My Major Parenting Decisions, Explained

People are nosey by nature. And I'm an open book. I get so many DMs about different lifestyle and parenting choices we've made with people asking why we do it that way, how it works for us, etc. Usually it's people who are mulling over their own decisions and looking to gather info. So, I figured I'd post some thoughts on the questions I get the most frequently. This is just what works for us as a family. It's not what I think everyone should do by any means.

Our kids are vegetarian and always have been.

So many of you asked me yesterday about why our family is vegetarian and if our kids still are or if they're ever eaten meat, etc. Lots of variations on the general theme. I've written about it in the past, but -- in short -- I decided to stop eating meat when I was 13. I never liked meat, so it was purely a dietary preference thing. I haven't eaten meat since and I was vegan for several years in college and different spurts in my twenties. For me, being a lacto-ovo vegetarian works best, which means I eat milk and cheese and eggs, etc. Stephen has been a vegetarian since college, when he actually started as a vegan. He has been vegetarian ever since, but has dabbled in eating fish on occasion. Usually when we're on vacation at the ocean and it is freshly caught that day locally.

We didn't sit down and have a big talk about whether or not our kids would eat meat. It was just this understanding that we have lived a vegetarian lifestyle and eaten primarily vegan and vegetarian foods for a big chunk of our lives. Our kids would follow suit. Ada has had fish but doesn't like it. We feed both girls a lacto-ovo diet because it's what we eat as a family. Neither kid has ever eaten meat. Ada is actually quite opposed. She's getting to the age where she's asking a lot of questions and feels a lot of pride in being a vegetarian.

Now our decision to live this way spans beyond dietary preference. We do appreciate the animal rights, environmental impact, and health benefits of eating this way. It's also cheaper, which is a bonus. This isn't to say I'm forbidding our kids from eating meat, but I do not think I would ever prepare it in the home. But we'll cross that bridge as we come to it. So far, most people in our lives just know we are vegetarian, and it hasn't been an issue. We write it on forms for school and summer camps, and -- just like allergies, etc. -- it's been catered to without any issues.

I have never planned to homeschool.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of homeschooling is very intriguing to me. I love the idea of guiding my kids along their path of learning and allowing a more flexible and, at times, more enriching environment for them to grow their brains and learn about the world. I just think I can do this in addition to a quality public school education.

There is this inherent privilege, though, that comes with being able to homeschool. I feel like it isn't brought up too much. Like, I just know I cannot fully commit to a full course of homeschooling grades K through 12 for my children because -- while I'm not working tons of hours right now -- I know I will want to return to more full-time work in the future. This isn't just for me . . . it's practical for our family that I not leave the workforce for that long. I do work from home now, but I'm hoping to expand on those hours after all my kids are school age.

I can totally geek out when I look at different homeschool curriculums. I love the creativity and space that it allows. The flexibility with scheduling, etc. But honestly, my husband is a public school teacher. For this reason, I do support public education. We moved specifically to a school district that is consistently ranked in the top two in the area (Stephen's school is the other top). Plus, the flexibility is nice . . . but we wouldn't be traveling throughout the year since Stephen's job doesn't allow for time off.

Instead, we try to use our summers to get those less-traditional opportunities. I am hoping whatever job I choose in the future will allow for flexibility in the summers so we can enjoy this time as a family.

I will continue to stay at home/work from home.

Yes. Money. It's not the smartest financial thing, perhaps, for me to be at home with part-time hours. Stephen and I both feel strongly that me being home is important. I see working moms totally rocking their situations, and there are times when I look longingly at the structure their days permit. When my kid is screaming and skipping naps, I wonder what it might be like to be at lunch in my old office in peace and quiet. But I know that working moms deal with so much too, like astronomical daycare costs and feelings of guilt, etc.

It's like a no-win situation. Stephen coaches two sports, which I complain about, but it gives our yearly income a nice boost. Now that we're getting close to paying off student loans and other debts . . . we have more wiggle room. This isn't to say I'm comfortably living large over here. I'll do an updated budget post soon. I cherish this time I get to spend with my kids. I surely complain at times, but I think we all do from time to time.

I do plan to either expand freelancing hours to more full-time or to go back to a FT or PT real-life job when my kids are all in school. But, as I mentioned earlier, I'd like to have a schedule that allows me to enjoy lots of time in the summer with my family.

