TTC #3 // Reader Q+A

I have less than a week until my fertility consultation with my new doctor. I've gotten a few questions and general comments (via Instagram -- that's the best place to reach me these days) throughout my blogging about our desire to add another child to our family. I thought I'd do a quick post to hit on the major questions and themes. I'm trying not to dwell on it so much, but I also would rather get my thoughts out into the open.

Side note: I took this photo a REALLY long time ago right after I had graduated college. This pregnancy test washed up on the shore of Cayuga lake (don't pollute, people!). Seeing it felt so scandalous at the time. And now I've probably taken like 1,000 of these!

Q1: Why do you want a third child when you have two healthy kids?

This one came from someone who did not mean it in a flippant or disrespectful way whatsoever. It's a valid question, and it's one I ask myself on a daily basis. I've said it before, but I'll mention it again: We aren't trying for a boy, so that plays no role whatsoever. I do occasionally have doubts about my ability to raise three children, to afford them, to provide the best life for them. I waver. Sometimes I feel like it'll be amazing -- why worry? Other times I see myself falling short and think I should reevaluate.

There's just this tugging that both Stephen and I feel. I have chatted with older people who are well beyond their childbearing years. My own grandparents are included in this set. The resounding advice I have received has been to go for it. That we won't regret having another child if that is what we feel strongly in our hearts would make our family "complete". Some of these people decided against it and forever have wondered what would have been.

At the same time, we aren't dead-set on three at all costs. I have yet to get pregnant. I feel afraid I may have miscarriages again. And if that situation happens again, I don't know if I'll want to put myself or my family through it. What I can tell you is that going through such loss did strengthen our desire to add to our family . . . but it's a delicate balance to account for what we "want" and what is "good" for us. Does that make sense?

Q2: Have you had your thyroid checked?

Not recently. But that wasn't my issue before. It's something I'm asking about, and I do think it's part of the regular infertility workup.

Q3: Are you on X, Y, Z supplement?

I had been taking royal jelly and COQ10, but I've stopped all supplements for the time being. I was also practicing seed cycling but have decided to give that a rest as well. I had an issue when I was trying to get pregnant with Eloise where my ovulation wasn't happening until later than ideal (past day 20 in my cycle) and my luteal phase was maybe 9 days at best.

Being on progesterone has my cycles incredibly predictable and "normal". I ovulate between days 12-14 and have a 14-16 day luteal phase. That's about as textbook as it gets. As a result, I don't necessarily see the need to use supplements, because the purpose of many for me was regulation of cycle. That said, I do know that some may help with egg quality, but I first want to discuss them with the doctor.

Q4: Do you worry about medical issues with another child?

This question comes from my own mother. Obviously, with Ada's medical history -- it's a concern. We also have a genetic heart condition that runs in both sides of the family. My dad had open-heart surgery to correct his aortic stenosis that was caused by a bicuspid valve a little over a decade ago. Another close relative on my mother's side has a similar condition.

Here's something we all know: I have anxiety. And of course this is something (among many things) I do worry about. Ada's surgeon assured us that the issue she had (a very large, benign arachnoid cyst) is a fluke. It's not genetically inherited. I've read anecdotal evidence to suggest otherwise, but I am trusting the doctor on this one.

So, the answer to whether I worry is both yes and no. There are so many unknowns that come with having another child. I just watched a YouTube video from a mother who almost died during delivery -- so all of these things do run in my mind. It can be serious, scary stuff. Again -- my heart is telling me to forge ahead.

Q5: Are you worried about being over 35 soon?

This question has come from a few people because much of the literature you find will have age 35 as this big cutoff point with fertility. There are so many studies on this and so many medical opinions. What I've gathered from a lot of reading is that fertility rates don't necessarily decline quite as rapidly as we're lead to believe at 35. At 40 they may even be better than we often hear about. That said, the fact remains that there are fewer eggs and more of them are abnormal as the years tick on.

I do feel weird sometimes when I think about having another baby in my belly . . . as I look at all the newly sprouted grey hairs on my head. But I was chatting with another "geriatric" mom who is trying to conceive last night. It is what it is. In a "perfect" world, I wanted to be done having babies by now, but I also lost a good 18 months during TTC#2. We don't have control, and I know plenty of mamas who have had healthy babies after 35 and after 40.

Q6: What TTC supplies do you use?

• I have this basal thermometer for daily tracking.
• I have read this book many times -- Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
• I use this gigantic package of OPKs and Pregnancy Tests.
• That said, I also stock First Response tests because they're the most accurate.
• I track everything for free in the Fertility Friend App. 
• I take Nature Made Prenatal Vitamins. I also take D3, baby aspirin, and folic acid.
• We do also use Pre-Seed, but after four cycles . . . it isn't magic for us.
• I had been using royal jelly in honey. I recommend it (here's why), but check with your doctor.

Q7: You've only been trying six months, why are you seeing a doctor so soon?

