing nap)))

Ok. Where was I?

Everyone has needs.

And I'm not yet good at meeting them all at once. The best tip you guys shared with me for parenting three kids is to use my baby carrier, like, all the time. I have four baby carriers! A Moby Wrap, Ergo 360, Maya wrap, and Woven wrap. So far, Eden sort of only likes the Ergo with the infant insert if I'm constantly moving (constantly!). But getting her to fall asleep is impossible, so she basically just cries and fusses while I attempt to do things like cook, clean, change diapers, help with homework (not super easy with a carrier IMO).

(((Screaming again -- I give up on the nap despite all the frantic yawning I'm seeing)))

Yeah. So, getting used to a toddler and a newborn is kicking my butt. I am hoping time will help. I am hoping I'll learn some stuff as I go along. I am hoping that she'll start liking the baby carrier. I'm hoping that we can get this naps-in-the-nursery thing down even if she has to sleep in a swing until she's six months old (like Eloise did! Thanks to Precious Little Sleep -- which is a great resource, btw!).

But right now I'm feeling like a master of nothing, so it's humbling. (For example, I have absolutely no idea how I'll return to freelance writing with the current stretching of my energies.) That said, both Eloise and Ada love having a little sister. They both beg to hold and kiss her all the time. In fact, they fight over it, which has been a bit of an issue. I'm just happy that there aren't sore feelings around bringing home another child. Ada's been a bit sensitive and possessive (she's MY baby).

Sorry to not have a more promising outlook to share at this moment.

(((Oh, wait. Maybe Eden is going to nap! How have her screams not woken Eloise?)))

I will say that emotionally I'm feeling good after delivery. I haven't been weepy or depressed or filled with anxiety, which is similar to what I experienced after Eloise (with Ada I did experience some PPD). I'm not feeling overwhelmed despite how it sounds. I just am hoping to figure out some stuff. To find a groove. Any kind of groove will do. But I'm not being too hard on myself. Dinner has been scrambled eggs and toaster waffles. I had a sincere talk with Ada about not having a birthday party this year because it's too much to toss into the equation.

In other words: I'm going easy on myself. We're stepping back from tons of responsibilities as a family and trying to have a quiet holiday + winter season. We're giving our family some grace. Maybe next time when I write about being a family of five, I'll have some words of wisdom to share.

Until then -- do YOU have any advice for me?

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Catching Up

I basically took the last month completely off from writing -- had you noticed? I was trying to rest up as much as possible before today. The start of school. The start of true cross-country season (it's been going on with practices for the last month). The final countdown in my pregnancy (I'm 32.5 weeks!). It's all a little overwhelming. But I used the time wisely. I worked a lot this summer (freelance-wise AND with nesting projects). It feels good, but I'd be lying if I told you I'm happy to be back in the normal swing of things.

Here's what's up -- with a dose of cuteness from when Eloise was just five days old.

School

Ada starts first grade today. She's incredibly excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I don't blame her because I'm notoriously anxious with good and bad energy during big transitions. She enjoys being home in the summers and getting down time, but I think she's going to love being back in a routine with her friends. I'm having some feelings this year because usually I try to help out in the school a bit and pop in from time to time, but I am not sure how that will work with a new baby and a toddler. I suppose we'll see!

I may have already mentioned that Eloise is starting "school" this year as well. I have enrolled her in a program that meets two mornings each week for 2.5 hours each morning. It's more for me than her, obviously. But I do hope she gains some feelings of comfort being out and about with other adults and kids. She starts next Tuesday. I didn't send Ada to preschool until she was closer to three, so I'm really hoping for a smooth transition. Again, I guess we'll see what happens.

Pregnancy

I think I'm in denial that I'm this far along already. This pregnancy actually went by quite quickly for me, in a start contrast to the extreme anxiety that plagued my pregnancy with Eloise. With her, every second seemed to just tick by so slowly. This time around, I haven't had any complaints physically until more recently. And those are only the "normal" third trimester woes. I've been incredibly fortunate in that regard . . . and I feel like it's a very good note to leave my childbearing years on. That said, I have started getting a bit nervous for birth. Both how it will happen/when it will happen and the actual physical act.

I have a doctor appointment on Friday complete with an ultrasound. Questions I have regard delayed cord clamping (something I've never specifically requested, but I think maybe has been done automatically by my midwives in the past) and timing for when to come in during labor (because my water broke first last time and I have this fear of not recognizing I'm having contractions until it's too late). I keep hearing that third babies are total wildcards, so while I want to believe this baby will arrive neatly like her sisters early in the 38th week, I'm trying to prepare myself for anything.

Work

Freelancing is winding down for me and I have lots of mixed feelings about it. I'm trying to lighten the load in preparation for the baby . . . but I actually like working and I always fear that taking time off will mean I lose jobs or can't find work when I'm ready. In the past, I really lucked into my gigs. As I've become more entrenched as a mom versus a freelancer, my connections have somewhat faded. And my professional mojo is definitely not what it used to be. Right now I'm not sure how I envision working with having three kids and little childcare. In my head, I can see being back at writing very lightly once the baby is three months old . . . ramping up to more "normal" levels when Stephen is home for the summer.

Do any of you work similar gigs? I used to try to make early mornings and nap times work, but I am seeing that that's definitely not going to fly when I have two little ones with different nap schedules and breastfeeding -- as well as a school-aged kid who needs me during the early mornings and late afternoons. I imagine I'll have to make blocks of time for work when Stephen is home and I can physically get out of the house. This is, of course, provided work is still available when I'm ready to return.

Simplification

I dropped my microblogging, and I am hoping to return back to that series now. My goal is to write twice a week. Bonus points if I get to it more often, but no pressure if not. We left off with simple cleaning tricks and how I was possibly considering hiring someone to come once a month to help out. I've dropped that idea because preschool costs money and, well, there's only so much money. What's actually really simplified my cleaning process and made a huge difference at this stage isn't the most eco-friendly thing in the world. But I bought a huge pack of Seventh Generation Disinfecting Wipes. I just go around the house attacking everything with those. It's so easy and everything is so clean.

I don't necessarily want to continue using disposable wipes forever, but right now it's what I need to get a handle on things. Otherwise, we've organized things so well (and it's taken SO long) that I can get the entire house tidy AND clean in about an hour. This may be longer or shorter than it takes you, but it's liberating. Before, just getting all the clutter in some random holding place (usually laundry baskets stashed in the 4th bedroom) took forever. Then I never quite got to the cleaning.

Another random bit of information is that I did all the Christmas shopping for the girls in August this year. My family thinks I'm a bit crazy, but it feels good to have that out of the way.

What's Up Next?

Alright! Thanks for catching up with me. I'll return back to the simplify series again soon. If you have anything you'd like me to cover sooner rather than later, let me know. A few of you requested hearing about our back-to-school routine and how we manage all that. So, I think that's what I'll cover next. Otherwise, I need to power through the rest of the week, power through the first long XC meet on Saturday, and keep on with my to-do list to prepare for Baby E!

