My Real Life + Being Happy

I've been blogging for ten years now. I mean, that's sort of incredible if you think about it. That's about a third of my life I've shared online. Blogging is a funny thing, as I'm sure you've gathered throughout the years. There are many aspects of it that I absolutely love. There's this awesome online community of people -- women, mostly -- and I've benefited greatly from the connections I've made with other bloggers and readers across the country and beyond.

But then there's this tricky side to it. The comparison trap. The constant feeling of being behind. Of wanting what other people have. I never felt this way in the beginning. My first "blog" was a Livejournal just for my friends to read while I was in college. To me, writing online has never been about projecting an image of myself. It's been all about sharing in the best way I can as an introvert. I can type out and "say" so much more on the computer than I might in a conversation (though that has certainly changed over the years).

And it was about sharing (and still is!) when I started neverhomemaker. Then something shifted in the blog world. I don't really know when it happened. I feel like it was the year I had Ada, back around 2011/2012. I feel like I looked around one day, and what once was a place of sharing recipes and thoughts and somewhat poorly lit photos became a competition. Who had the BEST recipe with the BEST photos? Who lived in the most interesting ZIP code or had the cutest kids? Who spent their weekends doing the most interesting things and who was able to cultivate the most put-together image? Whose stuff was getting Pinned or otherwise shared the most?

I may be alone in seeing the online world in this way. Or maybe I'm not. But my own internalization of it started to weigh me down. To make me feel less-than. There were days I wanted to try my hand at the competition. Thing is, I don't live anywhere all that interesting. We don't make a lot of money. I don't have time to spend anymore rigging up impressive photo-shoots of my food or house or anything. Many of my close friends don't live near us, so we don't do a ton of socializing. We go on one vacation most years.

The list of how my life isn't "blog-worthy" goes on.

I'd keep looking at life as a work-at-home mom through an Instagram lens and feel like I was coming up short. I look at blogs that didn't exist way back when neverhomemaker was at its peak of "popularity" and they've become HUGE. Like massive giants. Kudos to the people who write them -- really, I'm impressed -- but it all seems so exhausting to try to stay on top of the trends, to project an image of perfection, etc. Yet to many, it seems this pursuit is effortless. And maybe it is. But that's where I've gotten lost with the whole thing.

See, I have slowly started caring less and less about my relevancy in the online world. And in general. You don't have to be a blogger to feel the way I'm feeling. Projection of perfection is everywhere. It's stressful. Anyway, long-time readers may have noticed I stopped blogging as frequently in recent years. I un-followed a number of certain big bloggers who, well, trigger my feelings of inadequacy. I un-followed Facebook friends who bugged me. And now I've basically quit Facebook. It's all been a transformative experience.

I'm just a real woman in her early thirties who has two kids and a real, physical life to lead. I have two amazing daughters to bring up who don't care about pageviews or followers. Who don't really care if they are wearing twee outfits or engaging in the latest Pinterest trend activities. I don't care about seeming cool to my real life friends on social media. What's most important in my life right now is that my girls need a loving mama. Full stop.

Truth is, I used to care about making my life, my home, my activities seem more exciting than they really are. It's like a switch flipped, because . . . I just don't anymore. I'm quite happy with my life. My real life. And the people who are actually in my real life don't care about any of this nonsense. Sure, I dream of living near the ocean or of having an impeccably clean home or having enough money to buy all organic ingredients for carefully crafted cookbook dinners each and every night.

Who doesn't on some level?

The difference now is that I have stopped trying to pretend for others. I often joke with Stephen and sing the line from Hamilton that goes "We don't need a legacy . . . we don't need money . . ." because that's how I feel. We are living comfortably in a suburb to nowhere important in a home that is plenty big enough for us. We have food on the table, often from Aldi, often the same meals on repeat for several weeks at a time to save money. Ada goes to a wonderful school. We have a beautiful baby who is growing leaps and bounds. I am able to use my college degree to work from home. Stephen may have a teacher's salary, but he has his summers off.

There's a lot to love here, even if we aren't jetting off on vacations all the time or keeping up with the Joneses in other ways. And there are so very many ways to keep up these days, from the clothes we wear to the fitness boutiques we attend. (BTW: Have you seen the movie? I've got a major crush on David Duchovny. It's a good watch. Makes me think of blogging! Also -- what does it mean if you live in an area that doesn't even have fancy fitness boutiques? )

Where did these musings come from? A friend of mine recently shared an article she had found online about wanting to live a mediocre life. The author of the article asks "what if all I want is a small, slow, simple life?" And this whole thing has resonated with me. Blogging and living online in any way, shape, or form (blogger or not!) for so long has a way of skewing the importance of things in life. In the end, all that matters is finding joy and fulfillment in the things you do. In the people you're around. On the path you follow in your real life.

And I could be enough,
And we could be enough,
That would be enough...

Read more...

The 5-Step Happy Plan

About a month ago, I declared that “IT STOPS TODAY” -- and I meant it. The “it” was this deep funk I have found myself in and it’s impact on how I’ve been caring for myself. In the 30 days since, I’ve really taken charge of my mental and physical health. But I didn’t have high hopes for its impact on my day to day life. Strangely enough, I’ve discovered that even a few small modifications can turn your life around or at least set you in a better direction. And it can all start right now!

I thought I’d share some of the steps I’ve taken toward happiness lately, and I hope you find them useful -- even if it’s only for a tasty green smoothie recipe.