My midwife recommended after being on progesterone for four months that I get checked out. My cycles, as I mentioned, are extremely predictable. I'm using ovulation strips and temperature charting, and nothing is happening. We had tried two months with all these tricks before the meds as well, so that is where the six months is coming from. I will turn 35 in July, and most advice you'll see suggests to be checked after 6 months if you're over 35. Since I'm close to that cut-off and have previous infertility issues, I figure it's better to get checked sooner rather than later.

This isn't to say I'm jumping into fertility treatments. I mostly need guidance on whether or not to continue using progesterone in the way I'm using it. I also need a new prescription. Beyond that, I just want to get baseline tests and make a relationship with a new doctor. I'd also like to arrange to have blood pregnancy tests at the end of each cycle. If you've ever done progesterone, there's always this nagging feeling that MAYBE you ARE pregnant and the test just isn't picking it up yet. I'd like to eliminate the maybe.

Those are the questions I've had the most of. If you guys have any others, let me know in the comments below!

In general, I am writing about this process because I like reading about what others are going through. Before we had our own struggles, I had no idea how hard it can be to get and stay pregnant. I want to be as authentic a voice for this process as I can be. So, that's that!

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Good Question: Fitness While Working 9-to-5

Maggie writes: "I'm a pretty casual runner. I jog for fun, usually with my dog, and take my time. Ideally, I run about two miles three or four times per week with an additional warmup and cooldown. This casual running (in combination with yoga and lifting) seems to keep me healthy, happy, and in shape."

"As a newbie to the 9-to-5 scene, I've found that I don't have the time I need to get my workouts in. Would it be as healthy and effective to run every weekday (Mon-Fri) for a shorter distance in order to maintain my sanity?"

The question Maggie poses is an important one. And it gets at a deeper issue close to my heart. Working a full-time job is difficult and, at times, disheartening when there's the desire to keep up life outside the office. Even more difficult is maintaining good nutrition and exercise habits -- as well as good mental health -- when logging long hours in a cubical. E.s.p.e.c.i.a.l.l.y when it's a first "real" job. (I wrote a bit about this balancing act in Staying Healthy While Working Full Time.)

But back to Maggie's specific question. Is it effective to run a shorter distance every day of the week versus running a slightly longer distance fewer days? My initial answer begins with a bit of a question. What are you looking to accomplish with your running?

Say you run 10 miles per week. As we see it, it doesn't matter exactly when you run those miles. You're still getting the overall benefit of the total.


So, if your running routine is more for the mental health benefits, do whatever you can to get out there more often and reap those stess-relieving rewards. To vary the routine a bit, consider taking some days slow, some days fast, and others with some brief intervals (30 seconds fast, 30 seconds slow, for example).

However, if you are running for your sanity and looking to enhance your fitness level, I'd suggest another approach.


Say your goal is to eventually run a 5K race. Or improve your time at the distance. It'd be a good idea to slate 3 or 4 days of the week as training days. Concentrate your running efforts on those days -- varying your routine as suggested above, or by following a training plan. Boost your mood on the "off" days by taking walks during your breaks or at lunchtime. Walking can be just as freeing as running.

Sometimes putting yourself on a plan will help you find a way to carve out more time for training. Or it'll motivate you on days when the stress of work is all-consuming.

Does anyone else have suggestions for Maggie? Ultimately, I have found that experimentation with different routines helps me find my stride -- quite literally. So keep at it, Maggie!


And if you have a question, check out our FAQ page. You can ask us anything!

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FAQ Post #1: Who ARE the (never home)makers?

What are you day jobs? And how do you find time to exercise, bake, cook, decorate, and blog?

This one’s a two-parter. First: Stephen is a high school English teacher – focused primarily on 11th and 12th grades and SAT prep. I’m the admin assistant to the director of libraries at our local university – focused primarily on assisting the director with various tasks, as well as public relations and facilities projects. I also worked for several years in marketing/communications.

How we find time to do everything we do. Well, that’s difficult. We’re not perfect at it. And from reading this blog, it may seem that we’re scheduling geniuses. We’re not. Blogs can make lives seem oh-so wonderful.