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Life Update

Wow. Hello. I did not intend to take such a long break. But, well, life! I don't feel like going into intimate details, but I'll just say that I've had some health issues in the past couple weeks. They sound relatively mild, but I have been surprised how much they've impacted me.

(OK. Totally random photo I found the other day. Love it.)

Basically, I started out getting a bad impaction of wax in my ear. I got it flushed by the doctor. But that led to a middle ear infection. I have quite a history of ear infections, so this sort of always happens. And then that led to an outer ear infection -- the worst I've ever had. And even after antibiotics and ear drops, I'm still not entirely better. It's been a lot of pain, difficulty sleeping, and -- if I'm being honest -- madness. Not being able to hear out of an ear for over a week (going on two weeks) . . . and the feeling of fullness and pressure and PAIN. It's just something I'm ready to leave behind. But as I was getting better . . . I feel like I'm back-sliding a bit. I may need to go back to the doctor yet again.

Anyway. I'm sitting here watching snowflakes fall outside my living room window.

Ada and Stephen have a 2-hour delay from school this morning.

And I'm beyond ready for winter to be over.

We had a few days of warmth last month when I thought "this is it -- we're headed toward spring!" My mood changed. I was able to walk outside and feel the sun on my cheeks. If you live in a cold and cloudy climate, you know that this feeling is everything. Then -- poof. We have descended into the depths yet again with no respite in sight.

There's nothing new there, though. It happens every year. I swear "spring" never truly arrives until May. Heck, I think I remember seeing snowflakes a week before my college graduation. My bother just moved to North Carolina, and I think he's probably the smartest person in our family. While I do like where we live, it's a huge struggle half the year to feel human. It starts all hygge and cozy with the promise of crackling fires and hot cocoa. But then the days just drag until we inevitably get SUMMER. There's really no in-between. Thank goodness for the time change, however. The daylight does help.

The last big change is that track season started. It's a big adjustment for our family. But I feel more prepared than I have in past years. We're in a better groove. I have ideas of how we'll spend those long Saturdays. Something I always struggle with during coaching seasons is spending too much money. So, I'm hoping to keep myself accountable by sharing some ways I'm being frugal. I've been attempting to buy nothing new this year. I don't think I could buy NOTHING. It's very difficult with kids to buy absolutely nothing. But I'm excited to share my progress.

Oh! We have three Aldi stores in my area. The one farthest away has been renovated for quite some time, but I never find myself up in that direction. But they just renovated my usual spot. And it's glorious! I was thinking about trying to snap some photos to give you guys a tour. Any interest in that? I love it! I think they are carrying more products now, too. I wasn't feeling well the last time I went there, so I wasn't paying close attention . . . but some people have said that when the Aldi gets a facelift, the prices go up. Any thoughts there?

Today I just wanted to say HELLO. I should be back at semi-regular blogging. I may try to do those mini blogs again to share brief snippets of what's going on in my life these days. Actually quite a bit to share about. I just hope I can continue to heal and build back my energy.

Happy Tuesday!

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6 Foods That Make My Life Easier

I still love Aldi, but there are several foods that I've had to shop elsewhere for recently. Eloise has been a picky eater since, well, forever. But it was especially bad in the last four months. She would literally not eat anything. In retrospect, I do think a lot of it has to do with the fact that she has 16 teeth when many of her peers have far fewer. Poor girl has probably been in pain for a long while.

That said, I have slowly found some things she loves to eat. As much as I'd like to say they're all whole foods, I have also had to rely on a few "products" if you will. But I'll get to those in a minute. Let's just jump in . . . and I'd love to hear your make-life-easier food suggestions.

I've included Amazon links so you can check out more reviews, ingredients, and just more general info. Always price-compare, as I've found that grocery of Amazon can either be good deals or AWFUL.

JUST. Mayo

There are a variety of flavors of this mayo. Stephen and I are addicted to chipotle mayos of various brands. The just. chipotle mayo is consistently the least expensive and gets high marks on taste. It's also vegan -- at least I know that several varieties of it are. Another favorite is the sriracha. We put it on veggie burgers, use it as dip for fries, and as a spread for sandwiches.

Don Pepino Pizza Sauce

Our family absolutely loves Don Pepino's pizza sauce. Stephen it biased, since it's made in NJ. It's slightly more expensive than some store brand sauces I buy, but the texture and flavor make it worth it in my opinion (especially since homemade pizza costs so much less than takeout). I know I included the Amazon link, but I highly recommend checking your bulk stores for this brand as well. I once found GIGANTIC tins of it at Sam's that I then divided into smaller portions and froze.

Mueslix, etc.

I don't necessarily endorse this brand of muesli over another (there are SO MANY). I'm just addicted to the stuff. I have a thing for cereal and I feel like this is healthier than other varieties I enjoy. I used to make my own muesli, but these days I haven't made time for it. Hoping to get back into that mode at the start of the new year, though.

Stonyfield Whole Milk Yogurt

Here's one of those foods that Eloise will eat without fail almost every day. So, we have had this issue where she doesn't want to drink milk since her first birthday. Not that she necessarily HAS to drink milk, but I think it's a good source of calcium and protein in a vegetarian diet. Anyway, we're working on the drinking milk thing. In the meantime, she's been eating this yogurt and having cheese sticks. I've made my own yogurt in the past (and love it!), but she digs this flavor.

Kodiak Cakes

And this is often Eloise's lunch. I know, I know. I mean, it's protein waffles. Sort of strange to push on a toddler. But she likes muffin texture, and I like that Kodiak Cakes has added protein and it's fast. It also comes in fun flavors -- of which we like chocolate and peanut butter best. Have you guys tried this stuff? I want to get plain buttermilk next.


Bob's Red Mill Soup Mixes

These dry soup mixes have been A LIFESAVER and have massively improved our slow cooking dinners. We got into a soup and chili rut, so I decided to branch out one day and buy a few different varieties. Anyway, this one is my favorite. The prices on these guys on Amazon aren't good, so I include the link only for reference, ingredients, and such.

You must try this recipe on the back of the bag, by the way.


And if you DO plan to try it, I recommend adding a can of coconut milk in place of two cups of water and added a heaping tablespoon of miso to the mix. I like adding the gourmet mix of mushrooms I get at Wegmans and plenty of fresh ginger.

Related:

Expanding Our Homemade Pantry
Homemade Almond Milk
Our Go-To Pizza Dough
Homemade Ciabatta Bread
Homemade Muesli
Adventures in Cereal-Making
Homemade Bagels
White + Whole Wheat No Knead Loaf
Three Seed Crackers
Homemade Flax Crackers
Homemade Pancake/Waffle Mix
Awesome Couscous Crackers
My Favorite Hummus
Stephen’s Homemade Pickles
Homemade Applesauce
Red Curry Kimchi

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10-Year Rewind // Before the Blog

You know how everyone always asks what’s in your 5-year or 10-year plans? Do you ever know how to answer that question? I definitely felt like I was super goal-oriented and ambitious 10 years ago. I’d daydream about what direction my career would take, where my personal life would meander, and when kids might enter the equation. I thought it’d be fun instead of projecting what my next 10 years might look like . . . to take a step back and examine myself 10 years ago. When I was 24.