#1: Move More

The winter is rough on me. Let me rephrase: THIS winter has been really rough on me. I do get a touch of SAD each year, so leaving the house and moving my body is important for my overall wellbeing. It’s been especially hard lately with the wind chills and snow, but taking time here and there to move around, stretch, and fight off stagnation gives me a boost. Doing Barre3 workouts has been a nice change in my day, even when I only do one for 10 minutes. Running has been somewhat elusive, but instead of feeling down about that, I’ve looked forward to the opportunities I have had to be outdoors, even if it means slapping on my cross-country skis.

#2: Drink Green Smoothies

This one sounds so silly and simple, but it’s worth doing. My diet isn’t terrible, but it could always be better -- especially in the greens department. I feel tremendous health and happiness in a green glass of frosty smoothie. Maybe it’s all the tropical fruits I’ve been filling mine with . . . but this is a habit I intend to keep up. Here are some of my tips for blending better green smoothies, as well as my favorite mix that serves two or three: 1 ripe banana, 1/2 to 1 cup mix tropical fruit, two large handfuls baby kale or super greens (Wegmans), 1 cup coconut milk, and then water to achieve desired consistency.

#3: Write and Play

I shared a whole post about how I’m using writing for healing these days. Getting my thoughts out onto paper or screen helps me sort my mind and make more meaningful plans for next steps. Along with writing, I’ve been leaning on other non-exercise mental health tools. For me, this means picking up my violin everyday to play for a half hour or so. Rather than sit and stew in my head, having some releases that I work into the day has been transformative.

#4: Banish the Negative

Refocusing my attitude has also been a big change. A hard change. I was getting this snowballing negative side of me, which is already easy to do since I naturally lean that direction. My self awareness was down, and I was finding it difficult to break out of being down and downright crotchety. To start, I stopped the activities that tend to bring out my snarky side. Checking Facebook profiles of frenemies, reading sites like GOMI, steeping myself in pregnancy forums, etc. At first, it was challenging to make the mental switch because I’d so automatically used these activities for sick “entertainment" in spare minutes here and there. After a month, I don’t miss them anymore. And I actually am feeling lighter.

#5: Refocus

Versus spending all my time zeroed-in on what’s causing me the most anguish, I’ve been trying to redirect and refocus my energy, attention, and efforts. Some of this has meant not spending so much time in self-pity and -- instead -- looking outside of myself. I’ve been spending time forging new friendships and getting out of my shell. I’ve been saying yes to opportunities I used to shut out. And I’ve been using the energy I do have to be productive about my goals versus pining for life to be different. I’m focusing on loving my life as it is, not hating what it isn’t.


Do you have any “steps” toward happiness you might add?

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Sunday Scenes + Emotional Eating

I've always had difficulty when attempting to change my definition of "comfort food." And only recently did I start to understand or, rather, accept that the reason has nothing to do with self control or inability to truly enjoy "good," healthy foods. I fill my belly with plenty of kale, carrots, and other nutrient-dense produce. Comfort food is what it is because it serves an emotional purpose. Even the act of baking itself feeds my soul.

I've read of different methods + tricks to change out of eating my feelings in books + magazines, and, of course, on blogs. Paint your nails (I bite mine). Take a luxurious bath (I hate baths). Walk around the block (I get more than enough exercise). Drink a glass of water (my bladder is already bursting as it is). Eat celery instead (which gets my in the kitchen anyway). Basically, indulge in some other way that doesn't involve food.

And yet . . .

Doughnuts are sort of the ultimate for me when it comes to emotional eating. So, I made them yesterday. And not the healthier baked variety either. I tried replicating the same yeasted fry cakes we get at local farms in autumn. Except I didn't have any cider to go with them, so my experience was somewhat limited.

I guess what this divulges to you all is that it was a rough weekend in many respects. (And, if I'm being totally honest, the rough continues.) Between Ada's impending MRI appointment and all the worry that goes along with it, Stephen's dwindling summer vacation (which ends today), deadlines, a wildly messy house I just can't seem to tame, and a list of other stresses that seems to build . . . because I let them.

Anyway, these doughnuts were good, but not good enough for a recipe feature on the blog. So, I'm making them again soon -- happily. I'll be using pumpkin puree and a bit more sugar next time around. (Yes, even though I bake and indulge in a solid share of comfort food, I do make an effort to use healthy substitutions when they make sense. It's give/take.)

My thoughts toward emotional eating have changed a lot over the years. I can recognize when I'm doing it now, whether it's to mark a dark point in my day/week/month/life or to celebrate some momentous occasion. (Yup! I don't eat just for upset – I eat for joy as well.) But I've started shedding the guilt I used to associate with it which, in turn, has lessened the quantity of food I consume. In some blissful compromise, it seems.

I'm trying in this decade to enjoy food versus battling it. To give myself freedom from guilt and negativity where it's just not necessary to inject. What I'm finding already is that letting go in this way has extended beyond the food to other areas of my life. A "don't sweat the small stuff" reaction, if you will. So, if you're finding yourself in a bad loop, give it a try. I'm still very much in process, but the internal progress is compelling.

Those of you off on holiday today, enjoy! I have some fun stuff in the queue for this week, including more about my month's worth of shopping at the grocery store yesterday. I could hardly turn my cart down the aisles it was so heavy!

Time to cook 24 more meals to accompany all that tangy BBQ sauce. Go!

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

More Than a 5K

Running early in the morning gives me this whole new world of introspective thinking. It's dark, quiet, lonely and basically the perfect atmosphere for contemplation. I never set out to ruminate on any specific topic. It happens organically. Or perhaps is a trick my mind plays to make my body forget how much it hates working before dawn.

