More Major Parenting Decisions, Explained

You guys really liked when I shared about the reasoning behind some of our most important parenting decisions. So, here's more major decisions and why we've gone the way we've gone. Again -- this is what WE do, not what I think YOU should do. There's no judgement here, so I hope you'll extend the same courtesy to me and my family.

I gave birth without pain medication three times.

But I elected to induce my last baby, so I'm definitely not sharing this as a holier-than-thou kind of thing. It's simply a fact. And I didn't do it out of the purest of intentions either. It was more selfish than anything else. I'm scared of needles and definitely scared of a needle in my spine. I don't like the idea of being numb. It actually freaks me out just thinking about it. I would also say that -- on the whole -- my labors were pretty short. I was pumped full of pitocin the last two times, making the contractions much more intense, but I would rather deal with that over and over and over again than get a needle in my spine.

Maybe that's weird, but knowing what to expect now . . . when the pain got so bad that I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, that typically meant it was almost over (except with Ada. Then it meant I had two more hours until she was out!)

We don't push tons of extracurriculars

I shared in my last post that we're pretty hands-off when it comes to academics in our house. The same goes for extracurricular activities. I have friends and acquaintances who put their kids in EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. They're driving here, there, and everywhere. I both admire and pity them. Basically, I was involved in things as a child -- but not as a young child. My rule is one big activity at a time. If there are other things, they have to fit into the day and be really cheap.

Right now this means that Ada takes a gymnastics class on Saturday mornings. She's also in a school choir that is very inexpensive ($40 for 8 weeks) and meets at the school at the end of the school day. I decided instead of paying money for piano lessons that I'd try teaching her the fundamentals (and it's going well -- we just do it whenever we have a spare 20 minutes). Otherwise, we might do one-off classes . . . but generally, we are living the "slow life" in this respect.

I do combination feeding

Eden gets two bottles of formula each day, so I am no longer exclusively breastfeeding. We are combination feeding, and it's going great. When I shared my struggles with breastfeeding (I have a great supply . . . but mentally, I don't like being tethered to my baby 24/7), I got many well-meaning comments about how I should pump instead of offering formula. I hate pumping more than I hate breastfeeding.

I've finally learned by my second, but especially by my third baby that formula isn't some fluid sent to earth from Satan. In fact, Eden is doing great, and I love giving her bottles. Especially now that she's in the super distracted nursing phase -- with a bottle, she's all business.

We vaccinate

My kids get all their vaccinations on the standard schedule -- no questions. I haven't even done any research in this area because I trust my doctor and my life experience. For example, when Ada was in the pediatric intensive care unit, there was a boy in the next room dying of a preventable disease because he didn't get vaccinations. It was a huge eye-opener, and something that many anti-vax people don't actually see.

I don't love babywearing

OK. That's not entirely true. I do love it when we go out for the rare day. The snuggles can be amazing. But for me, babywearing isn't a way of life. I don't lust over Tula prints or tie fancy wraps (because I'm terrible at it -- I've tried!). I see women conquering the world wearing their babies, and I'm partially jealous. But I also love putting my baby to sleep in her nursery for her naps. So much as I have tried, I cannot get comfortable just wearing my kid all day during all activities. It's claustrophobic for me. I'd rather just wait to do what I need to do until I can do it quickly on my own.

This is one area where I feel like I WISH I was a different person, a different mom, but I'm just not into most attachment parenting things (and before I became a mom -- I was going to be THE attachment parent).

I don't do essential oils on my kids

Inevitably I run across EO conversations each and every day, especially in parenting groups. Jimmy has an ear infection? Try this essential oil in his ear! Sally has a chest cold? Diffuse this essential oil to clear her breathing! I know these people are trying to do what is best for their kids, but I feel like there's a lot of misinformation out there (on both sides) related to EOs. The safety for children hasn't been demonstrated in research enough for me to want to slather it onto my kids. I save essential oils for personal sniffing and for cleaning supplies. Maybe I'm ignorant, but I'm OK with that.