Stephen and I were married a couple months after I turned 24 (he was 23! We were BABIES!).

We lived together in a 2-bedroom apartment on the outskirts of Ithaca, NY, at the time. Scully (R.I.P.) lived with us, and I took a lot of photos of her back then. It was in this apartment that I really started cooking and baking up a storm. I started my first blog (Method) here, and I’m pretty sure this photo is from some pumpkin muffins I posted.


I used to love how the sunlight would stream into our kitchen from the sliding doors leading out to the tiny balcony. I think we MAY have been able to see a sliver of Cayuga lake from this spot. Oh, by this point, I had lived in a whopping 10 different houses/apartments in my life.

Scully had already lived in five, so that shows you exactly how much I had moved in the three years since college graduation (I adopted Scully a few weeks after graduating in 2005).



Stephen and I were big into running shorter distance races back then. I think we mostly did 10Ks, but we’d do long runs like up to 8 miles. Our apartment was in a hilly area with mostly country highways, so I didn’t like going much farther than that. It was a good area for biking, though, which is why you see those bikes on our balcony. We’d go for hours-long rides and look at the lake.

We especially liked trekking to a nearby park that had a lighthouse.


We also did a lot of kayaking. I don’t remember what it’s like to have so much free time!


So, when I was 24, I was working at a software company in the marketing department. I absolutely loved the people I worked with. In fact, I’m still very close friends with a few of them.

LOL. Sorry, guys. I love this photo.



Professionally, though, I was sort of a mess. I was in over my head trying to go from a communications person to a marketing manager. I had no idea what I was doing half the time. I was traveling often for work (which really stressed me out).

Here’s a photo from a campus visit where I helped film our products in action.


Anyway, it got to be too much. Around 10 years ago I did make the decision to leave that job and pursue a different path. I first left and started working as a professional writing tutor at a community college. I won’t go into my career progression (I covered it in a video, if you’re interested). But that was a big transition for me in 2007/8.

What else? I was getting really into photography. I bought my first DSLR and would take long walks just to find photo opportunities. I learned a lot through trial and error.


I was also in community orchestra.


We had moved to downtown Ithaca at some point during that year because we were unhappy in the country. But that ended up not working out either because Stephen was commuting to his first teaching job, and it was killer for him. So, one of the biggest changes that year was the big move from Ithaca about an hour away. It was still close, but we knew nobody, so intimidating and somewhat a mixed bag of emotions.

Also: Moving multiple times in a year SUCKS.


We bought our first house, so you can see that this meant I had moved from house/apartment 10 earlier to 11 and then 12. Phew. But it was cool to dig in and do some DIY home stuff.

Like ripping up #allthecarpet


Wow does style change. This was a mood board I had made for the living room plan at the new house.

Holy orange and blue!


I was super into mid-century style.


And this was our bedroom. I was so proud of it back then!


And then some short while after we moved in, we adopted Rivey.


And then at some point, I started working at the university library. This was my usual style there. I always wore scarves, too. For some reason, I have this photo titled “zero-dollar outfit” -- so I was into frugal fashion even 10 years ago!


I also started (never)homemaker around the same time in my small, carpeted kitchen. A few of you have been following me since then. Wow. Thank you. Can you believe this is 10 years ago?!?!?!


What a blast from the past. Thanks for reading if you got this far. I am hoping to put up my gift ideas for kids post soon!

What were you doing 10 years ago?

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Catching Up

What’s happening, friends? I realize it’s been a while since I updated you guys on what’s going on in our lives. So, today’s post will be pretty informal and a way of catching up.  I’m hoping to get back into a more regular blogging rhythm again (2-3 times a week) now that cross country season is nearly over. Anyway, here are some questions I’ve received over the last month and some other general updates.

Life’s been a blur (much like this photo), but things are good.

// Finances

By far, the most requested info revolves around our budget and paying off debt plan. I wish I had better progress to report. Unfortunately, between a new water heater and 4-digit furnace repair, we haven’t had a lot of room to move around funds and aggressively go after our bills. We are keeping up with all our normal payments and will contribute more when we can.

It does feel good to have steady paychecks coming in again. Stephen decided to get his salary distributed over the course of the whole year this year versus the 10-months we had done previously. This will hopefully help as we budget so the summer doesn’t shock us so much.

I am still chugging away with freelance work, but I haven’t returned to pre-Eloise levels. I write between 8-10 articles a month right now. I’m hoping to get back to doing 12. When Ada was in preschool and I was home alone a few hours a day, I was doing more like 24 a month and blogging. The main issue is time. I’ve always relied on early mornings and naps to work -- but with two kids, that time isn’t often there like it used to be.

I think WAHM stuff is material for another post!

// Eloise

Our littlest member of the family is nearly 17 months old! Crazy. She runs all over the house, climbs everything in her path, and is putting short sentences together. Her favorite is “I did this”. She likes Curious George and Daniel Tiger, but doesn’t sit still to watch TV more than two minutes, much to my dismay (Ada was a little zombie).

In the last month, we’ve started regularly going to several toddler activities, including a weekly toddler rock concert, library group, discovery center (I have some photos/videos on my Instagram stories today), and I’d like to start going to a mommy + me gymnastics class when she turns 18 months old.

Our biggest struggle has continued to be food. I plan to write more about this. But to other mamas out there -- it’s not your fault if your kids don’t eat. Ada was a relatively good eater. I’ve taken the same approach of variety and such with Eloise, and she simply doesn’t eat. I’m going to be checking with her doctor about getting her levels checked again for iron deficiency (they were fine at the 1-year appointment, but it’s worth a look). She’s still a petite little thing, but she is fine with all her milestones and seems healthy and happy otherwise.

// Ada

Sweet Ada will turn six next week. Please make it stop. I am continually grateful that we were able to delay kindergarden through our district and start her this year. Last year’s early K was such an amazing opportunity for her to be in school at a slower pace. She’s doing extremely well with academics and friends and loves school.

Ada’s still in gymnastics and this year we also signed her up for a choir that meets once a week. Being a mom of a school-aged kid is certainly different. It can be overwhelming at times and there are always new issues we confront or curiosities Ada has. It’s hard to get into in brief. But I think we’re doing a great job so far.

We’re having a birthday party for Ada this coming weekend. It’s cat-themed, much like her first birthday. She has so many friends and always wants to be hanging out. Completely different from my personality! I love seeing the person she’s turning into outside of me and our home. It’s a special time, that’s for sure. Ada’s also an amazing big sister and really watches out for Eloise. I’ve enjoyed watching their relationship develop as Eloise has transformed from motionless blob to active toddler.