My most recent 5K was a proud moment for me. It was the first race I ran as a 30-year-old. In a new age group. Somehow this fact felt very significant to me as I pounded out those 3.1 miles. Overwhelmingly so. I am older, yes, but with regard to running, there's nothing I'd associate with being old or aging.

I felt strong, solid, and fast.
I PRed for the first time in over 6 years.
I'd love to do it all over again because I know I can get faster.
But it goes so much deeper than times and age group awards.

If you asked me 10 years ago, I would have guaranteed you that I'd be slower after having a baby. I mean, it was just an inevitable fact of life. Priorities shift and focus changes and running was to keep me skinny mostly anyway. I've never been much of a competitor, but by the time I was 30, I'd just be happy if I was still keeping fit in some way.

Except that now, running is so much more than exercise to me. I don't know when it happened exactly. It's just who I am. I'm much more dimensional, but the runner part of "Ashley" is a huge chunk that gives me confidence, growth, self understanding, patience, happiness, belonging, and -- yes -- some crazy muscular legs.


When I was 11 or 12, I'd gawk at YM and Seventeen magazines, imagining how cool + pretty high school girls felt like the ones on those glossy pages. When I turned 17, I felt no more grown up, really, than I had the year or two before. Yeah, I'd kissed a boy and started wearing makeup. Those girls in the magazines still seemed older somehow, more worldly, more knowing than I could ever be.

Basically, throughout the years, I've kept waiting for something to happen to me. For my job to somehow take over my identity and make me feel like a real person. For the place where I live to make me feel important or smart or some other adjective besides dull + boring. For it -- my life -- to make sense in some instant of clarity. 

As some of you pointed out, it seems our 30s are the time for switching the game around. It's all about empowerment. Taking charge. A refusal to wait and see if I'll somehow feel different the next time I'm "supposed" to, at the next big milestone. The 30s are about finding the meaning of life from within.

I'm done waiting. I'm already who I am meant to be and -- if I think hard -- who I want to be. Everything else is up to the work I put in it. The drive and passion and dedication I give to myself and those around me. Crossing the finish line with a new time to boast about is one thing. But carrying that feeling, that tenacity throughout everything I do is another.

That's why I run.

PS: If you'd like a more play-by-play 5K report, check out my recap on Walk, Jog, Run. It was the first time I raced with my GPS watch!

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Diet Thoughts + Basil Hummus

The process of eating well can be transformative. After all, we're continually told "you are what you eat." But what they don't tell you? It isn't the sole catalyst for lasting change. In the past, I thought modifying my diet would change my life. That eating clean meant not only a clean body, but also a happy mind and satisfied soul.

As I have found out through much trial + error, that's only half true . . . at best.

Still, I think a lot of us use our diets as our adult report cards. There aren't too many other ways to grade how our lives are going, how we're dealing with physical and emotional contentment or, in turn, turmoil. Diets are (somewhat) easy to change, track, and control, too. They allow us focus on something external -- food + drink -- to lay blame outside our inner selves. To celebrate successes or, ultimately, punish failures.

Unless there's a large amount of weight to lose or some other quantifiable, measurable goal, the changes a diet provides can range from significant to imperceptible. And that's where the focus on food fails to deliver. Even if we "eat like adults," we can remain in a funk. Unfulfilled in so many ways.

What's even more perplexing is how we can be privy to all of what I just wrote and still choose to harp on diet every time our lives get out of control or we desire big change. I'm writing to myself here, can you tell? Understandably, it's a kick-start. After, that's when the "lifestyle" component factors in, which I'll get into another time. What the term encompasses, though, we typically interpret to mean exercise only. There are still multiple pieces of the pie missing.

Enough food for thought.
Now time for some actual food.


BASIL HUMMUS

What you'll need . . .

• 1 can chickpeas
• 1/2 cup packed basil leaves
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 tablespoon tahini
• Squeeze fresh lemon juice
• 1 clove garlic
• Salt and pepper to taste

//  Place all ingredients in your food processor and blend until smooth. Add more/less water depending on how you like the texture of your hummus to be. Then use as a dip or spread. I topped toast with it and added slices of heirloom tomatoes that looked quite a bit like lox, no?


Slice!


Have you been frustrated when a diet hasn't provided the change you needed?
Or perhaps quite the opposite?

Still, I believe taking the time to cook gives the mind more room to think. A critical slowing down that we're often taught to overlook (I skipped enough lunches while working my desk jobs, for example). And keeping recipes simple and full of nutrient-dense whole foods can help lead us in the right direction, wherever that may be.

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Doing Enough

For my 30th birthday, my dad presented me with a rather unexpected "gift" that had been in the works almost my entire life. He handed me an envelope containing all my report cards and standardized test scores since I started kindergarten. Sounds a little odd, but I assure you -- it's absolutely incredible to look at notes about my class participation and see written comments about my 9-year-old "chatterbox" self.

Thanks, dad.

I made my way through the years until I got to high school, where I was completely shocked to see a GPA of 2.73 my second semester of 9th grade. We all have things we brag about from time to time, and for me -- it's been my grades. In my junior and senior years of high school, I got high marks in lots of honors and AP classes. I worked even harder in college and graduated magna cum laude with a near double-major, two on-campus jobs, and a host of extracurricular activities.

Convenient how I forgot this one semester and -- really -- entire year of mediocre scores in most of my classes (hello, straight Cs in Spanish -- not my forte!). But then it all started to make sense. My freshman year of high school was my first real period of finding myself + honing my interests on my own terms. Wow, was I overloaded! Classes, music and theater stuff, attempts at sports, boyfriends, and much more.