Want more parenting talk? Check out these posts:

My parenting strengths and weaknesses
My major parenting decisions, explained
Thoughts on picky toddler eating
Instant gratification + parenting
3 years staying home with my kids // thoughts

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My Major Parenting Decisions, Explained

People are nosey by nature. And I'm an open book. I get so many DMs about different lifestyle and parenting choices we've made with people asking why we do it that way, how it works for us, etc. Usually it's people who are mulling over their own decisions and looking to gather info. So, I figured I'd post some thoughts on the questions I get the most frequently. This is just what works for us as a family. It's not what I think everyone should do by any means.

Our kids are vegetarian and always have been.

So many of you asked me yesterday about why our family is vegetarian and if our kids still are or if they're ever eaten meat, etc. Lots of variations on the general theme. I've written about it in the past, but -- in short -- I decided to stop eating meat when I was 13. I never liked meat, so it was purely a dietary preference thing. I haven't eaten meat since and I was vegan for several years in college and different spurts in my twenties. For me, being a lacto-ovo vegetarian works best, which means I eat milk and cheese and eggs, etc. Stephen has been a vegetarian since college, when he actually started as a vegan. He has been vegetarian ever since, but has dabbled in eating fish on occasion. Usually when we're on vacation at the ocean and it is freshly caught that day locally.

We didn't sit down and have a big talk about whether or not our kids would eat meat. It was just this understanding that we have lived a vegetarian lifestyle and eaten primarily vegan and vegetarian foods for a big chunk of our lives. Our kids would follow suit. Ada has had fish but doesn't like it. We feed both girls a lacto-ovo diet because it's what we eat as a family. Neither kid has ever eaten meat. Ada is actually quite opposed. She's getting to the age where she's asking a lot of questions and feels a lot of pride in being a vegetarian.

Now our decision to live this way spans beyond dietary preference. We do appreciate the animal rights, environmental impact, and health benefits of eating this way. It's also cheaper, which is a bonus. This isn't to say I'm forbidding our kids from eating meat, but I do not think I would ever prepare it in the home. But we'll cross that bridge as we come to it. So far, most people in our lives just know we are vegetarian, and it hasn't been an issue. We write it on forms for school and summer camps, and -- just like allergies, etc. -- it's been catered to without any issues.

I have never planned to homeschool.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of homeschooling is very intriguing to me. I love the idea of guiding my kids along their path of learning and allowing a more flexible and, at times, more enriching environment for them to grow their brains and learn about the world. I just think I can do this in addition to a quality public school education.

There is this inherent privilege, though, that comes with being able to homeschool. I feel like it isn't brought up too much. Like, I just know I cannot fully commit to a full course of homeschooling grades K through 12 for my children because -- while I'm not working tons of hours right now -- I know I will want to return to more full-time work in the future. This isn't just for me . . . it's practical for our family that I not leave the workforce for that long. I do work from home now, but I'm hoping to expand on those hours after all my kids are school age.

I can totally geek out when I look at different homeschool curriculums. I love the creativity and space that it allows. The flexibility with scheduling, etc. But honestly, my husband is a public school teacher. For this reason, I do support public education. We moved specifically to a school district that is consistently ranked in the top two in the area (Stephen's school is the other top). Plus, the flexibility is nice . . . but we wouldn't be traveling throughout the year since Stephen's job doesn't allow for time off.

Instead, we try to use our summers to get those less-traditional opportunities. I am hoping whatever job I choose in the future will allow for flexibility in the summers so we can enjoy this time as a family.

I will continue to stay at home/work from home.

Yes. Money. It's not the smartest financial thing, perhaps, for me to be at home with part-time hours. Stephen and I both feel strongly that me being home is important. I see working moms totally rocking their situations, and there are times when I look longingly at the structure their days permit. When my kid is screaming and skipping naps, I wonder what it might be like to be at lunch in my old office in peace and quiet. But I know that working moms deal with so much too, like astronomical daycare costs and feelings of guilt, etc.