// TTC

I mentioned on Instagram that we tried for number three last month. It didn’t work out, and we’re not sure when we’ll try again or if we will. Basically, last month would have been good timing, so we went for it. But then due dates get into XC season for several months, which is something I’d like to avoid (but I don’t take fertility for granted, so who knows). Trying brought back a lot of emotions and thoughts that I hadn’t expected. While this was just the first month (and -- please don’t think I’m freaking out about not getting pregnant right away. I TOTALLY didn’t expect to!), I felt the weight of our previous infertility issues and multiple losses.

I don’t know how much more I’ll share about this journey, but I just wanted to put it out there. I wish TTC wasn’t this huge thing. That I could approach it without such thought or simply not think about it. I was at a children’s museum this morning and a group of friends all seemed to be pregnant with their third child and each had two kids that were very close in age as well. I heard them all talking about having their kids a year apart, 15 months apart, two years apart. It wasn’t their fault at all, but I felt isolated hearing them all chat about the relative ease of having kids back-to-back.

It also made me feel like maybe we aren’t ready to take the plunge. Their kids were running all over the place in different directions . . . and it looked e.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.n.g -- LOL. I mean, there’s a reason we waited until Ada was 2.5 to start trying for a second. There are definite advantages of Ada being in school and being home with Eloise alone most of the time. Interestingly enough, I get mistaken for a first-time mom a lot of the time.

// Life

Anyway, life is good. There’s probably a ton I’ve left out. I am trying to take more photos with my DSLR lately. I used to do photography for friends and friends of friends, but I doubt I’d do it again. Still, my skills have atrophied quite a bit, so I’d love to be a good self-taught family photo-taker.

On that note:


Thanks for reading!

I am hoping to get two more posts up this week. One is our winter bucket list and the other is my holiday gift ideas for kids. I have some creative ideas for small budgets this year. Our furnace repairs really dug into any money we had for gifts. Ah, life just costs money at every turn. We are still blessed with so many other things, though. Perspective is key.

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Friday Vulnerability

I mentioned in my day-in-the-life post that I’m feeling spent. Still, I was called to write today by something inside of me. I don’t know what. I don’t have a plan or some SEO-savvy topic. I have a lot of thoughts racing around in my mind, actually. I was texting back and forth with one of my best friends yesterday about this ever-present pull I feel in my life. I say pull, but it sometimes feels as though I’m being torn apart with all my different goals, desires, and callings.

Can you relate?

My mom had mentioned to me around when I turned thirty that her 30s were a decade of feeling like she never was doing the right thing. Like if she did one thing, it wasn’t was she really should be doing. If she did another thing, she felt that, too, wasn’t “right”. Now that I’m 34, these last few years have had me exactly in that spot . . . many times. My twenties felt like they were for figuring out my place in life. So,  naturally, by my thirties I should have it all figured out.

Nope.

Allow me to get uncomfortably vulnerable for a few minutes.

For example, I crave a simple life. I’ve written about it many times. Sometimes I don’t even know what this means on an intellectual level. It’s a feeling. I feel it deep in my chest as I type this out. Like my entire being is screaming for everything to stop already. To calm. For the world to fade away and let me focus for a minute . . .  or maybe a year. Ah, what a divine gift that would be.

Wrapped up in this, too, is a desire for a clearer sense of purpose. I mentioned that I often feel my attention is split between being a mother, a writer, a wife, a daughter, etc. We all play many roles in our lives. I want to be all these things. Of all, being a mother fills me with the most sense of gratitude and accomplishment. Yet part of me feels like that’s somehow backwards and like I should be doing more with my life.

To continue on this theme, I dream of a life without the distractions of modern living. I try to get at this heart of this by striving to create less waste. To avoid buying extras and accumulating clutter. To keep the rhythm of our home calm and steady. To use my phone and other electronics less. To have my kids shun the television and to spend more time face to face or in nature or just doing “real” things.

But here’s where the pulling happens:

While I want the calm, life isn’t calm. I can’t figure out if it’s just one of those chicken/egg situations. We easily get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and responsibilities. Things need to get done. Slowing down often doesn’t work. Or I cannot figure it out. Instead of that inner peace I desire, I feel like I’m chugging caffeine to keep things going for the sake of the family. I often feel like simplicity is merely a myth. Or perhaps a luxury.

I feel like I do not have the time or energy to focus my efforts and be 100% in the important roles I must fill. Instead, I’m scrambling to fill them the best I can . . . and dutifully do as much as I can. At the end of the day, I can feel such little accomplishment despite doing so much because I haven’t necessarily done my “best,” if that makes sense. And I often feel this outside judgment -- whether real or imagined -- that I am failing. That I’m not doing enough or that somehow what I’m choosing to do with my life isn’t enough.

With regard to turning away from distraction . . . it’s an on-again, off-again process. While I would love to turn my back on society and its trappings, I also desire to be connected and -- yes -- to have nice things. We all know that things can fill voids, even though I have tried my hardest to reprogram my mind against that way of thinking/feeling. On some level, I also desire to relate to my peers, which sometimes means getting off track from my goals of simple living. I still care what others think of me, maybe too much.

Takeaway

Obviously I have some soul-searching to do. (And Eloise is already waking from her nap that was a whopping 20 minutes in length.) I may just need to let go and surrender to something that has the potential to feel scary at first. Big lifestyle changes are like that. I have dipped my toes in the waters with the repaying debt reflections. There’s this huge shift that needs to happen, like a whole way-of-life shift. I want it to happen, but I still don’t know what that life looks like in its entirety.

It’s going to require taking a deep breath and jumping in. It’s going to require agreement and participation from the whole family. Even if that means figuring out what life on the other side looks like along the way. I don’t know if I’m making any sense. I know that much of what I desire out of life is connected in some way. It all goes back to simplicity and calm. There’s this pressure weighing down with each passing day that somehow I am wasting time figuring this out. While I’m by no means old . . . I fear the longer it takes to feel this inner sense of calm, the more of my life I’m not spending fully plugged in.

There are days when I think of hanging up my blogging hat so I can spend more time learning versus writing. I am trying to find a good mix between the two. Do you have any suggestions for bloggers or books or other things that have helped you navigate these deep thoughts/questions in life? I’d love to hear what’s helped you along your own path.

So, there are some thoughts for your rainy Friday. I’m a work in progress, as always.

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On Influences

Yesterday I had the pleasure of joining Ada's early kindergarten class on their field trip to the local zoo. After six weeks of almost steady rain showers, the weather has finally cleared and warmed up. I got there a bit late to accommodate Eloise's morning nap and -- after a short jog through half the park -- I finally met up with the kids at the bear exhibit.