I have this tendency to pile high the to-dos, goals, activities, obligations, and expectations . . . and, looking back, it all kicked into high gear in 9th grade. Surprise, surprise.

So, I think it's common to want to do more and accomplish more. Over time, we develop keen coping mechanisms and a better capacity for "work" so we can keep the rest of our lives running while we go after the big stuff. But there's definitely a breaking point. When I need to start thinking about what I expect from myself and from life.

I wrote all sorts of stuff related to this topic, but it ended up being mostly for me, not for you all.

In brief: I've spread myself thinner and thinner with each passing year and developed quite a tolerance. But I've reached my own breaking point. I think it's just wanting too much and not knowing why or what will ultimately fill my cup. What will make me feel full at the end of the day.

+  +  +  +  +

With all of these revelations in mind, I'm trying my best with the bigger picture goals I posted to stay focused and simple in my approach. For example, keeping up with my training goals is important and I embarked on the first workout for my fall half marathon plan yesterday.

The entire time I was running, my mind ran, too.
Through all the other fitness goals I have for myself.
And there are plenty.

"Well, I should probably do some cross-training when I'm done since I skipped yesterday's long run for travel. Maybe go to the pool and yoga tomorrow on my 'off' day. Perhaps I'll have time to sneak in some good sets of push-ups or skip to the gym to do kettlebells. Maybe I should check out that cycling class on Thursday. Maybe I should up my weekly mileage to 40 to meet my (lofty) time goal."


Eventually I returned home after 4 miles and said -- out loud, actually -- "SHUT UP. You are doing enough! You're doing great." It felt sort of amazing to assert myself in this way. To stand up to that bully always poking from the inside for not being good enough, fast enough, fit enough, smart enough, creative enough, etc.

Obviously this lesson applies to far more areas than just running or fitness. I've been feeling much more centered, at least in my heart, about myself and my life. Who I am. What's really important. My head is still catching up, it seems. As with all mind shifts, it will take time.

Thing is, I don't have grades to act as a barometer anymore. Of course I'll want to expand my horizons and improve. Work hard and go beyond my comfort zone. But not at the expense of the greater good. Not everything all at once. Today. Yesterday.

I am doing enough. I really am. And that's my new mantra.

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Time for a Turnaround

You're right.

It's beyond wanting to lose weight, eat less sugar, or be happier.
To exercise more and attain some major fitness goal.
It's beyond food and babies and bigger houses.
Beyond, beyond, beyond.

I hesitate getting too personal when it comes to mental health on this space. I get a variety of reactions, good and bad and also amateur psychologist, when I delve deep. But I figure enough of you are here for the good that I'll forge ahead with what my mind + heart really wants me to focus on for a while. It's time for a turnaround. Not some quick fix, 7-day plan or other gimmick.

I find myself physically running in almost all my spare time, criticizing my diet when at rest, and continually searching for different houses, different towns, different jobs -- basically anything different that would snap me out of whatever it is.

I'm in a constant state of searching. I've always been this way. Part of it, honestly, is just a hobby (obsessed with real estate and architecture, always love imagining what it's like to live in another gal's shoes, etc.) but it's gotten a little overboard lately.

Which is when I realized that I'm not actually searching for any of these things specifically. I'm seeking -- instead -- internal change and some fundamental lifestyle shifts that go far beyond diet and exercise. From the inside versus the outside. A spark, too.

I took some time to allow myself to have a long internal conversation. I took a piece of paper and wrote down the things about my life that leave me uninspired or frustrated or those areas where I'd like to focus on growth and development.

I limited myself to the top 10 and then decided I'll start small with just five.

In no particular order:

+  +  +  +  + 

#1: Re-examination of my diet. I have been a vegetarian for as long as I can remember. But I haven't always given my body all the things, especially protein, that it needs. If I want to continue to be meat-free, I need to take the effort and energy to eat the foods that best feed my body and brain. 

Plan: I am going to approach this one through my love for cooking. It's easy to fall into a rut when it comes to making food. In my case, I've not been prioritizing it enough -- leaving dinner until the later hours and sort of snacking through my day. Through reconnecting with my love for cooking (and hopefully learning some new techniques and  recipes along the way), I hope to more naturally fall into a groove of healthier eating versus saying NO sugar, NO alcohol, NO this or that. Food is fun, no?

+  +  +  +  + 

#2: Rejuvenation of my social life. In many ways, being a mom is great socially. I have some nice mom-friends. When I left my full-time job, however, I sort of became a hermit. I often turn down opportunities to connect with other people or take the effort it takes to go out and seek new friendships. Part of this is my own long-standing introvert status. Part of it is falling out of habit.

Plan: Start saying YES when it comes to invitations. Start making the effort to drive more and connect with my friends who might not live in my city. Make more phone calls instead of emails. I may even quit Facebook for a while and see if that helps me go from virtual staying-in-touch to actual getting together, etc. This is particularly difficult for me, but whenever I do see my friends, I am infinitely happier.

+  +  +  +  + 

#3: Cultivation of my professional life. I have some great gigs going, but at the end of the day I'm often left wondering where I'm headed career-wise. I would love to make freelancing a real THING. I mean it is already, but I could be doing more and learning more. In addition, I have also wanted to explore some different careers for when our children are in school and I might want to do something outside the home.

Plan: Start a list of books and resources for freelancing and READ them. Reach out to my friends who are already successful and getting published online or elsewhere. I'm interested in writing about food, but I have a degree in writing and am excited to see what other avenues I could explore with it. In addition to all of this, I want need to carve out a proper office space for myself. Even if it's a corner of a room.

