How Things Are Going . . .

Another question I've been getting from people in my real life + people online is how transitioning to life with three kids is going. Well, it's actually quite perfect. I've got everything so under control. So much so, that as I write this very blog post, I just successfully put down Eloise and Eden for simultaneous naps!

Super mom, right?

Wrong.

I have no clue what I'm doing. Of course, we're just two weeks in, so it's not fair for me to call myself a failure yet. I'll say that Stephen's two weeks off haven't been necessarily as dreamy as they sounded on paper. He's had to continue coaching, including meets, and doing grading and other responsibilities. So, I've been sort of trial-by-fire thrown into solo parenting three kids a few times already. And it's scary, guys. I mean, I feel completely out of my element.

It's not that I wasn't expecting a transition. Even a major transition. I expected it. But I suppose I thought maybe I'd magically have a bit more figured out with the newborn stuff fresher in my mind this time around. But that's the thing. I think what's more difficult than having three kids is having a newborn and a spirited toddler. Ada's at school much of the day, so figuring out how to tend to a toddler's needs (diapers, naps, meltdowns, etc.) and a newborn's needs (constant nursing, diapers, fussy times, naps, etc.) . . . it's just --

(((Baby started screaming from her swing nap)))

Ok. Where was I?

Everyone has needs.

And I'm not yet good at meeting them all at once. The best tip you guys shared with me for parenting three kids is to use my baby carrier, like, all the time. I have four baby carriers! A Moby Wrap, Ergo 360, Maya wrap, and Woven wrap. So far, Eden sort of only likes the Ergo with the infant insert if I'm constantly moving (constantly!). But getting her to fall asleep is impossible, so she basically just cries and fusses while I attempt to do things like cook, clean, change diapers, help with homework (not super easy with a carrier IMO).

(((Screaming again -- I give up on the nap despite all the frantic yawning I'm seeing)))

Yeah. So, getting used to a toddler and a newborn is kicking my butt. I am hoping time will help. I am hoping I'll learn some stuff as I go along. I am hoping that she'll start liking the baby carrier. I'm hoping that we can get this naps-in-the-nursery thing down even if she has to sleep in a swing until she's six months old (like Eloise did! Thanks to Precious Little Sleep -- which is a great resource, btw!).

But right now I'm feeling like a master of nothing, so it's humbling. (For example, I have absolutely no idea how I'll return to freelance writing with the current stretching of my energies.) That said, both Eloise and Ada love having a little sister. They both beg to hold and kiss her all the time. In fact, they fight over it, which has been a bit of an issue. I'm just happy that there aren't sore feelings around bringing home another child. Ada's been a bit sensitive and possessive (she's MY baby).

Sorry to not have a more promising outlook to share at this moment.

(((Oh, wait. Maybe Eden is going to nap! How have her screams not woken Eloise?)))

I will say that emotionally I'm feeling good after delivery. I haven't been weepy or depressed or filled with anxiety, which is similar to what I experienced after Eloise (with Ada I did experience some PPD). I'm not feeling overwhelmed despite how it sounds. I just am hoping to figure out some stuff. To find a groove. Any kind of groove will do. But I'm not being too hard on myself. Dinner has been scrambled eggs and toaster waffles. I had a sincere talk with Ada about not having a birthday party this year because it's too much to toss into the equation.

In other words: I'm going easy on myself. We're stepping back from tons of responsibilities as a family and trying to have a quiet holiday + winter season. We're giving our family some grace. Maybe next time when I write about being a family of five, I'll have some words of wisdom to share.

Until then -- do YOU have any advice for me?

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Catching Up

I basically took the last month completely off from writing -- had you noticed? I was trying to rest up as much as possible before today. The start of school. The start of true cross-country season (it's been going on with practices for the last month). The final countdown in my pregnancy (I'm 32.5 weeks!). It's all a little overwhelming. But I used the time wisely. I worked a lot this summer (freelance-wise AND with nesting projects). It feels good, but I'd be lying if I told you I'm happy to be back in the normal swing of things.