Ada greeted me with a squeal and immediately rushed to kiss her baby sister. ("Hey, everyone! Look -- it's MY baby!") What struck me as we walked along the path gawking at peacocks, foxes, and pandas (zoos are weird for me) is that Ada's not just mine anymore. She'd often reach for the class aide's hand to show her something before looking in my direction. She'd eagerly call for her teacher to watch her to do gymnastics move on the playground after lunch as if I didn't exist. She'd even lock arms with her best friends, calling them by cute nicknames and sharing what seemed like budding personal jokes.

My first inclination was to feel slighted. After all, I had just rushed way across town only to sprint up a quarter mile hill pushing a jogging stroller (while wearing a dress!) to spend time with her. She should be looking at me, me, ME.

But I stopped myself sort of that emotion. Truth is, there are many people who are shaping the sweet girl that Ada is becoming. Long gone are those isolated infant days where it was just me . . . and her . . . for hours on end, week after week. I think back to those days often, as I'm currently in that stage with Eloise. It's hard. There's part of me that yearns to be outside this bubble. To drop my tiny one off at preschool and get some much-needed me-time. But this time is actually quite precious in how fleeting it is. I definitely see that now.

From here on out, the influences on Ada's life will only grow bigger in importance. They will help direct her interests and mold her into the woman she will one day become. They will have the power to encourage or even crush her. Stephen and I are definitely top of the list of these people -- there's no denying that. But they'll ever-increasingly be very close seconds.

**********

I got to thinking about influences today when I stumbled upon a news report that my chorus director from grades 5 through 12 has retired this year. I've mentioned on the blog that singing, festivals, and shows were a large part of my childhood. Mrs. Smithgall was always at the center of those performances and excursions. We pecked out notes and practiced rhythms to prepare for so many different concerts.

But it was, of course, more than just that. Singing taught me discipline. Performing gave me confidence. Auditioning for things humbled me. These things still carry me through life all these years later, though now I mostly sing along with my Hamilton CD in the car.

Add to this list my favorite English teacher. She's also retiring this year. I credit Mrs. Higham with more than simply sparking my love for writing. I'll be honest, she terrified me the first year I had her. Before stepping foot into her classroom, I had never really taken my studies seriously. Something compelled me to try honors English. But I would often not read our assigned chapters. I'd expend little effort on assignments. And my teacher would not stand for that sort of nonsense.

Quickly, I cleaned up my act . . . and it carried through to the rest of my classes, too. I went from getting like a 3.2 GPA to a 4.0. I learned that writing was more than some evil punishment. Essays can actually be fun to write. Words are art as much as paintings are photographs are. And -- yup -- I decided to study it in college and make a career of it.

**********

Then I think of Stephen. As a high school English teacher and coach for both cross country and track, he's an influence on far more lives than just the ones in our family. I don't necessarily give him that credit -- at least not like I should. We all influence people in our own ways. It's a difficult job. It sometimes requires long hours. Heck -- it's even a job we often don't realize we're doing if we haven't formalized it with a title.

I could go on, but I'll end my musings here. As I watched the footage of Mrs. Smithgall's last concert, I actually found myself feeling a bit sappy. I remembered the song the kids were singing in the finale quite well -- the "Rhythm of Life". Life surely has a rhythm of sorts, right? It's more than just a clever lyric. Our life's rhythm changes as we age. It picks up pace at times. It has wild crescendos at others. And it's definitely punctuated by the people we surround ourselves with. Take some time today, if you will, to listen back to your own mental track and pick out a few of those beats that have changed you.

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My Real Life + Being Happy

I've been blogging for ten years now. I mean, that's sort of incredible if you think about it. That's about a third of my life I've shared online. Blogging is a funny thing, as I'm sure you've gathered throughout the years. There are many aspects of it that I absolutely love. There's this awesome online community of people -- women, mostly -- and I've benefited greatly from the connections I've made with other bloggers and readers across the country and beyond.

But then there's this tricky side to it. The comparison trap. The constant feeling of being behind. Of wanting what other people have. I never felt this way in the beginning. My first "blog" was a Livejournal just for my friends to read while I was in college. To me, writing online has never been about projecting an image of myself. It's been all about sharing in the best way I can as an introvert. I can type out and "say" so much more on the computer than I might in a conversation (though that has certainly changed over the years).

And it was about sharing (and still is!) when I started neverhomemaker. Then something shifted in the blog world. I don't really know when it happened. I feel like it was the year I had Ada, back around 2011/2012. I feel like I looked around one day, and what once was a place of sharing recipes and thoughts and somewhat poorly lit photos became a competition. Who had the BEST recipe with the BEST photos? Who lived in the most interesting ZIP code or had the cutest kids? Who spent their weekends doing the most interesting things and who was able to cultivate the most put-together image? Whose stuff was getting Pinned or otherwise shared the most?

I may be alone in seeing the online world in this way. Or maybe I'm not. But my own internalization of it started to weigh me down. To make me feel less-than. There were days I wanted to try my hand at the competition. Thing is, I don't live anywhere all that interesting. We don't make a lot of money. I don't have time to spend anymore rigging up impressive photo-shoots of my food or house or anything. Many of my close friends don't live near us, so we don't do a ton of socializing. We go on one vacation most years.

The list of how my life isn't "blog-worthy" goes on.

I'd keep looking at life as a work-at-home mom through an Instagram lens and feel like I was coming up short. I look at blogs that didn't exist way back when neverhomemaker was at its peak of "popularity" and they've become HUGE. Like massive giants. Kudos to the people who write them -- really, I'm impressed -- but it all seems so exhausting to try to stay on top of the trends, to project an image of perfection, etc. Yet to many, it seems this pursuit is effortless. And maybe it is. But that's where I've gotten lost with the whole thing.

See, I have slowly started caring less and less about my relevancy in the online world. And in general. You don't have to be a blogger to feel the way I'm feeling. Projection of perfection is everywhere. It's stressful. Anyway, long-time readers may have noticed I stopped blogging as frequently in recent years. I un-followed a number of certain big bloggers who, well, trigger my feelings of inadequacy. I un-followed Facebook friends who bugged me. And now I've basically quit Facebook. It's all been a transformative experience.

I'm just a real woman in her early thirties who has two kids and a real, physical life to lead. I have two amazing daughters to bring up who don't care about pageviews or followers. Who don't really care if they are wearing twee outfits or engaging in the latest Pinterest trend activities. I don't care about seeming cool to my real life friends on social media. What's most important in my life right now is that my girls need a loving mama. Full stop.

Truth is, I used to care about making my life, my home, my activities seem more exciting than they really are. It's like a switch flipped, because . . . I just don't anymore. I'm quite happy with my life. My real life. And the people who are actually in my real life don't care about any of this nonsense. Sure, I dream of living near the ocean or of having an impeccably clean home or having enough money to buy all organic ingredients for carefully crafted cookbook dinners each and every night.

Who doesn't on some level?

The difference now is that I have stopped trying to pretend for others. I often joke with Stephen and sing the line from Hamilton that goes "We don't need a legacy . . . we don't need money . . ." because that's how I feel. We are living comfortably in a suburb to nowhere important in a home that is plenty big enough for us. We have food on the table, often from Aldi, often the same meals on repeat for several weeks at a time to save money. Ada goes to a wonderful school. We have a beautiful baby who is growing leaps and bounds. I am able to use my college degree to work from home. Stephen may have a teacher's salary, but he has his summers off.