+  +  +  +  +  

#4: Action toward more financial freedom. I think my biggest source of stress on a daily basis has to do with money. Whether I'm making enough money. Or if we're spending too much money. We have our good times and bad times. We don't have credit card debt, but our student loans are heftier than most and things that sounds interesting + cute like a $50 grocery budget should really be happening more practically than just in theory. We are still in good shape with our savings, but after a few home projects this summer, I feel like we're slipping down the slope.

Plan: I'd like to revisit our budget and track our expenses again for a couple months. I'd like to see if there are any areas where we could modify our current spending habits. Including the possibility of downsizing our home to save $$$ each month without much effort (though this might not be possible because we recently refinanced, hmmm). In addition, I'd like to be more mindful of the money we spend on weekends and stop using "good months" as an excuses to spend more money when we should be saving instead.

+  +  +  +  + 

#5: Giving in and trying something new. (Oops, broke parallel structure there!) So, yeah. I am always searching, but never actually doing. Marveling at the things other people do. Saying "I could do that" or "I WANT to do that." I would like to stop sitting on the sidelines and explore my interests. I know I have limited time and resources, but there are plenty of opportunities for personal growth and enjoyment all around me. I just need to seize the day, I guess.

Plan: Find one new activity or class or group or something else to try out and stick with it for a while. This one's the biggest open-ended of the items I wanted to tackle on my list. So, I haven't given specifics except I need to figure it out before Stephen returns to work in September.

+  +  +  +  +  

What I realized through all of this "work" is that I'm not a sad person. In fact, I am happy with my life in so many ways. It's more of a unfulfilled feeling. I think with having a child, deciding to work from home, and not having an easy transition with it all, I've done OK, but I'm ready to start thriving again.

Still, I cycle between stress and then avoidance, leading eventually to more + more stress and very little progress. I'm not investing a lot of time into myself and the areas where I am investing (mostly exercise and work), I'm reaping little reward when it comes to how I feel.

Except for being a mom to this awesome girl. But I know it's more than healthy to want to be more than a mom at this stage in life. Healthy for me. Healthy for our whole family.

And so much of health is mental, isn't it?


I'm sure you were expecting some type of post like this since I turned 30 on Sunday. It actually wasn't that big a deal. It just got me thinking about time and my role in my own life. Though I am always looking for outside change, ultimately I will need to either go and MAKE those changes or see if whatever it is could be solved inside my head.

And that's how I'd like to spend my next decade.  

How about you?

Like what you just read? Browse more of our posts + recipes on Pinterest. You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Transitions + Constants

I told you I was going to start writing more about what's going on with me in the present. I'll get back to recipes and workouts soon. But here's some of what I promised. A look inside my head.

Whenever I take a look around and feel like my world is falling apart, there's usually some transition to blame. It happened when I left home to go to college. That August, I refused to return my parents' messages on my dorm room answering machine.

I was transitioning into a more independent young adult, and I was a bratty, emotional wreck.

Years later, I broke up with my first long-time boyfriend. Or, rather, he broke up with me in what I now refer to as the infamous "Summer of Darkness". Honestly, the trauma of it all caused a type of selective memory. That's right: I can't even remember much of that summer. Read: Things I fell apart. I got depressed and would fall asleep around 7 PM each day. I'd cry and think exceedingly negative thoughts. How could life go on?

A while later, I graduated from college and was immediately thrust into the working world.


That transition was particularly tumultuous because getting a job was is HARD. And that was before the real problems with the economy. I applied to over 70 positions -- desk, retail, dining, etc. alike -- and tried desperately to stay in the college town I loved while using my degree in Writing. Didn't work out, so I moved back to my hometown and was subsequently sucked into an temporary void.


After 8 months of long-distance dating (yup -- another transitional time), Stephen and I moved in together a year before getting married when I finally landed a job in Ithaca. I'd always imagined living with the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with would be bliss. Instead, we learned a lot more about one another in that year . . . and there were many, many ups and downs, spats and tears.

I could list more (life is nothing but a state of constant change, right?), but I'll skip ahead: Having a baby, now toddler, and leaving a full-time desk job to stay home.


This time around, I am not sad or angry. These situations are things I chose for myself, for my family. And there has been much more joy and good. Still, I am finding my way, my role, my place in all of it. It's entailed struggle. The stuff you've been reading about for the past year.

Add to that helping Ada through her multiple transitions as well. It gets difficult. Every day something is new or different. Challenging.

I suppose I imagined that getting older would magically make these transitions easier. That the experience I've gained with the many changes in my life would help me land gently into the new instead of crashing down into the thick of it. I learned over the past year that -- though I am certainly wiser -- transitions and their enormity change over time. Yes, I may know better ways to deal with and understand them, but the nature of the beast is the same.

Which gets me to something positive and productive: Constants. There were times throughout all of these events and situations when I had people or places or things pull me up, help me out, and put things into perspective.

What do I mean? Basic stuff. Things like diet and exercise and writing are constants for me.


Constants are the types of things I have relative control over, things that have the ability to lift my spirits and heal me whether physically or emotionally. Of course, this control can be taken too far, but for the purpose of this conversation, I mean things we choose to have in our lives for good, that are always there, and that we feel our happiest and healthiest by doing habitually.

For me, eating well and moving my body has helped me in many ways process my new roles. Writing has helped me express my feelings related to it all. It isn't always easy, but I have promised myself that continuing to keep these things in my life, I can find solace in the occasional frequent insanity.

When I have a bad day, I can definitely get overwhelmed and negative . . . hell, I have entire weeks like that, even. But if I can continue to hold onto the good in my life, the things that make me feel my best and bring out the best in me, I can usually see things differently. I can continue healthy habits, and I can even hold onto ME in the process.

