My Major Parenting Decisions, Explained

People are nosey by nature. And I'm an open book. I get so many DMs about different lifestyle and parenting choices we've made with people asking why we do it that way, how it works for us, etc. Usually it's people who are mulling over their own decisions and looking to gather info. So, I figured I'd post some thoughts on the questions I get the most frequently. This is just what works for us as a family. It's not what I think everyone should do by any means.

Our kids are vegetarian and always have been.

So many of you asked me yesterday about why our family is vegetarian and if our kids still are or if they're ever eaten meat, etc. Lots of variations on the general theme. I've written about it in the past, but -- in short -- I decided to stop eating meat when I was 13. I never liked meat, so it was purely a dietary preference thing. I haven't eaten meat since and I was vegan for several years in college and different spurts in my twenties. For me, being a lacto-ovo vegetarian works best, which means I eat milk and cheese and eggs, etc. Stephen has been a vegetarian since college, when he actually started as a vegan. He has been vegetarian ever since, but has dabbled in eating fish on occasion. Usually when we're on vacation at the ocean and it is freshly caught that day locally.

We didn't sit down and have a big talk about whether or not our kids would eat meat. It was just this understanding that we have lived a vegetarian lifestyle and eaten primarily vegan and vegetarian foods for a big chunk of our lives. Our kids would follow suit. Ada has had fish but doesn't like it. We feed both girls a lacto-ovo diet because it's what we eat as a family. Neither kid has ever eaten meat. Ada is actually quite opposed. She's getting to the age where she's asking a lot of questions and feels a lot of pride in being a vegetarian.

Now our decision to live this way spans beyond dietary preference. We do appreciate the animal rights, environmental impact, and health benefits of eating this way. It's also cheaper, which is a bonus. This isn't to say I'm forbidding our kids from eating meat, but I do not think I would ever prepare it in the home. But we'll cross that bridge as we come to it. So far, most people in our lives just know we are vegetarian, and it hasn't been an issue. We write it on forms for school and summer camps, and -- just like allergies, etc. -- it's been catered to without any issues.

I have never planned to homeschool.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of homeschooling is very intriguing to me. I love the idea of guiding my kids along their path of learning and allowing a more flexible and, at times, more enriching environment for them to grow their brains and learn about the world. I just think I can do this in addition to a quality public school education.

There is this inherent privilege, though, that comes with being able to homeschool. I feel like it isn't brought up too much. Like, I just know I cannot fully commit to a full course of homeschooling grades K through 12 for my children because -- while I'm not working tons of hours right now -- I know I will want to return to more full-time work in the future. This isn't just for me . . . it's practical for our family that I not leave the workforce for that long. I do work from home now, but I'm hoping to expand on those hours after all my kids are school age.

I can totally geek out when I look at different homeschool curriculums. I love the creativity and space that it allows. The flexibility with scheduling, etc. But honestly, my husband is a public school teacher. For this reason, I do support public education. We moved specifically to a school district that is consistently ranked in the top two in the area (Stephen's school is the other top). Plus, the flexibility is nice . . . but we wouldn't be traveling throughout the year since Stephen's job doesn't allow for time off.

Instead, we try to use our summers to get those less-traditional opportunities. I am hoping whatever job I choose in the future will allow for flexibility in the summers so we can enjoy this time as a family.

I will continue to stay at home/work from home.

Yes. Money. It's not the smartest financial thing, perhaps, for me to be at home with part-time hours. Stephen and I both feel strongly that me being home is important. I see working moms totally rocking their situations, and there are times when I look longingly at the structure their days permit. When my kid is screaming and skipping naps, I wonder what it might be like to be at lunch in my old office in peace and quiet. But I know that working moms deal with so much too, like astronomical daycare costs and feelings of guilt, etc.

It's like a no-win situation. Stephen coaches two sports, which I complain about, but it gives our yearly income a nice boost. Now that we're getting close to paying off student loans and other debts . . . we have more wiggle room. This isn't to say I'm comfortably living large over here. I'll do an updated budget post soon. I cherish this time I get to spend with my kids. I surely complain at times, but I think we all do from time to time.

I do plan to either expand freelancing hours to more full-time or to go back to a FT or PT real-life job when my kids are all in school. But, as I mentioned earlier, I'd like to have a schedule that allows me to enjoy lots of time in the summer with my family.

I cloth diapered, then didn't, but might again.

Several of you have asked if I plan to cloth diaper baby number three. I had plans to do it with Eloise. I did it for nearly a year and a half with Ada. But I got sucked in by the convenience of Aldi diapers. They have worked wonderfully for us, and they don't cost terribly too much. But along the way I have felt guilty tossing out so much trash. Like, really guilty at times. And I look at our budget and how I may need to step back on my freelancing hours . . . cloth may be in our future.