Here's what's up -- with a dose of cuteness from when Eloise was just five days old.

School

Ada starts first grade today. She's incredibly excited and apprehensive all at the same time. I don't blame her because I'm notoriously anxious with good and bad energy during big transitions. She enjoys being home in the summers and getting down time, but I think she's going to love being back in a routine with her friends. I'm having some feelings this year because usually I try to help out in the school a bit and pop in from time to time, but I am not sure how that will work with a new baby and a toddler. I suppose we'll see!

I may have already mentioned that Eloise is starting "school" this year as well. I have enrolled her in a program that meets two mornings each week for 2.5 hours each morning. It's more for me than her, obviously. But I do hope she gains some feelings of comfort being out and about with other adults and kids. She starts next Tuesday. I didn't send Ada to preschool until she was closer to three, so I'm really hoping for a smooth transition. Again, I guess we'll see what happens.

Pregnancy

I think I'm in denial that I'm this far along already. This pregnancy actually went by quite quickly for me, in a start contrast to the extreme anxiety that plagued my pregnancy with Eloise. With her, every second seemed to just tick by so slowly. This time around, I haven't had any complaints physically until more recently. And those are only the "normal" third trimester woes. I've been incredibly fortunate in that regard . . . and I feel like it's a very good note to leave my childbearing years on. That said, I have started getting a bit nervous for birth. Both how it will happen/when it will happen and the actual physical act.

I have a doctor appointment on Friday complete with an ultrasound. Questions I have regard delayed cord clamping (something I've never specifically requested, but I think maybe has been done automatically by my midwives in the past) and timing for when to come in during labor (because my water broke first last time and I have this fear of not recognizing I'm having contractions until it's too late). I keep hearing that third babies are total wildcards, so while I want to believe this baby will arrive neatly like her sisters early in the 38th week, I'm trying to prepare myself for anything.

Work

Freelancing is winding down for me and I have lots of mixed feelings about it. I'm trying to lighten the load in preparation for the baby . . . but I actually like working and I always fear that taking time off will mean I lose jobs or can't find work when I'm ready. In the past, I really lucked into my gigs. As I've become more entrenched as a mom versus a freelancer, my connections have somewhat faded. And my professional mojo is definitely not what it used to be. Right now I'm not sure how I envision working with having three kids and little childcare. In my head, I can see being back at writing very lightly once the baby is three months old . . . ramping up to more "normal" levels when Stephen is home for the summer.

Do any of you work similar gigs? I used to try to make early mornings and nap times work, but I am seeing that that's definitely not going to fly when I have two little ones with different nap schedules and breastfeeding -- as well as a school-aged kid who needs me during the early mornings and late afternoons. I imagine I'll have to make blocks of time for work when Stephen is home and I can physically get out of the house. This is, of course, provided work is still available when I'm ready to return.

Simplification

I dropped my microblogging, and I am hoping to return back to that series now. My goal is to write twice a week. Bonus points if I get to it more often, but no pressure if not. We left off with simple cleaning tricks and how I was possibly considering hiring someone to come once a month to help out. I've dropped that idea because preschool costs money and, well, there's only so much money. What's actually really simplified my cleaning process and made a huge difference at this stage isn't the most eco-friendly thing in the world. But I bought a huge pack of Seventh Generation Disinfecting Wipes. I just go around the house attacking everything with those. It's so easy and everything is so clean.

I don't necessarily want to continue using disposable wipes forever, but right now it's what I need to get a handle on things. Otherwise, we've organized things so well (and it's taken SO long) that I can get the entire house tidy AND clean in about an hour. This may be longer or shorter than it takes you, but it's liberating. Before, just getting all the clutter in some random holding place (usually laundry baskets stashed in the 4th bedroom) took forever. Then I never quite got to the cleaning.

Another random bit of information is that I did all the Christmas shopping for the girls in August this year. My family thinks I'm a bit crazy, but it feels good to have that out of the way.

What's Up Next?