It's like a no-win situation. Stephen coaches two sports, which I complain about, but it gives our yearly income a nice boost. Now that we're getting close to paying off student loans and other debts . . . we have more wiggle room. This isn't to say I'm comfortably living large over here. I'll do an updated budget post soon. I cherish this time I get to spend with my kids. I surely complain at times, but I think we all do from time to time.

I do plan to either expand freelancing hours to more full-time or to go back to a FT or PT real-life job when my kids are all in school. But, as I mentioned earlier, I'd like to have a schedule that allows me to enjoy lots of time in the summer with my family.

I cloth diapered, then didn't, but might again.

Several of you have asked if I plan to cloth diaper baby number three. I had plans to do it with Eloise. I did it for nearly a year and a half with Ada. But I got sucked in by the convenience of Aldi diapers. They have worked wonderfully for us, and they don't cost terribly too much. But along the way I have felt guilty tossing out so much trash. Like, really guilty at times. And I look at our budget and how I may need to step back on my freelancing hours . . . cloth may be in our future.

I do have an impressive stash that would work well for the new baby. I think I'll write more about this in a baby-related post. To summarize, I support cloth diapering. But I don't understand people who rave about it. It's poop and pee that you have to get up close and personal with. As much as supporters say it's awesome . . . it isn't, like, FUN. So for me, it would be more out of my feelings of environmental responsibility and money. I wouldn't be giddy about it.

I breastfeed. But it's complicated.

I do also plan to breastfeeding this next baby if I'm lucky. I breastfed Ada for nearly 18 months and I breastfed Eloise to age one. With Eloise, I had lot of difficulty because I felt over-touched a lot. Getting used to the demands after years of independence was hard for me. I have no romantic notions that it will be different this time. But, as mentioned above, to save money I know I will need to fully commit.

That said, I feel better prepared this time around for the challenges I may face. I will try to have a plan in place to make sure I don't get too overwhelmed. This may mean pumping more bottles and trying bottles sooner. This may mean occasional supplementation with formula, which did NOT impact our relationship or my supply whatsoever.

In the end, breastfeeding is a very personal choice. And I feel fed is best. I have absolutely no judgement for women who do purely formula, as I was brought up that way. And I have no judgement for women who allow their kids full access to their boobs at all times. I am a more baby-led, but also mom-allowed breastfeeding. I know that doesn't make sense. But scheduling feeds as soon as we're able helps me with my sanity.

I guess more on this will come in another post as well.

We don't bed-share.

While I love the idea and understand the practicality of bed-sharing, it's not for me. I explained this a bit on Instastories a couple weeks ago. While I do room-in with my babies for up to six months (yay reflux scares!) . . . putting my babies in my bed scares the crap out of me, especially in the beginning. I've experienced sleep paralysis and other weird issues that make me truly feel it isn't safe . . . FOR ME. I don't judge, though, because there were a couple times when Ada was small when it worked out very well to get through a tough night.

But I don't plan to bed-share with our new baby. She will sleep next to the bed in a Pack 'n Play (my neighbor was so kind to give me hers with a bassinet attachment!).

We're having three kids. A "larger" family.

I talk a lot about saving money. So some people -- family included -- have asked why we would add another child to our family is money is a concern. That's complicated. And it's hard to fully explain. First of all, family size is another highly personal issue, despite how visible it is to society. People are always going to comment. But when thought long and hard over whether or not adding a third would be good in our case.

When we were going through infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, our ideas of being a family of five really solidified. We realized that we value the people in our lives more than the things. We may not be jetting off to Disney world. We may not have a fancy van with heated seats, automatic doors, etc. (I've been lusting over these lately!). We may just be camping and living on the simple things in life. But we felt strongly that if we didn't go for number three, we'd regret it.