I cloth diapered, then didn't, but might again.

Several of you have asked if I plan to cloth diaper baby number three. I had plans to do it with Eloise. I did it for nearly a year and a half with Ada. But I got sucked in by the convenience of Aldi diapers. They have worked wonderfully for us, and they don't cost terribly too much. But along the way I have felt guilty tossing out so much trash. Like, really guilty at times. And I look at our budget and how I may need to step back on my freelancing hours . . . cloth may be in our future.

I do have an impressive stash that would work well for the new baby. I think I'll write more about this in a baby-related post. To summarize, I support cloth diapering. But I don't understand people who rave about it. It's poop and pee that you have to get up close and personal with. As much as supporters say it's awesome . . . it isn't, like, FUN. So for me, it would be more out of my feelings of environmental responsibility and money. I wouldn't be giddy about it.

I breastfeed. But it's complicated.

I do also plan to breastfeeding this next baby if I'm lucky. I breastfed Ada for nearly 18 months and I breastfed Eloise to age one. With Eloise, I had lot of difficulty because I felt over-touched a lot. Getting used to the demands after years of independence was hard for me. I have no romantic notions that it will be different this time. But, as mentioned above, to save money I know I will need to fully commit.

That said, I feel better prepared this time around for the challenges I may face. I will try to have a plan in place to make sure I don't get too overwhelmed. This may mean pumping more bottles and trying bottles sooner. This may mean occasional supplementation with formula, which did NOT impact our relationship or my supply whatsoever.

In the end, breastfeeding is a very personal choice. And I feel fed is best. I have absolutely no judgement for women who do purely formula, as I was brought up that way. And I have no judgement for women who allow their kids full access to their boobs at all times. I am a more baby-led, but also mom-allowed breastfeeding. I know that doesn't make sense. But scheduling feeds as soon as we're able helps me with my sanity.

I guess more on this will come in another post as well.

We don't bed-share.

While I love the idea and understand the practicality of bed-sharing, it's not for me. I explained this a bit on Instastories a couple weeks ago. While I do room-in with my babies for up to six months (yay reflux scares!) . . . putting my babies in my bed scares the crap out of me, especially in the beginning. I've experienced sleep paralysis and other weird issues that make me truly feel it isn't safe . . . FOR ME. I don't judge, though, because there were a couple times when Ada was small when it worked out very well to get through a tough night.

But I don't plan to bed-share with our new baby. She will sleep next to the bed in a Pack 'n Play (my neighbor was so kind to give me hers with a bassinet attachment!).

We're having three kids. A "larger" family.

I talk a lot about saving money. So some people -- family included -- have asked why we would add another child to our family is money is a concern. That's complicated. And it's hard to fully explain. First of all, family size is another highly personal issue, despite how visible it is to society. People are always going to comment. But when thought long and hard over whether or not adding a third would be good in our case.

When we were going through infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, our ideas of being a family of five really solidified. We realized that we value the people in our lives more than the things. We may not be jetting off to Disney world. We may not have a fancy van with heated seats, automatic doors, etc. (I've been lusting over these lately!). We may just be camping and living on the simple things in life. But we felt strongly that if we didn't go for number three, we'd regret it.

And that's OK. College is a question some have specifically asked about. This is a HUGE topic, so I'm going to gloss over our thoughts. I do not feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to pay for full college for all my children. I feel it is my responsibility to help my children find their path in life. I'd like them to at least go to community college . . . but I am not going to teach them that a four-year school is THE PATH, as we were taught. My parents generously paid for half my education. I worked and got loans for the rest. And I shouldn't have gone to a private, out-of-state school. It's my responsibility to help guide my kids to better choices that will be good for their education and financial futures.

That said, we truly value education, so we will help our kids with whatever they choose to do.

We let our kids watch television. Sometimes lots of it.

Eloise is watching Sesame Street as I type this blog post. As a work-from-home mom, I have utilized television with both my girls to get things done. I am also very present with them and play with them many hours each day. We spend lots of time outdoors. We go to museums and play centers. But television -- in my humble opinion -- is totally fine.

I don't coach learning at home.