Yeah. The people I meet, the situations in my life, and the other external influences are all things I cannot control. And yet that brings to mind another big constant: ME. Who I am. Though I'm always changing (I mean LOOK at me a few years ago!), I am always here for me. I just need to take the time to recognize it.


Looking back on all of these crazy times in my life, I can't help but see the good in all of it. Really, seeing the good is something I'm trying to do more and more each day -- a lesson I've learned through much practice, I'll tell you. The power of positivity should never be diminished.

There was a lot of heartache and difficulty, but I am a much stronger person. I can see a wider range of what people around me go through, what they feel. I know that the same will hold true for my most recent transitions and those many more that will inevitably come in time.

Oh, and that breakup with my crappy boyfriend was seriously one of the best things that ever happened to me.

What are some constants in your life? Those things that have helped you through transitions? (I can get carried away in my longer writing. I may not be using terminology perfectly in this instance, but "constant" is what seems to best express what I mean in this moment.)

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Weekends Off?

Another day. Another early start. Another morning walk. Another healthy breakfast. Zero time online last night from 6 pm till bedtime. So far, keeping up with my goals is working well. Now I'm facing the weekend.

Oh, to be 1993 again.

Every time I've gotten into healthy eating habits in the past, I've followed a "weekends off" approach where I basically stuff myself on everything sweet, cheesy, bready on Friday night through Sunday. I then resume healthy eating bright and early Monday morning.

I make it sound awful, but really -- it kept me relatively on track because I didn't seriously gorge myself, but I would definitely indulge enough to feel satisfied. I didn't make up this approach myself. I learned it a long while ago in one of my favorite healthy eating books, The Weekends Off Diet (the book is I am apparently so old, it's no longer in print).


I'm thinking this time around, though, I may try to stick it out and continue eating sensibly all seven days of the week. This means none of this "good" or "bad" day stuff, but -- instead -- filling my belly with more greens, proteins, etc., so maybe I'll have room for only 2 huge slices of pizza instead of 4 for dinner.

However, if those pieces of pizza are homemade and piled high with veggies, avocado, etc., maybe 4 pieces as a meal isn't so bad after all.

Do you practice a weekends-off? Even if you don't set out to, do you tend to indulge more on weekends anyway?


GOAL #4: Roll with it. I used to be much better at accepting unpredictability. Like in college. I'd cruise through my days and take what came at me -- and often that led to good opportunities. I got everything done but had fun at random intervals in between.

When I started working my offices jobs (and I had many different ones), I became a slave to my Outlook Calendar. Over time, I grew to love those little reminders. I'd enjoy chunking -- yeah, chunking --  out my day and getting certain tasks done.

Tuesday mornings were for catching up on my inbox, for example. I had a meeting every Thursday afternoon from 2 till 4. And that routinized approach continued when I left the office. Come home. Go for a run. Cook dinner. Relax. Sleep 8 hours. Wake. Breakfast. Etc.


These days, being at home with a baby means a loose structure for multiple reasons I've already listed way too many times. Working from home, too, isn't exactly a 9 to 5 sort of deal. But I'm still craving that chunking of my time. Knowing what to expect and not having interruptions.

Yeah. That won't happen again for a while. It's been a major source of frustration for me and even leads in anger in extreme cases. Certainly I need to address this. So, I know I can't change my personality, but I can change how I'm dealing with situations and try to find a happy medium.

So, I don't know what exactly I'll do yet, but some of you have suggested that list-making is good. I had many, many lists when I was working, and I definitely think it would help. Even something small like "diaper laundry" that I could cross off. Blocking off certain general ranges of time for tasks could be motivating, too.

And in all of this, taking advantage of time when Stephen is home or when my parents can watch Ada might help me if I set a certain goal for me-time. I do get ample time to run, which is great. But I think if I had another activity outside of that, I'd feel more accomplished and fulfilled.

Wow. Sounds much sadder than it actually is. I've come to understand that sometimes my words paint a darker picture than reality. Transition this year has been a challenge, but not necessarily a bad one.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Rave Run

It's been rainy the last two days. I don't love running in the rain, but I don't hate it either. I deal. My recovery from the half marathon (recap tomorrow) has been slow. I've run an easy 3 and now 4, but don't plan on pushing daily mileage higher than that until next week.

Our neighborhood is residential with a mix of some smaller city-ish streets toward downtown. The city is trying to finish final repairs before the weather gets chilly, so a lot of the scenery looks like this right now.

Sometimes, though, I like to pretend that I live where there are tons of parks and trails. I head to this cemetery about a mile from our house. The loop is around a mile with a mix of pavement, dirt, and cinders. I sometimes do the loop a few times if I need a break from traffic and ugly buildings.

I'm not one to take photos during races or workouts, but today, I just had to. The leaves are falling like crazy, and I know they'll be gone before I have time to fully appreciate them. I did my first loop and then jogged home to get my phone.

I guess this is my rave run.


For dinner, we had stuffed peppers and brown ale. These four are just my portion -- and we still have leftover filling! I always make way too much. Hopefully Ada will enjoy it for lunch tomorrow.

Also, I need to start using my DSLR again. The iPhone is appealing, but these photos are awful. Sorry!


In accordance with my new less-is-better internet goal, I'm going to sign off and spend some quality time with Stephen. And maybe eat some more leftover Spelt Cornbread!

'Night, all!

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Spelt Cornbread

Guess who got a walk in yet again this morning!