And that's OK. College is a question some have specifically asked about. This is a HUGE topic, so I'm going to gloss over our thoughts. I do not feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to pay for full college for all my children. I feel it is my responsibility to help my children find their path in life. I'd like them to at least go to community college . . . but I am not going to teach them that a four-year school is THE PATH, as we were taught. My parents generously paid for half my education. I worked and got loans for the rest. And I shouldn't have gone to a private, out-of-state school. It's my responsibility to help guide my kids to better choices that will be good for their education and financial futures.

That said, we truly value education, so we will help our kids with whatever they choose to do.

We let our kids watch television. Sometimes lots of it.

Eloise is watching Sesame Street as I type this blog post. As a work-from-home mom, I have utilized television with both my girls to get things done. I am also very present with them and play with them many hours each day. We spend lots of time outdoors. We go to museums and play centers. But television -- in my humble opinion -- is totally fine.

I don't coach learning at home.

This is getting rather long.  So I'll go over one last topic. Many have asked what I'm doing to teach Eloise things at home. And the answer to this is "nothing specific". With Ada, I definitely went out of my way to be like: "Look at the blue ball. Blue. Can you say blue? Where's the blue ball?" You get the point. Anyway, some of this is OK. And when it arises naturally, sure -- I do it. But I don't work in coaching the alphabet, shapes, etc. throughout the day. Granted Eloise is still young. But I'm in the camp that play gets a lot of this stuff into the mix naturally (we also read lots of books).

So, with Eloise and this future baby girl, I am taking a more relaxed approach. A more learn-by-doing, don't fret the rest approach. I will be sending Eloise to preschool at age three. I may even enroll her in a short program next year for socialization, etc. But I truly feel like young children just need to be young children. We'll sing songs, we'll go out and explore the world, we'll do art projects . . . but we won't sit and do flash cards.

Phew. I feel very much open to judgement now, but I'm OK with that. We all do things the way we do them for a reason. So, it's all good.

* Image source is from Etsy. How cute is that? It's customizable. I may need to get one!

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We’ve Weaned -- Now What?

Thank you for all your comments and messages regarding my last post -- how I’m feeling overwhelmed and like I need CHANGE. It was definitely a brain-dump about things I’ve been thinking about for quite some time, and it felt good to sort things out on the screen so I could take a few days and think. While I definitely feel wrapped up in craziness lately, I know that I could probably being doing more to help my situation. When you’re in the thick of it, trying to tunnel a way out can feel absolutely impossible, though.

I wasn’t planning on weaning Eloise this weekend, but it happened because I knew I needed it off my plate. I also knew we were ready (heck -- I wrote about weaning her back in June!). We had been down to just the nighttime feed for a month or so. Stephen was having a long Saturday and getting home several hours after he had initially planned . . . and something told me to just buy a ticket for the 7PM showing of It and have him take over bedtime. Such a small thing felt wildly rebellious in the moment.

As I clicked “order” I immediately felt a sense of relief. And also guilt. But mostly sweet, sweet relief.

Eloise turned 15 months last week. I’ve had trouble with the demands of breastfeeding this time around. Still, we forged through together and made it. I texted Stephen from the theater to wish him luck. I worried so much that she’d be crying her head off because I had abandoned her with no warning. And he quickly texted me back that she was already sound asleep with ZERO issues. He said that I was the one who needed luck sleeping after watching that clown run around town, tormenting those children.

True.

It’s been a few days, and Eloise has had no issues going to bed at night without breastfeeding. It’s closing yet another chapter in her babyhood. I’m proud that I was able to breastfeeding both of my girls for a grand total of 32 months. I did it with very few bottles or breaks to speak of. I’m not looking for an award by any means. I am more reflecting on what a crazy commitment nursing is. I won’t paint it with rainbows and kittens. It’s hard work and absolutely maddening at times.

Now that it’s over, I don’t know what that means. I’ve been loosely tracking my cycles, but shying from trying to conceive a third child. I don’t feel quite ready yet. And now that I have my body back, I may just want to take a few months to enjoy being me and having that autonomy again. Weaning was a small step in carving out more sanity for myself. I’m hoping to follow this action with more that will bring me that feeling of inner-peace I’ve been craving.