This is getting rather long.  So I'll go over one last topic. Many have asked what I'm doing to teach Eloise things at home. And the answer to this is "nothing specific". With Ada, I definitely went out of my way to be like: "Look at the blue ball. Blue. Can you say blue? Where's the blue ball?" You get the point. Anyway, some of this is OK. And when it arises naturally, sure -- I do it. But I don't work in coaching the alphabet, shapes, etc. throughout the day. Granted Eloise is still young. But I'm in the camp that play gets a lot of this stuff into the mix naturally (we also read lots of books).

So, with Eloise and this future baby girl, I am taking a more relaxed approach. A more learn-by-doing, don't fret the rest approach. I will be sending Eloise to preschool at age three. I may even enroll her in a short program next year for socialization, etc. But I truly feel like young children just need to be young children. We'll sing songs, we'll go out and explore the world, we'll do art projects . . . but we won't sit and do flash cards.

Phew. I feel very much open to judgement now, but I'm OK with that. We all do things the way we do them for a reason. So, it's all good.

* Image source is from Etsy. How cute is that? It's customizable. I may need to get one!

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Embracing the Quiet Box

As I mentioned earlier this week, we've hit a hard spot with sleep recently. I don't get a lot of sympathy on this matter because, well, Ada's four. It's expected that the nap is going to disappear eventually. Kids get up early. Kids don't want to sleep, etc. But -- I mean, c'mon. When you're in a good rhythm and -- all of a sudden -- the morning, noon, and night changes all at once? It sucks!

According to BabyCenter, children age four need between 11-12 hours of sleep each day. It might be divided into 9 to 12 hours of nighttime sleep and between 0-2.5 hours of nap. Of course, these are averages and suggestions. There's no set standard. Knowing that Ada needs 2-3 fewer hours of sleep than she did last year does help me feel better about the change.

But I'm still not cool with losing my me-time. Right? After all, I'm pregnant. I've been particularly exhausted lately. I work from home primarily during preschool and nap times and before wakeup/after bed times. And I know I will soon have a newborn, so we all need all the rest we can get.

I had looked up quiet time boxes on Pinterest back when Ada was two. She had a nap strike back then and I thought it was all over.  

(Side note: First-time moms of younger kids + tots -- don't give up on the nap so easily! All kids are different, and -- yes -- yours might want to give up napping early. But persistence, if you can, is key. Ada had multiple times throughout the years when I thought she'd be done with napping, only to return to months upon months of awesome 2-hour naps up until this stage. Fight the good fight!)


Anyway, I could write a lot about naps. But today I just want to share our quiet box. It's been working really well. Ada's occupied and having fun while I get some quiet time to get stuff done, like work or dinner preparations.

Or while I take a half-nap.
Yeah.
That sounds good.



There are so many ways to do the quiet box thing. Some people have one for each day of the week with different stuff in it. I decided I didn't have the space for that, so:

• I rotate out different things each day. Or not. Usually I try to put at least one different thing in and not everything you see here is in the box at all times. I try to keep it to four or five activities, so as not to overwhelm.
• I also don't go crazy trying to make it endlessly entertaining. I strongly believe it's OK and even GOOD for kids to be bored and to have to come up with new uses for the same old stuff. 
• The same goes with the actual content. You can get really educational or just go with open-ended play. I choose play. Ada gets enough learning at school, and I think she just needs to have the opportunity to be creative, to dwell in her thoughts and imagination.

Other stuff:

• She can only play with the quiet box during those designated quiet times. So, if she wakes up too early, we have an OK-to-wakeup time set, and then she can get the box. She has to at least try to nap before she can play with the box (and yesterday she napped 2 hours -- there are days when she really does still need it!). 
• She has to stay in her room while playing. If she needs assistance with a project, I'll give it to her later, so she just sets it aside. For example, she wanted to make a big ball out of the pipe cleaners today, but she waited and did other things until I could help her.
• Everything in the box needs to be cleaned up before we move on to the rest of the day. If she throws something around or makes a mess, that activity gets taken away.