There's a lot to love here, even if we aren't jetting off on vacations all the time or keeping up with the Joneses in other ways. And there are so very many ways to keep up these days, from the clothes we wear to the fitness boutiques we attend. (BTW: Have you seen the movie? I've got a major crush on David Duchovny. It's a good watch. Makes me think of blogging! Also -- what does it mean if you live in an area that doesn't even have fancy fitness boutiques? )

Where did these musings come from? A friend of mine recently shared an article she had found online about wanting to live a mediocre life. The author of the article asks "what if all I want is a small, slow, simple life?" And this whole thing has resonated with me. Blogging and living online in any way, shape, or form (blogger or not!) for so long has a way of skewing the importance of things in life. In the end, all that matters is finding joy and fulfillment in the things you do. In the people you're around. On the path you follow in your real life.

And I could be enough,
And we could be enough,
That would be enough...

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Life Lately + Marathon Thoughts

Wow. When will Ashley stop posting snow photos all over social media? Uh. Never, guys. I haven't seen this much snow since the blizzard of 1993 when my hometown got more than three feet. The "official" total where we live is 36" by a trained NOAA spotter. I didn't measure quite that much, but I looked up the spotter's latitude and longitutde to find his location, and he's on a hill about a quarter mile from my house. Who knows!

If you don't follow me on Instagram, here's a photo-dump:

// Weight Watchers

I'm back on Weight Watchers strong today. (If you missed it, here are my thoughts on doing it for one month + how much weight I lost.) I never quit, I just got really lazy about it. Part of that is because I've been upping my mileage for marathon training (I'll get to that more below). I've been hungry, and it's hard balancing out how many points I should eat when I'm running more. Does anyone have any advice on that?

Still, I've noticed after being stuck inside that my bad habits have returned. I ate SO MUCH puppy chow. I drank bourbon hot cocoas by and outdoor fire. I have emotional eating issues. I eat when I'm stressed and bored. I eat while watching TV at night. I don't portion out my foods. These are all habits I need to work on if I want to reach my goals and if I just want to maintain a healthier relationship with food.

// Marathon Thoughts

Yes. I'm running a marathon. No, I'm not running a marathon race. Confused?! Don't be. My training buddy and I had a revelation. Let's train for the distance but SCREW the race. We both hate all the logistics. The hundreds of dollars. The getting up early. The stress of if the weather is dreadful on race day. You know, all of the stress. The people. Etc.

We have decided instead to map out our own course and + complete it this spring/summer.

We are still following this plan by Hal Higdon. We are on week 8, but the snow has definitely derailed some workouts. We actually have already mapped out a pretty solid route that will stop by enough places to get water, have bathrooms, and even celebrate along the way. I am excited to share that adventure with you guys when it happens. We are thinking June will likely be the time, but that could change.

I know I've written about it in the past, but I'm a runner. I rarely wear a watch. I am not in it for the racing. For the cheering sections. For the gear. For the metals. For the PRs. I don't care about all that stuff. I haven't since having Ada, it seems. I like moving. I like the meditation. The thinking time. And lately I've really enjoyed the friendship and fun of just being active with someone and talking.

// Track Season

Stephen's spring track season started last week. I heard another spouse refer to herself as a "track widow" at one point. I mean no disrespect to actual widows, but I do understand the sentiment she was expressing. He's just . . . gone a lot. During the week it isn't terrible until the meets start up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. But then on top of that it's every Saturday. Many times the days are like 12-hour days.

Perspective: I know people have it far worse. It's just a big change. I don't like changes when we're in a good routine.

I'm looking forward to the weather getting nicer because I plan to take the girls to parks, playdates, and other things to keep us all occupied. It's hard without family in the area. It'd be nice to just have dinner at the grandparents' house, go play with cousins (Ada and Eloise have no first cousins anyway), or get some babysitting every now and again -- whatever. I am thinking for next year (Eloise is still so small) that I may need to investigate an actual babysitter to help out even just with one night a week.

// Dump Meals

I am OBSESSED with these freezer dump meals, you guys. I wrote about this whole thing when I last shared about monthly meal planning and food buying. Would you like a post on this? The whole thing involves looking up a good recipe. Then you need to modify it slightly so it will work and fit inside a gallon freezer bag. Then you chop and dump in all the ingredients. You freeze it. And then you thaw it and cook the day you're planning to eat it.

So far, I like it so much better than cooking ahead and then freezing. I feel like the food comes out fresher. Tonight we are having a chickpea curry -- OMG IT SMELLS AMAZING -- and I'm going to make some 5-minute Naan for the side. If you haven't checked out that naan recipe yet -- please do. I have made all sorts of naans, but this recipe is SO fast and SO easy and SO delicious.

Happy Thursday!

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Catching Up (AKA Random Post)

Having more than one kid is no joke! When one finishes nursing and falling asleep (finally not on my chest -- success), the other needs some overdue cuddle and coloring time. (Or maybe I'm the one who needs that time with the other kid. But that's another post entirely.) Then there are some dishes and loads of laundry, meals and other obligations. And the 2-3 hour cycle starts all over again.

We're making time for fun, too. The summer is speeding by, and we're trying to soak in as much as possible before school and work routines start again. I mean, it's July already. Eloise is three weeks old tomorrow. Pinch me!

I'm trying to figure out in what direction I want the blog to go. At the present moment, I haven't been cooking much besides our Hello Fresh meals each week or assembling sandwiches. I'm hoping to get back to it more because cooking is a huge stress reliever for me. Specifically, I want to create a bunch of grab-and-go kinds of recipes. Truth: I've been struggling to not eat a bunch of crap when I'm nursing. I also want to eat #allthefood -- I just need it not to be chips and cookies. Thanks, 4th of July.

Ada is signed up for several camps this summer. The first is a vacation bible school where there's a cave theme. They do all sorts of activities, including this awesome inflatable water slide. We hear about the slide daily because the preschool (at the same church) had pulled it out for a wet and wild last day of school event. The other two are through the school system. Kindergarten readiness stuff, arts + crafts, field trips (on a BUS!), and etc. I can't believe my kid is at the age where she can go to camps.

Otherwise, summer means Stephen is home from school full days until cross country practice starts. He also has a coaching night class he needs to take for about a month. We didn't know about it until, well, last week. Please send good vibes because it's during the witching hours! I joke, I joke. But as I've written before, we didn't plan the timing of this pregnancy. Still, it's worked out nicely to have everyone home, even if no paychecks are coming in.