But for today, I just wanted to tell this story. It’s bittersweet, as always. Our children grow so quickly. I feel like I spend so much time trying to catch the next stage. Then, when it happens . . . it feels all sorts of ways I wasn’t expecting. That said, I’m loving this new toddler stage. I’ll do an update on what Eloise is up to these days very soon!

Happy hump day!

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Weaning Eloise at Age One

Well, here we are. Just 13 days shy of Eloise's first birthday. We made it. And what a year it has been! I still very vividly remember going to pick up Ada from one of her last days of preschool. I had taken a long, hilly walk with my mother-in-law that morning -- so, standing in the sun watching the kids play in inflatable pools was quite comfortable. Labor felt eons away. Still, we returned home for lunch . . . and not an hour later, my water broke. 38 weeks and one day.

You guys know that nursing has never been my love language. (Does that term even apply here? I don't know. I just like typing love language.) Breastfeeding is complicated for me. It was when I was feeding Ada, but it was new back then. Fresh. I was trying very hard to succeed at mom-ing. The novelty helped me trudge through to 17 months. Not a drop of formula hit that angel-baby's lips. This time around, though, I almost instantly couldn't take the cluster-feeding. I'd feel the guilt rise from within.

(E passed out after nursing in public)

Even through intense pangs of nursing aversion, my internal dialogue was all about comparison. "Don't you love this baby as much as you loved Ada? Give her 'the BEST'!" Breastfeeding is what you are supposed to do if you value the more crunchy things I supposedly value. I had a LLL leader once tell me upon meeting her that it was a shame I weaned Ada at such a "young" age. After all, her healing from brain surgery would have been much better had I not been selfish. I digress.

OK. So, long story short -- I did a feed of formula -- combination feeding -- once a day with Eloise when she was like 4 to 5 months old. My supply never wavered. It wasn't the easiest arrangement. Stephen didn't love using the strangely slanted Doidy cup, but it was the only way she'd guzzle the chemical sludge, er, formula. Somewhere around 6 months, she cut out that feed and I just resumed breastfeeding for all milk feeds. Like a champ. Oh, we also started solids a bit after 4 months this time around despite numerous recommendations I've read. Here's the thing -- Eloise was much happier when she started eating solids. The reflux got better. It just seemed like a natural progression.

Let's see. So, she was feeding like 5-6 times a day . . . and then it dropped to a steady 5 times a day for quite some time. She'd eating upon waking at 8, then at 11, 3, 7, and sometime in the night or early morning. This schedule continued till Eloise was around 10 months old when I decided to night wean. I was tired from waking up and she had stopped eating much at that overnight hour anyway. Guess what? There wasn't a single night of protest. Life sailed on. Since 10.5 months or so, Eloise has been sleeping from 7:30 till around 7:30 pretty much every night. Including now, when she is currently getting six teeth at once. Holy moly.

A week ago, I decided that a year of nursing is going to be our journey. I got my cycle back last month. I swear that ever since, Eloise has just been nursing differently. She's eating far less, she's far more distracted, she'd biting more than ever (yay teething!). She's also becoming a toddler, and that's a whole new world of nursing frustrations. With all the trouble I had getting into my groove . . . I'm proud to say I made it this far. We did. Together. I really do need to thank the patient nursling baby for putting up with my craziness with not loving what should be the most natural thing in the world.

OK. So, a week ago I replaced one of the daytime feeds with a cup of cow's milk. We're at 11.5 months, so I figure that's close enough to the magic 12-month mark when you can start offering milk. She is doing really well with these awesome Boon silicone cup-toppers (that are several dollars cheaper on Amazon than at Target where I got mine -- boo!). She drinks around 4 ounces pretty reliably. I'd like it to be 6, but we'll take it. Wasn't super easy at first, but within a week, she is now drinking without much trouble.