 Here's some of the specific things in our box right now:

• Sesame Street Slide-and-Learn Flash Cards
• Barefoot Books Yoga Deck
• Dollar Store Coloring Books
• B. Toys Pop-Art Beads
• Crayons (less mess than paint or markers)
• Melissa + Doug Water Wow Books
• Books
• Popsicle sticks with velcro to make shapes
• $1 Spot "Lego" Blocks from Target
• Lots of pipe cleaners
• Shapes made from a stack of felt
• $1 Spot Felt Animal and Shapes from Target
• Child-safe scissors
• Strips of Rick-Rack and ribbon for whatever

So far this system is working out well for us. I'd love to know if you do something similar. I'd also love suggestions for things to put in the box, ways to deal with super random sleeping times (wakeups/bedtimes are all over the place -- I'm sure we're just in a big transition), and anything else related to preschool age sleep.

HAPPY FRIDAY! And don't forget to enter the $75 PinkBlush #giveaway!

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The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep // Review

Ada is now four years old. And I wish I could say that our bedtime routine is down to a science. The thing is, with every new stage and every new age, we have faced different challenges. When Ada was a tiny newborn, it was figuring out why she was crying. As an older baby, she’d wake in the middle of the night and not want to go back to sleep. The toddler years were a mix of good and bad, solid months of shut-eye were interspersed with months of frequent wakings and bedtime resistance.

At the preschool stage, it’s the willpower that’s the most difficult to overcome. Ada has definite opinions on if and when she’s tired. She’ll flat out tell us she’s not going to sleep. Or she’ll get all cozy and then have us up in her room 10,000 more times before she’ll actually go to sleep. It’s an ongoing battle, and I won’t lie: There are nights we just dread bedtime.

And we even have a consistent routine!


BlogHer and Random House Children's Books gave me the opportunity to review The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep -- #1 International Bestseller / New York Times bestseller -- by Carl-Johan Forssén Ehrlin and illustrated by Irina Maununen. I had actually read a few articles (including this one on HuffPost) and reviews of this book in the last several months -- so I knew I just had to see what it was all about.

My first impression of the book is that it was super cute and quite long. Ada’s attention span is good, but I didn’t know if we’d make it through the whole thing. But I quickly learned that’s not the point. What I found is that there’s a method of reading the text that helps lull your kids to sleep. In fact, I’ve read that some kids can only make it a few pages without falling asleep!

For example, anything that’s bolded is meant to be read in a strong, emphasized tone. The stuff in italics? Read it quietly and slowly. You can definitely pick up on the calm with the rhythm and cadence of the words. The author has even described the text as a verbal way to rock your child to sleep. I totally see that and feel that when I read it.

Heck -- I get tired!


Does it work?

It definitely helps. Ada didn’t magically fall asleep while we were reading the book or anything like that (I never thought she would -- she can’t even sleep if we’re in the room). But what it does is assist with is that difficult transition between waking and sleeping. The whole calming phase.

I love how the book puts Ada in the story. The nights when we read the book, Ada didn’t ask us to come back up after we turned the lights out. So, I’d consider that a success! It’s certainly a book worth trying and would make an excellent gift for your friends with younger children.

Is bedtime a nightmare at your house? Tell me about it in the comments below for a chance to win a $100 Visa gift card and a copy of The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep.

Visit RabbitGoToSleep.com to check out more about the book. You can also tweet to @randomhousekids using #RabbitGoToSleep.

Entry Instructions:

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You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: #SweepstakesEntry" and "#RabbitGoToSleep"; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
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4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry. 

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older (or nineteen (19) years of age or older in Alabama and Nebraska). Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail.

The notification email will come directly from BlogHer via the sweeps@blogher email address. You will have 2 business days to respond; otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 11/18/15-12/16/15.

Be sure to visit the Random House Children's Books brand page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ posts!

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On the Importance of Sleep

Anyone who knows Stephen knows that he has this ridiculous amount of knowledge about marine life. The other day he mentioned something about how sharks don't sleep (well, at least not how we do) because they must keep swimming. They constantly move, rushing water over their gills to receive oxygen (yeah, to breathe under water). This whole thing blew my mind.

I can't imagine being in non-stop motion. Not sleeping. Yikes!

With all we have written about running and fitness, there's been little on the topic of rest and relaxation. Especially sleep. Sleep is not only necessary, but also amazing -- almost magical. It gives us the opportunity to recharge mentally and physically. Our bodies and minds do a lot of important work in those hours of dark and quiet. We've all read what too little sleep can do to the body -- from increased stress and weight gain to shortened life span and hastened visible signs of aging (source). And runners and athletes need a good night's rest to perform their best in the short and long term.