We went a bit farther than yesterday, too. It feels so amazing to start in the day this way. We recently stopped Ada's 11 PM feed, and I'll write more about it on Writing Chapter Three later today. I'm just hoping her good sleep habits keep on going despite the change. This productivity kick has my mood way improved.

We ate dinosaur kale chips, chipotle tofu "steaks", and spelt cornbread for dinner last night. I'm having my usual eggs and some cornbread again for breakfast, and I'll have another green smoothie for a morning snack.


I vary my diet for obvious reasons, but if there are leftovers I like -- and there are few leftovers I actually enjoy -- I tend to gobble them up. This is the first cornbread recipe I've developed that doesn't have sugar or maple syrup in it. The flavor of the coconut oil and water gives it a light sweetness. However, you may also replace these ingredients with olive oil and plain water.

SPELT CORNBREAD

What you'll need . . .

• 2 cups polenta/corn grits
• 1-1/2 cups spelt flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• Pinch salt
• 1/3 cup virgin coconut oil
• 1 cup coconut water
• 1 cup warm water
• 1 can corn kernels, drained and rinsed well (optional)

Method . . . 

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Spritz a 9 x 13 pan (I used a glass dish) with olive oil.
2. Whisk together the corn grits, spelt flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
3. Melt the coconut oil in the microwave. Then add it to the warm water and coconut water. You need to make sure the water mixture is warm -- I learned the hard way that the coconut oil hardens on contact with cold.
4. Then pour the wet mixture into the dry and mix until well combined. 
5. Fold in the corn kernels and then spread into your baking pan.
6. Bake for 30 minutes, then check the center. It will likely still be gooey. Bake for another 5 minutes and possibly another couple after that, depending on your oven. Bread is done when center is set, but still moist.

GOAL #3: To spin off last night's topic of negative versus positive, I'm trying now to stay positive in all areas, even those I didn't previously expect were getting me down. This includes focusing on the people, places, and things in my life that most matter and letting go of negative connections and influences.

It's a big goal, and something I'll probably write more about eventually.

Strangely enough, many of these mood suckers are related to the time I spend online. Whether it's rolling my eyes at random Facebook status updates, Googling medical issues (remember when the doctor said Ada's head is too big? Yeah. No good.), or stressing because I've let my inbox overflow beyond manageable. Computers are great, but they sure do complicate life.

I'm hoping to cull the loop of websites I visit on a daily basis and limit time online in general. Sitting in a dark corner at 9 PM and mindlessly surfing isn't benefiting me any -- even if I am reading news or useful information. We have an entire bookshelf teeming with books. I have a sewing machine that gets little use. I have a birthday party to plan.

I'd rather be productive with my time. You know, actually MAKE things instead of just pinning them on Pinterest. (Though I can't see cutting out Pinterest!) We'll see how it goes!

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Plus Sign: What I'm Adding

When I'm examining my diet (and life, in general), it isn't always so much about what I need to stop eating or doing. Instead, what I need to add is more of a focus for me. Anyway, I already eat lots of fruit, healthy whole grains, and dairy products.

I've been eating many other things -- mostly from the fats and sugars category -- too.

Cough. Cough.

So, even if I continue eating all the sugar, which I haven't so far -- yay!, greens (and protein, but I'll write about that another day) is what I've needed to add. Sure, I'm trying to tackle my sugar addiction, but rather than dwell on my countless failures, I'd rather think on the positive side.

The easiest way to add greens? Smoothies, of course!


Green smoothies are nothing new. I first learned about the whole concept on Angela's site years and years ago. Since then, I've had many for breakfast and snacks I've even come up with some of my own favorite recipes.

To make this one, blend together the following ingredients:

• 1 cup (or giant fistful) spinach 
• 1 cup frozen pineapple 
• 1 small, ripe banana 
• 1 cup coconut water
• 4 oz plain low-fat yogurt (I used peach because that's all we had -- baby yogurt!) 

* Feel free to play around with the amounts to make the smoothie consistency to your specific liking. I prefer it a bit thinner than I take pure fruit smoothies.

I'm resisting writing another goal for myself today. I think one is enough to try and incorporate into my life. To recap: I'm trying my best to eat breakfast earlier each day and focus on protein versus carbs. In addition, I'm reexamining my schedule to alleviate some of the work/home multitasking that comes with working from my living room and being a SAHM.

Basic. Simple. And I'm hoping that means sustainable.

Here's to another good day! I'd love to hear how your own adventures are going. Have you set any goals for yourself? How do you plan to stick with them in the long run?

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

It's a Good Morning

I woke up at 7 AM today, which is earlier than normal (I try to sleep as long as Ada will allow me to!), but I used that time wisely and got a good chunk of my work done -- uninterrupted. I also got in a bit of early breakfast (I guess you could call it part 1), some eggs and detox tea.

Yes. Detox tea. Though this plan isn't a detox, I imagine tea can't hurt anything.

When Ada woke up, it was immediately clear that she's teething. She's being very clingy and unhappy. Drooling like crazy. So, despite my attempts to play with her, I decided the best thing to do was swoop her up and take a walk around the neighborhood.

It's chilly and rainy, but a short mile was just what she and I needed.


I'll round out breakfast after I post with oatmeal or a grain of some sort mixed with unsweetened applesauce and some strawberries. I'm also planning to "snack" on a green smoothie before lunch to get in greens.

Speaking of mid-day meals, I'll be eating this hefty bowl of leftover miso stew from last night's dinner. And definitely a few more Chocolate-PB Energy Balls.


I loosely followed this recipe, but made the following modifications.