Did I mention that our AC died? A couple days after Eloise was born. I may have mentioned it already because I thought it was funny (in a sick way) since our furnace died shortly after Ada was born. I guess babies and HVAC stuff doesn't mix in our household. We reluctantly bought a new unit using a finance plan (I need to get back into writing more about budget stuff -- yay or nay?) -- but I think it was the best decision. The temps will be in the mid 90s here all week. Once you have central air, you just can't go back apparently. (I didn't grow up with such luxuries! Ceiling fans #FTW)

And last on this catching up post is our 4th of July weekend. I'm amazed at how much we've been able to do out and about with Eloise. With Ada, I sat on the couch for what felt like months in the cold and darkness of winter. My in-laws were here for the weekend, so we did a lot of cooking out and just hanging around the house. But Sunday we went to a philharmonic pops concert in the park. Yesterday we went to a 4th of July festival during the day and then stayed up for fireworks at night. Rather, Ada fell asleep DURING the fireworks -- not something I would have ever imagined happening with the world's lightest sleeper!

I'm going to try to get on a rough blogging schedule again. Hopefully posting 2-3 times per week. Probably some kind of family update, something about food, and then something about fitness (or budget or another wildcard). Yes. I'm getting back into it. I don't want to jinx anything, but my recovery from birth has been incredible. I'm out running easy (code for S.L.O.W.) 2-3 mile jogs. It's not something I planned to do -- my midwife said to return to exercise as it felt OK and when the bleeding had stopped. More on that and body after baby later this week.

Belated happy 4th, happy July, and happy SUMMER.

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The Rest of the Story

I am absolutely overwhelmed with the support and love you all have shown us. Not just after the birth of Eloise -- but throughout the entire process. When I check through my Instagram feed at night and see your thoughtful suggestions and ideas for easing into the newborn phase, I smile. When you guys share with me your common struggles and triumphs, I get all warm and fuzzy inside. There have been so many times I've considered stopping blogging, but in the end -- there's so much good that has come of it.

I thought I'd answer a few questions we've been getting today. If you have more, let 'em in the comments. I would like to get started with some informal video blogging again. But I don't have any hard and fast goals for this site right now. I am writing when I feel compelled and when I can. (This morning, making these lactation cookies was top of the priority list!)

#1: How's it going?

Pretty well. We are definitely not having a perfectly smooth transition, but it's not half bad either. Mostly, it's hard getting used to being so tired again. I suppose that's one advantage of having kids closer together -- you wouldn't have the time we've had to relish all the sleep. And instead of being tired and able to rest when the baby rests, we have a big girl with lots of energy now that preschool is over for the year.

It's definitely easier in many respects because so much of having a baby is like riding a bike. We quickly remembered what different signals mean. We aren't freaked out if the baby starts crying in public. We don't need to pack our diaper bag with every last item in our house. We feel like we can get out and about without too much trouble, etc. That's all been so nice.

#2: Talk about perfect timing!

This isn't a comment we've received from anyone online. But just about everyone we run into out and about comments on how perfect our baby timing was for Stephen being home for summer vacation. We usually just laugh and shrug -- but you guys know we didn't time this stuff. In many ways, it's also awful timing. Summer is heating up, our AC unit just broke, and we have no paychecks coming in. (PS: Our furnace broke shortly after Ada was born!)

All that stuff aside, though, it is great to have Stephen home. He was gone for long days during track season, so we felt like we never saw him. Now he's here all the time. All or nothing -- lol!

#3: How did you decide on the name Eloise Joy?

With Ada, getting pregnant so easily meant the whole thing felt like it went by at lightning speed. This time around, there was so much waiting. We had literally a gazillion names picked out for boys and girls. Then we had specific ones picked during different pregnancies that we didn't want to use again out of respect. It became kind of nuts how long my lists got.

Stephen had liked the name Eloise during Ada's pregnancy. I really liked it, too, but had my heart set on Ada at that point. So, when we got serious about the names discussion, I remembered Eloise. And it just felt right. The Joy, as you can imagine, simply comes from our emotions tied to her arrival.

#4: How's Ada adjusting to being a big sister?

About as well as can be expected. The first visit, she was conflicted to say the least. I think the hardest part to her has been the crying. Ada's sensitive to noise -- it's a sensory thing she's always had. So, we are working with her on understanding why Eloise cries and giving her ideas on what might help her feel better when the crying gets bad.

Otherwise, she really is in love. We put her to bed last night and about a half hour later she wanted to come downstairs just to say goodnight to her sister again.

#5: How did everything turn out with the GBS and meds?

As weird as my birth was being augmented and all -- I think the whole scenario worked out really well for my anxiety over GBS. My water broke (or hind water or whatever) only a bit and I was able to get meds ASAP before even contracting. This meant I was able to get both doses of the medication in before delivery (my delivery was almost 8 hours after starting the meds to the dot!), which is something I really didn't think I'd have time for.

#6: What sling do you have?

I've had so many questions about my sling! It's a Maya Wrap, size medium with light padding. I think I should have gone for the small, but it still works. It's definitely comfortable and I can see using it a lot. But I guess I'm old fashioned because I still prefer using my old Moby Wrap for newborn carrying.

#7: Does Eloise look like/act like Ada?

It's hard to compare babies, especially at this newborn stage. I feel like Eloise looks almost exactly like Ada did as a tiny baby. They also nurse similarly and make tons of the same noises, seems to be developing reflux, etc. Did you moms of 2+ kids notice a big difference right away? My pregnancy was so similar, the date when I gave birth was within like 24 hours, and I just can't perceive a big difference! I know this will change with time, though.

#8: What are your must-haves so far? Have they changed since Ada?

It's still early to tell, but I will surely do an updated post on this topic. As a short list, some of my must-haves are different. For example, I didn't have a Rock 'n Play the first time around. This time? It's so handy as a place to put Eloise during the day! We also bought this amazing White Noise Machine that is the best one I've ever experienced. It has a real fan inside, so we run that on the main level of the house during the day to help absorb noise.

What hasn't been a must-have is our swaddlers. She doesn't like to be swaddled at all. So weird!

#9: What's your biggest challenge right now?

That's a tough one. I would say adjusting to nursing again. After being "free" to come and go as I please for so many years, it's hard to be back on an on-demand nursing schedule. I also don't love feeling engorged (who does?). And right now I'm dealing with some over-supply on my left versus right and trying to correct it -- so that's annoying. I know it will all sort out soon.

At times, I have been somewhat torn between Ada and Eloise. Like, they'll both have needs . . . and usually Eloise's is more pressing, but Ada is much more aware of my timeliness. You know what I mean. It's tough. Any tips on that?

#10: Other stuff:

When we got home from the hospital, Ada had a cold. We tried really hard to not have it spread, but now I have a cold and the baby does, too. The house was really clean the day we got home from the hospital and not so great now. The laundry was all caught up and now it's exploding again. We had postponed our HelloFresh boxes for a couple weeks -- so meals have been spotty and weird.

So, the whole perfection thing we had going after Ada's birth is just not there. That's the main difference I've seen between having one baby versus two kids. We have to prioritize and just live moment to moment.