When I was less athletic, I stayed up late almost every night. Usually till 1:00 AM or so. I would read. Look up stuff online. Hang out with friends. Or even do nothing at all. I just didn't sleep well, nor did I care. When I became more physically active in college, my sleep regulated, but my social life worked against my natural urges. I didn't get nearly enough rest between studying for exams and partying on weekends (OK . . . and week nights). When I graduated, I slept more, but still not enough. No, it wasn't until half marathon and marathon training that I truly understood and appreciated the power of the pillow.

Now, I crave sleep. I need at least 8 hours a night to feel "normal," whatever that means. If I don't get that much time, I feel lousy. And I'm lucky. I live a lifestyle right now that allows me to get a ton of ZZZs on a regular basis. Of course, those of you out there with children are probably laughing right now, and many of the tips I provide may not work for you. For the rest of you, however, despite what you may think, you, too, can find more horizontal time each night.


(Who's that in the photo? It's Steff from Steff Says!) You just need to have the motivation. The dedication. And a few helpful tips. How much sleep you "need" is entirely up to you. The recommended daily amount is anywhere between seven and up to ten hours (depending on a variety of factors, including age and activity level). To find what works best for you, experiment.


#1: Make the commitment to yourself. Sleep is important. We've already covered that. The first step in getting more rest is reminding yourself of this fact (sleep is important, sleep is important, sleep is important) whenever something comes in the way. For example, I often get in the habit of writing posts at night, well into the night. I now have a cut-off time of 9:00 PM so that I can start to unwind . . . disconnect. If I'm not in bed by 10:00 PM on a work night, I know I won't have enough time to get in my "required" 8 hours. However, I've made the commitment to myself that because sleep is important, I will push aside other duties and pursuits in favor of more shut-eye.

Sometimes I have to actually verbalize this commitment to myself if I'm particularly wrapped up in work or another activity. But I've been getting quality rest time for over two years now, and I'm ever-so thankful. If you're having trouble choosing sleep over other stuff, just think about how much better you'll feel with the extra snoozes. Picture yourself waking up the next morning -- do you feel refreshed . . . or not? More than likely, you'll wish you had skipped that late-night celebrity gossip fest. So, turn off the TV and head to bed!


#2: Look at your routine and create a ritual. It's difficult to get in the zone if you're pushing yourself to the max until you go to bed every night. What are you doing in the afternoons and evenings? Is it relaxing stuff . . . or stressful stuff? Are you drinking coffee or alcohol (both may impact your sleep)? Are you bottom-loading your day with social activities out of your house/apartment? Basically, are you setting yourself up for a successful night's sleep? The answer may surprise you.

Along these same lines, if you create a ritual every night (like taking a warm shower 15 minutes before bed . . . drinking some herbal tea . . . reading a chapter of a novel . . . etc.) you'll get your brain in sleep-mode. If your routine involves staring at a TV or computer screen (or iPad), you may want to reconsider. Staring at an illuminated screen -- much like sitting in lit-at-all-hours casinos -- creates this false sense of time. "Melatonin signals are sent through the brain as a response to darkness, telling the body to prepare to shut down for the night" (source). So, if this is part of your night, try to limit your exposure an hour to half an hour before bed.


#3: Rearrange your day. You may save work or other obligations for the night-time hours. You may think you literally don't have time to get in those extra hours you need to feel and perform your best. But think again.

Consider creating a schedule in Excel of your day. Divide the sheet into days of the week and hours of the day. Activities and responsibilities are blocks of time -- usually one or two hours, etc. Work and other items may be constants -- blocks that cannot be moved. But look at where you might be able to shuffle stuff around. Meal times. Exercise times. Hanging-out times. Errand times. Make sure to include in this schedule a nice block of sleep time. You CAN fit it in, it may just take some creative scheduling.


Sometimes the issue is not a matter of trying to squeeze in more time for sleep. No, sometimes getting any shut-eye at all is difficult . . . for a variety of reasons. I've had my fair share of weird no-sleeping spells. In our next post on this topic, we'll cover ways to get over these issues. If you have and of your own tips to add, just leave us a comment or email us at neverhomemaker [at] gmail [dot] com.

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