I do have an impressive stash that would work well for the new baby. I think I'll write more about this in a baby-related post. To summarize, I support cloth diapering. But I don't understand people who rave about it. It's poop and pee that you have to get up close and personal with. As much as supporters say it's awesome . . . it isn't, like, FUN. So for me, it would be more out of my feelings of environmental responsibility and money. I wouldn't be giddy about it.

I breastfeed. But it's complicated.

I do also plan to breastfeeding this next baby if I'm lucky. I breastfed Ada for nearly 18 months and I breastfed Eloise to age one. With Eloise, I had lot of difficulty because I felt over-touched a lot. Getting used to the demands after years of independence was hard for me. I have no romantic notions that it will be different this time. But, as mentioned above, to save money I know I will need to fully commit.

That said, I feel better prepared this time around for the challenges I may face. I will try to have a plan in place to make sure I don't get too overwhelmed. This may mean pumping more bottles and trying bottles sooner. This may mean occasional supplementation with formula, which did NOT impact our relationship or my supply whatsoever.

In the end, breastfeeding is a very personal choice. And I feel fed is best. I have absolutely no judgement for women who do purely formula, as I was brought up that way. And I have no judgement for women who allow their kids full access to their boobs at all times. I am a more baby-led, but also mom-allowed breastfeeding. I know that doesn't make sense. But scheduling feeds as soon as we're able helps me with my sanity.

I guess more on this will come in another post as well.

We don't bed-share.

While I love the idea and understand the practicality of bed-sharing, it's not for me. I explained this a bit on Instastories a couple weeks ago. While I do room-in with my babies for up to six months (yay reflux scares!) . . . putting my babies in my bed scares the crap out of me, especially in the beginning. I've experienced sleep paralysis and other weird issues that make me truly feel it isn't safe . . . FOR ME. I don't judge, though, because there were a couple times when Ada was small when it worked out very well to get through a tough night.

But I don't plan to bed-share with our new baby. She will sleep next to the bed in a Pack 'n Play (my neighbor was so kind to give me hers with a bassinet attachment!).

We're having three kids. A "larger" family.

I talk a lot about saving money. So some people -- family included -- have asked why we would add another child to our family is money is a concern. That's complicated. And it's hard to fully explain. First of all, family size is another highly personal issue, despite how visible it is to society. People are always going to comment. But when thought long and hard over whether or not adding a third would be good in our case.

When we were going through infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, our ideas of being a family of five really solidified. We realized that we value the people in our lives more than the things. We may not be jetting off to Disney world. We may not have a fancy van with heated seats, automatic doors, etc. (I've been lusting over these lately!). We may just be camping and living on the simple things in life. But we felt strongly that if we didn't go for number three, we'd regret it.

And that's OK. College is a question some have specifically asked about. This is a HUGE topic, so I'm going to gloss over our thoughts. I do not feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to pay for full college for all my children. I feel it is my responsibility to help my children find their path in life. I'd like them to at least go to community college . . . but I am not going to teach them that a four-year school is THE PATH, as we were taught. My parents generously paid for half my education. I worked and got loans for the rest. And I shouldn't have gone to a private, out-of-state school. It's my responsibility to help guide my kids to better choices that will be good for their education and financial futures.

That said, we truly value education, so we will help our kids with whatever they choose to do.

We let our kids watch television. Sometimes lots of it.

Eloise is watching Sesame Street as I type this blog post. As a work-from-home mom, I have utilized television with both my girls to get things done. I am also very present with them and play with them many hours each day. We spend lots of time outdoors. We go to museums and play centers. But television -- in my humble opinion -- is totally fine.

I don't coach learning at home.

This is getting rather long.  So I'll go over one last topic. Many have asked what I'm doing to teach Eloise things at home. And the answer to this is "nothing specific". With Ada, I definitely went out of my way to be like: "Look at the blue ball. Blue. Can you say blue? Where's the blue ball?" You get the point. Anyway, some of this is OK. And when it arises naturally, sure -- I do it. But I don't work in coaching the alphabet, shapes, etc. throughout the day. Granted Eloise is still young. But I'm in the camp that play gets a lot of this stuff into the mix naturally (we also read lots of books).

So, with Eloise and this future baby girl, I am taking a more relaxed approach. A more learn-by-doing, don't fret the rest approach. I will be sending Eloise to preschool at age three. I may even enroll her in a short program next year for socialization, etc. But I truly feel like young children just need to be young children. We'll sing songs, we'll go out and explore the world, we'll do art projects . . . but we won't sit and do flash cards.