• With exercising – I’ll have to say we find time for that because when we don’t run, we go crazy. Stephen more than me on this one, but if I need to, I get up at 5AM to squeeze in a run. When we were training for the marathon, we each followed a specific plan . . . and when I missed a workout, I’d get scared I wasn’t going to be on target to finish the event. So I’d run my scheduled workout whenever I found time. For those long runs, we pretty much modified our lives for a few months. Every Saturday night, we’d be in bed by 9:30PM. Every Sunday we’d rise early to beat the summer heat . . . and then spend between 2 and 3 hours running, eat for an hour, and then spend most of the rest of the day on the couch. Needless to say, we didn’t have a huge social life. But it worked. Now that we’re training for a half, we feel like we have all the time in the world.
• With baking and cooking – we have to eat, so, we have fun with it. My weekends are the time I do most of my “showcase” cooking and baking for the blog. I can squeeze in something delicious on Friday night (a new dinner, perhaps – like our favorite pizza), then rise Saturday morning and make some type of dessert (like this week’s coconut-purple sticky rice tart). We do go out during the day . . . but when we get home later in the afternoon – again – we have to eat. I mostly find time for all the culinary stuff because for me it’s super fun. I’m always craving something. And I don’t mind being in the kitchen for a few hours. During the week is a different story. We tend to eat simple meals . . . and I’ll get crazy urges to bake usually on Wednesday or Thursday nights (like last week’s bagel recipe). But – most of what you see on this blog happens on the weekends. AND I’m fortunate to be have a rather large library of recipes from my old blog – I’ve been sprinkling those in every now and again.
• Decorating is another activity mostly relegated to weekends. We don’t do it all the time. But we have a list of projects we’d like to complete (like our big entryway redo), and when the stars (and our bank account) align, we go all in and spend an entire day doing a huge project. Otherwise, I just love to shop, so I’m a frequent Home Goods customer. Little things here and there (like a new mirror, throw, or small decorative item) can make a huge impact on a room.
• Ah, blogging. This is an activity I do when the sun isn’t up – either really early before or after work. I write most of my posts during these times and then publish on breaks or lunch during work. It’s exhausting at times – but I was a writing major in college, so I feel my capacity for writing TONS of stuff is somewhat higher than it might be for others. All those long research papers and essays. It’s like running a marathon, really. I’ve done all the training, so my endurance is higher.
  

I'm a sucker for a good "how we met" story, so I'd love to know how you two found each other!

(Above is one of the first photos we have together. Aww. How embarrassing!) Stephen and I met through my friend Rachael when I was a senior and he was a junior in college. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. It was the summer before we entered that year. Anyway, Stephen was working as a barista at this café downtown, and I was just getting over this horrible breakup. When I met him (for seriously 10 minutes at most), I thought he was cute, but was so crazy-depressed from my previous relationship; I didn’t give it much thought. That, and he had a girlfriend, and I simply don’t go there.

Fast forward a semester – we’re in January now – and I was working at our college’s writing center. Stephen popped by one day to say hello. We hadn’t really seen each other since the summer, so I didn’t even remember his name. But there he was again. Still cute, and I was over my previous relationship at that point. We started hanging out in a group with, again, my friend Rachel. Went to a couple concerts. That turned into us hanging out solo a few times. But our first “date” was on February 11th 2005. It was supposedly a friend date – we hit up the Salvation Army, then planned to get dinner. But when we stopped by his café first and he got me a heart cookie – I knew what the deal was (as if the fact that our "date" was so closed to Valentine's Day wasn't enough to tip me off). We’re actually thinking about recreating our first date for Valentine’s day this year. We went to my favorite Thai restaurant for appetizers. Then out to our favorite Korean place for dinner. Dessert was the cookie (and sadly, that café is no longer open). And then we went back to my place to play scrabble and drink wine.



And that was that. People are surprised to find out that we got engaged THREE MONTHS after our first date. When I think about it, it blows my mind that we’re still together. But when something's right, it’s right. We did long distance for a year while Stephen finished up his degree and I moved home to get my first job. Then I moved back to Ithaca . . . and we got married in September 2007.



What is your typical day like?

• 5AM to 5:30AM: Reluctantly greet the day.
• 5:30AM: Write blog post, format, and publish – all while drinking a HUGE mug of herbal tea.
• 6:30AM: Run (though sometimes I don’t quite get up at 5:30, so running is after work those days)
• 7:50: Shower, eat breakfast (usually a powerhouse smoothie), and rush to work
• 9AM to 5PM: Work. Post on breaks and during lunch.
• 5:30PM: Run (as mentioned above, if I don’t get it together in the morning) or cook something/take a million photos/and watch Anthony Bourdain on Roku. OR on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we go to yoga until 6:30, get home by 7.
• 7PM: Check blog stats. (And eat dinner/watch Bourdain if it’s a Tuesday/Thursday)
• Read at some point (usually research recipes, etc.)
• 10PM to 10:30PM: Go to BED.

Also what type of camera do you use for all your photos?

I shoot a Nikon D40. For a beginning photographer like me, this DSLR has been GREAT. Eventually, I’d like to get something fancier, but the D40 is affordable, so I don’t mind as much when it’s caked in brownie batter and other foods.

Are coworkers aware/supportive of (never home) maker adventures?

Yes, maybe of my coworkers (at least the ones I routinely talk with) are aware of the blog. (I post updates on our Facebook page regularly, so they can all be in the loop.) I think they’re pretty supportive. They like the recipes, think it’s interesting, and offer help when they can with technical stuff.

So that's our first round of FAQs. Thanks, everyone, for submitted questions to us. Stay tuned for cooking/baking-related answers (we got some great questions!) to come soon-ish. And if you have other stuff you want to know, fire away!

ALSO: If you love us, you can now get your very own "I LOVE (never home)maker [DOT] COM" button (see below). Or it's also on the right sidebar for easy access. <3

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Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

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