• Low sodium vegetable stock in place of water
• Peas in place of broccoli
• Juice of half a lemon versus ginger (I didn't have any)
• Added 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper for heat
• Omitted cilantro
• Omitted rice vinegar
• Increased the volume of everything a bit to yield more stew

GOAL #2: I'd like to experiment with new structure(s) for my day. Getting some work done before Ada woke up was a huge help. (I didn't think I could because much of what I do is posted in a time frame that works better for the west coast.) I don't feel as rushed or split with my attention for any of my responsibilities today.

This meant time for taking a short morning walk outdoors. I take lots of walks, but starting the morning off this way is the best. Fresh air is going to become increasingly more important as we head into the winter months. Also, I think one reason I've been eating poorly and feeling stressed has to do with feeling overstretched. I need to reevaluate the way I'm spending my time.

Right now, Ada's napping and I'm not furiously trying to finish up anything with a deadline. I get a breather or some time to actually cook, clean, pay bills, etc. That sounds rather old-fashioned, but part of staying home is keeping the house running smoothly. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed of that. After years of chaos, it's a nice change.

In short: I've always prided myself on my ability to multitask, but there's a calm in being able to focus on single things, even if it's only from time to time.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

Chocolate-PB Energy Balls

After a good morning, my day got even better. My parents offered to watch Ada this afternoon so I could go grocery shopping alone. It was glorious. I'm sorry to say I didn't exactly stick to our usual budget. We've been running low of staples for a while now, so I decided to get them all in one big shop.

Our refrigerator is stuffed to the gills with what I'm hoping is enough food for two weeks.

Since I had a late breakfast, I also had a late-ish lunch, which wasn't anything remarkable: A large sweet potato stuffed with a black bean-veggie mix and a bit of cheese broiled on top. I'll post a recipe later in the week because I plan to have it again.

I like to eat snacks throughout the day, too.  I'll admit, though, that lately that snack has either been Goldfish or Reese's peanut butter pumpkins. Plural. I don't mind indulging, but my habit was getting ridiculous.

So, I wanted to try and get my fix in a slightly healthier way. I'm a huge fan of homemade energy chunks. Done!


CHOCOLATE-PEANUT BUTTER ENERGY BALLS

Toss the following ingredients into your food processor:

• 1 cup rolled oats (uncooked)
• 1/2 cup natural no-stir peanut butter
• 1/4 to 1/3 cup pure maple syrup
• 1/4 to 1/2 cup dried cranberries
• 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

Method . . . 

1. Pulse all ingredients until they form into a thick batter/ball. 
2. You may adjust the consistency by adding more maple syrup, but start with just 1/4 cup and go from there. 
3. Then scoop out balls using a tablespoon measure. 
4. Roll in the palm of your hand. Store in the refrigerator in an air-tight container for up to 2 weeks.

These may just be a cookie in disguise. Something I made to seem healthy, but really isn't. I don't know. At least the ingredients are simple and the sugars can be more easily digested/processed by my body. Now I just need to stay away from the candy aisles until after Halloween.

I'm so glad that some of you have decided to join me in making your own strides toward health and happiness in a new way. I find that the first two days are usually pretty easy for me. It's sticking with it that's the hard part.

A miso stew is on tap for dinner. I'm also hoping to get in a solo walk of 3 miles or so later this afternoon. Maybe even a few sun salutations if I'm feeling particularly inspired. My legs are definitely feeling the race, so whatever I do will be easy. And beyond all things food and exercise, I'd like to organize our mail tonight. It's been hanging over my head for a few weeks now.

Have a lovely evening. And if you'd like to read a bit about our weekend, check out Writing Chapter Three.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...

New Leaf: First Morning

In the spirit of my New Leaf plan, I thought I'd do less formal blog posting this week. Sort of an up-to-the minute report of what I'm eating or doing, etc. We'll see if that works out with my schedule, but it's what I'd like to do. I think it might help me stay on track.

For example, all I have to say right now is that Monday is going well. I woke up and drank a large mug of White Tea.

I am super sore from yesterday's half marathon (recap soon -- Stephen came in 3rd overall!), which included over 800 feet of climbing. I've often read that white tea is anti-inflammatory. Hoping it helps me both inside and out.

Then I got in a late breakfast. Starting with eggs.


Two of them from our lovely farm (you may remember that we visited and even met these chickens not terribly long ago). Over easy and slathered in hot sauce.

Served with quinoa and broccoli.


GOAL #1: Find time to make breakfast each day. OK. I already DO that, but I want to make it earlier so it isn't after 10 AM. Between getting my work done and taking care of Ada, I usually don't eat until at least 10 AM when she goes down for a nap. If I make it the night before or do something simple like frying eggs, it should be easier.

This point has been a major downfall with my eating. Like if I had to name one thing that was my biggest problem, breakfast would be it. I'm still learning the at-home mom with a part-time job balance. I'd grab some bread or even a cookie, and it would start my day off on a bad note. Already I've noticed my head feels clearer having put emphasis on protein so early in the day.

And I'd like to elaborate more on why this plan isn't a detox. You'll see that I am eating very detox-y foods. However, I don't want to cut out all bread, sugar, dairy, etc. I am hoping instead to incorporate more plant-based meals to refocus my attention on veggies, protein, and a wider variety of carbs. You know. Stuff besides delicious, crusty breads.

It's trial and error.

I find when I go all or nothing with anything in my life -- especially diet -- I set myself up for failure, both mentally/emotionally and physically. I am considering racing running another half marathon in two weeks, so I need to eat a good mix of proteins, carbs, fats, fruits, and veggies. But hopefully less carbs and fats than I have been, since I've been relying on them almost entirely.

What healthy decisions have you made already this morning?

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

Read more...