Alright! Thanks for catching up with me. I'll return back to the simplify series again soon. If you have anything you'd like me to cover sooner rather than later, let me know. A few of you requested hearing about our back-to-school routine and how we manage all that. So, I think that's what I'll cover next. Otherwise, I need to power through the rest of the week, power through the first long XC meet on Saturday, and keep on with my to-do list to prepare for Baby E!

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Ode to Baby Gates

When you scroll through all those carefully curated images on perfect-mommy Instagram feeds, what is one thing you rarely see? BABY GATES. Right? I mean, I would love to have my toddler free-ranging it in the house. And I tried. Oh, I tried.

But this baby gate has been a total game-changer.

If you're in the market, it's the Evenflo Soft + Wide Gate ($40 and PRIME).

Wide is the part that matters most.

In brief: Eloise had taken to climbing up the dining room table, like c.o.n.s.t.a.n.t.l.y. When I was trying to cook. When I was trying to clean. Just, always. I had trouble finding a gate for the nearly 60 inches of gap between the kitchen and dining room. I kept beating myself up thinking that somehow I needed to simply figure out how to get her to stop . . . or that magically she would learn the proper way to keep herself safe with enough trial and error.

Nope.

She fell hard the other day, and I said to hell with it. To hell with aesthetics. To hell with being one of those mystical earth mamas who doesn't cage in her kids. The gate showed up the next day in the mail (super fast!) . . . and I installed it immediately. I actually don't mind at all how it looks. We intend to keep it up most of the time, but it folds away very easily for storage and even travel.

Here's the way our downstairs is now gated off.


Not exactly pretty. Not exactly glamorous. But I can now turn my back for three whole seconds without having to worry (too much). The two gates work together to keep Eloise off the dining table AND the stairs. It's amazing. I think the only thing I love more is our toilet lock. Because, well, I was finding EVERYTHING tossed in the toilet. That's not something we dealt with when Ada was a toddler because we only had one upstairs bathroom.

I have a toy organization post planned for next week. Get ready for it! In the meantime, happy weekend! I think the stomach bug has arrived in our household. Should be an interesting few days.

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Messy House Tour // Christmas Edition

So, we've been sick in this house for over two weeks now. Ada started with croup . . . and then we fell like dominos. Of course, this also meant we were sick for the Thanksgiving holiday. All five glorious days off we had been anticipating for, well, months. I had plans to bake, make wax ornaments, and generally deck the halls. Basically nothing has been crossed off that fun to-do list (here's our winter bucket list, if you're interested). And my house is wrecked.

I'm sure if you're on social media that you follow people for inspiration or even escape. I certainly do. But, and this is no secret, sometimes all that perfection can make you feel like, uh, crap. Even more crappy than you already feel. I was having a hint of this happening this morning as I scrolled through photo after photo of all those quirky short + stout Christmas trees placed in impeccable living rooms -- twinkling lights on the heaven setting.

This is what my house looks like right now. 

All the food is on the counters. There are electric cord extenders everywhere to hook in the outdoor lights. Clothes are on the dining table, along with random drawings and toys. I guess I didn't even snap a photo of the floor in the dining room (you can check it out on Instagram). I suppose I'll just submit these with no further comment.

And trust me . . . you do not want to go upstairs.

My bathrooms are actually quite clean, so that's a win on my part. Regardless, happy holidays. I'm sure I'll post some prettier photos eventually. I mean, we're all guilty of showing our best face even when things aren't great in reality. I'm hoping to kick this cough and to get my voice back soon. Tomorrow I'll be posting a homemade vegan turmeric cocoa recipe I've been making to curb my newfound $6 Starbucks habit.

Happy Monday!

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Why We’re So Bad at Saving Money, etc.

I’ve been mulling over a lot since I last wrote about our budget and desire to get out of debt. At the time when I wrote, Stephen was still home for summer break, and I was basically milling my own grain to bake homemade bread daily, cooking up fresh batches of yogurt + cheese, and generally being a model homesteading mother. I love this stuff. It’s the stuff of my life that brings me a lot of happiness. As the pace of life has picked up (here's our day in the life) with the start of school and coaching season, however, I have had a lightbulb moment.