That's all I have time to write right now. I've been walking about 30-45 minutes a day, so I'm off to get in my slot before Stephen heads off on a run. I have much more to write about! So, stay tuned and HAPPY FRIDAY!

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Our House Cleaning Routine

Skipping ahead of myself again to share something I've been meaning to write up for quite some time. Our cleaning routine! And the reason I've wanted to write about it but haven't is because we weren't in a good groove . . . and I thought posting would help push us in the right direction. Well, now that we've cleaned and cleared out in our minimalist efforts, everything is falling much better into place.

Here's how we approach cleaning our spaces, how often we clean what, and what things we tend to leave for longer periods of time. Note: I'm not slating this as some "best practices" kind of post. Just merely sharing what we do. I'd love to hear how you approach cleaning in your everyday life!

Everyday

#1: The kitchen tends to be the busiest spot in our home. I typically cook most of our meals and snacks from scratch to help save money in the budget for other areas. As a result, I use my food processor, blender, stand mixer, slow cooker, and multiple pots and pans almost daily. Holy dishes! Cleaning the kitchen consists of getting the dishes through the washer and putting them away. Cleaning any kitchen tools we've used. Wiping up crumbs and grime from counter tops. Sweeping any big messes off the floor. This isn't a deep clean, it's simply to keep things running smoothly.

#2: Tidying up clutter. I run through the main areas of the house regularly throughout the day and attempt to keep whatever near its "right place." Ada's toys are the things that migrate around mostly. We have a few baskets in the living room to put blocks and a few other quiet toys in. Stuffed animals are her favorite, so I find them everywhere. It's not a big deal if they're around, but there's something so soothing about walking around the house at night and it's all clear for the next day.

Also: We've been getting Ada in on the task because we've put a metal bucket at the bottom of the stairs. In the evenings, we ask her to get anything that belongs in her room and put it in the bucket so we can put it back before bedtime.

#3: Paperwork. This is something new we've attempting to tackle every single day. We noticed that so much of the crap we've been stashing for far too long was junk mail and other documents that could be cleared out almost immediately. I don't know what our hangup was. Now I try to recycle junk mail and take care of other random papers coming into the house the day we receive them. It's a work in progress.

Every Other Day

#1: We vacuum the floor on the main level of the house just about every other day. A lot of this ends up being mess from eating in the dining room, cooking in the kitchen, or general crumbs and dirt from the outdoors.

#2: Laundry. I'd like to get on a better, less frequent schedule with washing laundry. Part of this battle has been paring down our wardrobes. Part of it has been being more patient if favorite clothes are soiled. I think we could be better at waiting longer between loads, but it seems like we're doing at least a few every other day. I wrote a whole article about how we should wash our clothes less often for Wisebread a few years ago, it's an interesting read!

#3: Recycling. We have a huge bin for recycling in our kitchen and we try to empty it into the garage bin about every other day. But here's the problem -- I don't know WHY we seem to have so many boxes, plastics, and other things going through the house. This should be a once a week thing in my opinion. I'm really trying to examine why we have so much packaging. BTW: Check out this great article about Surviving a Week of Zero-Waste Shopping. We have a lot of work we could do in this area. Oh, goals!

Once a Week

#1: Bathrooms. I feel like our bathrooms get so dirty so fast! We tend to give them a total clean once a week, consisting of cleaning the toilet, wiping down the sink (toothpaste + 4-year-old = ugh!), spritzing the mirrors, and clearing out any empty containers.

#2: We vacuum the basement carpet once a week. If it needs to be cleaned more often, we can't ever tell because it's all different shades of brown and masks things well. I would like to get a shampooer to give the thing a good wash a few times a year. Anyone rent or buy one and have experiences to share?

#3: We wash our paperless towel system once a week -- sometimes more if we've been using a lot of them.

#4: Bedrooms. I'll just tell you I don't make our bed every day. I probably make it once a week. I used to make it mostly daily, but since being pregnant, I crawl in and out on occasion -- so I figure, what's the point? Ada's bed is the same way because she's still napping. And as good as we are with washing our clothing, we are slow to put it away. This is something I'd like to work on because having calm, clean sleep spaces is important. They're not horrible, but I hate seeing laundry piles.

#5: Change sheets. I say weekly because that's what we usually do. But if I'm being totally honest, there are times when maybe two weeks go and we don't change the sheets. Still, I try to keep this a weekly thing. If I can remember to do it before bedtime, I'm golden. If I continue to stay up too late, it doesn't get done in a timely manner. Is that gross? Probably.

#6: Trash. I am surprised this doesn't go out more frequently. Somehow, we haven't had a ton of actual trash. It's more about the recycling. Of course, if something smells or is full, we take it out right away. But usually we do the bathroom bins once a week on trash night. The kitchen has been mostly once a week since we started composting. There are always exceptions to the rule, but -- yeah.

Less Often

#1: So, we don't really vacuum upstairs all that often. It's a mix of being too lazy to take the vacuum up the stairs and the fact that we don't wear shoes or eat much up there, so there's less mess to contend with. I'd say we end up doing it every other week or every three weeks (is that awful? it's been working well for us!).

#2: I have this thing about cleaning our windows. I mean, most people I talk to don't worry about it but once a season. I really like to give ours a good scrub once a month or so. I think having plantation shutters also exposes more dust that needs to be cleaned. So, I use some homemade cleaners and spritz everything about once a month.

#3: Dusting. I feel kind of weird admitting that I don't like to dust, so I don't do it often. I mean, dust accumulates, but it never seems terribly overpowering to me. If if notice a lot of dust, I'll of course wipe it up. Otherwise, I'd say I don't dust more than once a month. I think that's one benefit of having less furniture, too!

#4: OK, so I do a surface cleaning of the kitchen every day and it keeps things sane for a while. I do a deep clean probably every three weeks to a month. Like wiping out and clearing out the refrigerator. Cleaning the (outside) of the stove. Digging into the pantries to see what's expired. That kind of stuff. In an ideal world, I'd do this weekly or every other week.

#5: Wiping down furniture. I clean off the dining set about once a month unless I see something on it from an afternoon art project. We also recently washed and conditioned our leather couch after about a year of letting it go. We should probably vacuum under couch cushions more regularly. And one area I'm always embarrassed about? Underneath our bed. I don't know how so many clothes, toys, dust bunnies, etc. end up there . . . but they do, in droves.

#6: Closets. As we've gotten rid of more, we've needed to clean our closets far less often. Only a few sets of sheets helps with the linen closet. Fewer clothes means less mess in our bedroom closets. The worst closet in the house, though, is in the craft room. When I say we're mostly done with our leaning out, it's because the office/craft room is still a mishmash of things. We're working on it, and I hope to do a before/after really soon!

So, that's our general cleaning schedule. I have probably forgotten something major and you've all wondering WHY I don't clean whatever it is . . . but I assure you, there's nothing smelly or too terribly disgusting lurking inside these walls.

Happy Friday, friends!

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