Today, I've decided I'm going to see if we can get another feed weaned. And I plan to go at the rate of a feed dropped every one or two weeks until we're done. Should be by 13 months, give or take.

I feel like saying that I'm doing mother-led weaning isn't going to sit well with some breastfeeding advocates. I love my children tremendously, but I also recognize that to be a good mom, I need to feel good myself. I also want to be another voice in the nursing world. I am a member of a Facebook group on the subject, for example, and there's so much mommy shaming and fear mongering that goes on there.

Like, "how dare you give your sweet baby that evil formula when there's donor milk from total strangers that you can get on Craigslist?"

Or "You say fed is best? That's like saying not killing your child is best!" (No, really. That comment was on there!)

It goes on and on. I did the best I could. And I have come to a place after a lot of anguish and questioning of myself where I feel like I really did do well for my child. I want to say again that I experienced no breastfeeding issues by doing the whole breast-and-bottle are best thing. We did it temporarily and then resumed regularly scheduled programming. Eloise is gaining weight better now than she had been, too. Thank goodness for reflux meds (yet another thing the breastfeeding group says are evil).

There's a lot more to say, but I may lump that in a proper happy birthday post in a couple weeks. I am a true believer that fed is best. No matter what you're doing, you're doing a good job if you are caring enough to, well, care about what goes into your baby's system. Keep on keeping on. Don't let peer pressure make you miserable on either side of the spectrum. I have several dear friends who have nursed three-year-olds, more power to these ladies. I, myself, have never ingested breastmilk . . . and I've lived nearly 34 years to bring you these ever-entertaining musings.

Happy Friday, friends!

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When Breast + Bottle Are Best

All I have to say is . . . wow. I read all of your comments on the combination feeding post and my Instagram and Facebook. Your support means the world to me. I searched forum after forum. Read article after article. And I just couldn't seem to feel OK about this combination feeding thing. You all have helped me feel secure. Thank you for that.

I also found an article recently that actually did help, and it's an interesting read no matter what "side" you're on. Check out The Case Against Breastfeeding in The Atlantic. The title is harsher than the article itself.

Where we are today: I know now that I truly need to try this combination thing to get my sanity. Feeding has been around the clock every 2-3 hours basically since she was born (we did have a few good weeks of sleep in there). I know this is "normal" for babies of this age. But I can't do it anymore. It's making me feel down. It's making me feel out of control.

Admitting this to myself has been a huge step in feeling better.

We have been trying bottles each day filled with about half breast milk and half of a generic organic formula . . . but it's not working out very well. I did go out and buy the Munchkin Latch -- many of you said you had the best luck with this one. She won't really suck it, though. She bites it and thrusts her tongue out a lot. We have taken to feeding her with a spoon and then offering the bottle. It works just a little. I think at most we can get her to take an ounce.

We may even try a Doidy cup because so many of you said it might be fine to skip bottles entirely.

We will keep trying.

This weekend I may go somewhere for the afternoon so that I totally miss one of her feedings. I don't want her to suffer. That is the hard part. I have been going out for jogs while Stephen offers her the bottle . . . but then I quickly intervene and just feed her. We have been offering the bottle for a late afternoon feed, but many of you suggested doing it for the last feed of the day or even during the night.

Whatever happens, I think breast and bottle will be best for us. There is a part of me that mourns exclusive breastfeeding. But it's more the idea of it. That for some reason I cannot deal with it this time around. It makes me feel less-than. Like I somehow don't have the strength to do this most "natural" and wonderful thing for this baby I fought so hard to have join our family. Your words of support have helped me understand that this is not failure, and I hope these words help a host of other women going through similar issues.

So -- again: THANK YOU. More good stuff soon!

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Mixing It Up // Combination Feeding?

I have hesitated to write a post about how breastfeeding is going. We are nearly five months in and -- at least on the surface -- it's working out well. If you dig just a little, though, you'll have me in tears. Because I'm honestly overwhelmed. I didn't necessarily want to write about this topic, but I find so little out there that reads like my experience.