It won’t shock any of you. But I’ve realized WHY we are so horrible at saving money even when we have the best of intentions. When life is slow and time is, well, plentiful, we have lots of energy to expend. Energy equals dollars, quite honestly. When I have lots of energy, I’m able to keep my house clean, I’m able to cook homemade meals, I’m able to mix together all my own household cleaners. When I have more energy and time, I am able to think of more ways to save money.

Heck, I’m able to think, period.

When energy and time are taken out of the equations, that’s when convenience enters. Again, this isn’t mind-blowing by any means, but when you’re just surviving everyday life . . . it can be hard to pinpoint why exactly, say, you’re driving to get a bagel and coffee (and you don’t even like coffee) in a haze and then somehow also want to fork over $20 or more for takeout on a Wednesday evening. And then your mind is made up that you may never cook again.

Convenience has both good and bad connotations, doesn’t it? 

It means easy-breezy and comfortable. 

It also means waste (packaging, money, etc.) and laziness. 

What am I talking about? Well, packaged foods and beverages come to mind. Takeout and heat-up meals are another offender. Then there’s stuff like paper towels, which we actually have successfully broken the habit of using. Then there’s this grey area of just buying things -- no matter what they are -- in the moment because they’ll help you in some way. Perhaps this is my own emotional purchasing, but like buying a small toy because my kid won’t stop screaming due to teething, and I think it will help.

Where am I going with this?

OK. So, all this stuff costs money. Time equals energy to do things like making laundry detergent, baking bread, and generally being less wasteful. When I don’t have time, I spend lots of money for both practical and emotional reasons. And then it’s this vicious cycle that’s difficult if not impossible to break. Even harder because our society seems set up to drive us into consumerism by default.


So, how to combat this issue?

One thing would be to somehow get more time. Are you snickering? I am. I think all of us would love to find the magic that would provide this luxury. Getting up earlier has certainly given me more time, but I’m using that time for work and exercise right now. Alright, then there’s having more money. LOL again. How about getting more energy somehow? I know a lot of people drink coffee. I go in phases with the stuff. I’ve mentioned it before, but it actually gives me a headache, so I’ve tried tea . . . but it doesn’t give me much of a boost. I also don’t want to be dependent on some substance all the time.

In the absence of more time, money, and energy, I think all that’s left to do is to resist the urge to give in to all conveniences. Some, sure. But I think it’s a slippery slope once you get going. Or at least once I get going, it seems like one convenience leads to another. Resist is such a heavy word. It sounds difficult and laborious. And that’s exactly what it is. Beyond resisting, I suppose it's finding balance and also finding faster ways to do the things that will make all that homemade stuff more convenient.

I had written up a series a while back, Green in 15. I suppose I need to take a lesson from myself. As an aside, I’m sure you’ve realized by now that bloggers are no more expert at anything than you are. We just like to talk and take photos of things we often do for the first time and find groundbreaking. To be fair, there are plenty of things I’ve shared in this space that I’ve honed for years and years. But there are definitely a few I’m guilty of jumping the gun on sharing.

Back to my original thoughts:

A.) I can’t do it all. I need to give myself grace if I give in to things that make my life easier. Even if that means temporarily creating more waste and spending more money.

B.) Not everything has to take such a long time. Maybe there are even some smart hacks I could try on my old methods to make my favorite DIY stuff.

C.) I can look at one thing at a time. Maybe some weeks, I just need a clear goal. Like cooking all our meals at home could be first. It doesn’t have to be difficult. I could get back into batch cooking or freezer meals. After that, I could nudge myself out of the freezer aisle and stop buying more prepared foods at insane markups. The next week, I could try out a dry laundry soap recipe that takes less time than the one I mix together by boiling. Etc.

How do you deal with this situation in your everyday life? Have you triumphed over the time/energy trappings? I’ll be sure to report back on my progress. 

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