Phew. I feel very much open to judgement now, but I'm OK with that. We all do things the way we do them for a reason. So, it's all good.

* Image source is from Etsy. How cute is that? It's customizable. I may need to get one!

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What to Expect When Your Child Goes to Kindergarten

A lot of my fellow 2011/2012 moms are currently filling out paperwork and visiting school open houses in preparation for next year's big move -- kindergarten. I've written about how we live in New York where the age cutoff is December 1. We went back and forth on exactly what to do with Ada.

• Delay preschool/school from the start (she was SO ready at age 3 for preschool!). 
• Another year of pre-K (not in the budget)? 
• Homeschool her for a year (with working from home + infant -- nope). 
• Put her in full kindergarten (I had misgivings due to the schedule, etc).

Looking back, I spent so much time worried about this topic.


When Ada went off to school full time in the fall, I experienced a wild mix of emotions. On one hand, I felt apprehensive about sending a four-year-old off on the bus each morning. I was thrilled she got into the early kindergarten program, somewhat delaying her entrance into the public school system by a year, while also not delaying it at all. (It's a unique offering in our district -- higher level than pre-K, but less demanding than K.) Still, it was a lot going from the summers together to not seeing her between the hours of 8AM and 4PM.

Slowly this routine has become the new normal. It's even worked out quite well now that we have baby sister at home. Ada loves her teacher. She loves her classmates. She loves her school. It's an awesome school. I can't say enough good things. We moved when she was just two specifically to get into this district out of all the districts in our area. When it comes to school, I was just like her. Very eager to be around my friends, learn new things, and just be out in the world. So, while I miss her -- incredibly at times -- I am also happy to know she's happy.

I see it, too. She's different. She's been learning so much being away, being more independent. She's grown tremendously as a result. Sure, there are times when her sensitive nature get the best of her. I think that happens to any kid. But she's confident. She likes her thoughts to be heard -- to share her ever-growing knowledge of what the world is all about. It's exciting to see. It fills me (and Stephen) with a lot of pride. We made this kid, and she's turning out to be fantastically funny, bright, and empathetic.

(She can also read, write, and do all other kinds of nifty things, like mix primary colors to make new colors -- her favorite new project. I don't mean to diminish the academics in this discussion. I am blown away with everything she has learned in such a short time. But -- honestly -- so much of this first year is about the transition. The social and emotional aspects. Fostering confidence and all that jazz.)

But then there are these times when my heart aches beyond aching. She's been having issues with a boy on her bus who's taken to harassing her every. single. day. He even followed her around on the playground yesterday just to bug her. There have been times when I've seen her heart sink because she was so overly excited to tell a friend about, for example, her pierced ears . . . only to have the friend shrug and say effectively, "who cares?" This little bubble I so carefully put her in is slowly weakening. Every situation brings out this inner mama bear mode I didn't know I had.

And -- yes -- I think she'd still be napping two hours a day if she were home with me. She can get extremely tired on the long days, and I feel guilt because so many people I know still have their 2011 babies home. There are times when I hear some new word or phrase I may not want to hear. Or sometimes there's an issue I feel like she's not ready to confront, and I'll try to redirect. It's just a whole bunch of complex stuff . . . and I never quite know what questions the day will bring.

What wisdom can I share about being a new-ish mom to a school-aged kid? Like everything else in life, this is a totally new season. Get ready for it. Your child will probably have things about school that he loves and hates (Ada doesn't love P.E. and can get somewhat upset if it's that day -- like sick-to-stomach). There will also be times when you'll feel so crushed that she has to navigate the cold, scary world (errr, or playground) on her own. You'll likely be shocked at some of the stuff he has heard from other kids. You'll also likely be saddened when you pick up stuff about the lives of other kids that maybe don't have the most supportive home environments.

Most of all, though, you'll get through it. You'll somehow learn how to cope and help your kid with this new phase. I know some of you gals are probably worried. Or maybe you're excited. There's a lot to look forward to. Ada wears her school sweatshirt with pride. She knows people that I don't know. She sees teachers, staff, and friends out and about and gets super excited because she now has her own little world. Oh, that's another cool thing. There is now a whole group of people who care about your child. The teachers and helpers and other parents -- they all care so much. And you end up loving this new village.

When school starts, it starts. From there, everything keeps spinning -- sometimes at a dizzying pace -- and we just go with it. Time, unfortunately, isn't stopping anytime soon. If anything, it is moving faster than ever. Instead of resisting it, I eagerly await learning what each new day brings. I most look forward to that moment when my big girl gets off the bus each afternoon. It's certainly become the golden hour in our home.

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