I don't have supply issues.
I don't have pain.
I don't have infections or plugged ducts or anything like that.
Nothing is "wrong".

I am lucky because my body seems to do the job of making milk and delivering it to baby easily. I am lucky because I know so many women struggle with making milk or getting baby to latch and work tirelessly because "breast is best" and everything else we read over and over and over again.

When I breastfed Ada, I didn't love it. But I did it because I truly did feel like what I was doing was so, so, so important. I didn't dare deviate from her cues. I fed on-demand. She took bottles here and there, but I was mostly OK with feeding her. She slept well throughout the night from an early age and wasn't a terribly demanding feeder. She ate quickly and moved on. Yeah, we hit some distracted periods -- but I was also a first-time mom. It was all fascinating to me.

This time around, I don't think I can say I have enjoyed any part of breastfeeding much at all. It started at mild frustration but has snowballed into full-blown feelings of awfulness. I have spoken with my midwife and we agree that I don't have symptoms of PPD. I actually did have a touch of that with Ada, and this is entirely different. My feelings are only tied to breastfeeding, yadda, yadda.

I think I have a few things going against me.

• First, it's been a long time since I have had a baby. I had a lot of body autonomy and just freedom in general because a 4-year-old is not a baby or toddler. Nope, she's a tiny kid. We would pick up and go and do whatever, whenever, for however long.
• I spent two years with infertility and recurrent miscarriages. My body was host to three pregnancies before Eloise came along. I bled and cried and generally felt awful for a long time. Then when I did get pregnant, I had tons of those contractions again and spent the nine months worried I'd go into premature labor. Pregnancy is just not my strongest area, obviously.
• Eloise is a darling. I love her to pieces. But she is a grazer. She loves to linger at the breast for long (and very distracted of late) feedings. She loves to eat in the night, every night, several times a night. She is calmed no other way. Like, seriously. No other thing calms her. We have tried so much.
• I am alone most days for 11-12 hours and on Saturdays for the bulk of the day until cross-country season is over. I have no family in the area. I work from home. Basically, I have little to no escape.

This is all a long list of excuses to explain that I have been having a hard go with breastfeeding this time around. I'm not asking for permission to feel this way. I am not trying to justify why I feel like this for anyone but myself. But what I can say is that I am having trouble finding support. Like I wrote in my last breastfeeding confessional, it seems you have to either be on the "formula feeling is awesome" or "exclusive breastfeeding is the only way" camp.


I decided the other day that to be a happier person and better mom, I'd like to consider doing combination feeding. In other words: I'd like to consider giving a bottle of formula once a day or so. Mostly to give myself a small break in the afternoon, which is when I tend to see the feedings piling atop of one another. (We are still in a bit of a cluster-feed before bed that never results in longer sleep than 2.5-3 hours at a time.)

Yes, I know I can pump and offer breast milk. To me, this isn't a solution for me. I'll just feel unhappy hooked up to a pump. I brought up this whole mixed feeding business on my personal Facebook and immediately got some "that's cool, do what you want" feedback . . . but also some rather negative feedback from some surprising people in my life. Like a few messages about how formula is poison, why would I ever do this is breastfeeding is going well, "I certainly would never do that," etc.

I'm reaching out today to see if anyone have done combo feeding. What has your experience been? I have been reluctant to try because I can't seem to find a lot of information about how it works. I read so many places that even just one replacement feeding a day will sink my milk supply. I feel tremendous guilt for even thinking of doing mixed feeding. And that's why I'm writing this post today. I don't think I should feel this way. I am trying to do what is best for my baby. Feed her. Be a happier mom. Why should I feel guilty?

Although, this entire thing might be silly to bring up at all because we cannot get our girl to take a bottle, a cup, or anything like that. From anyone. Anywhere. We have tried all the tricks. We have spent a small fortune on cups. I have burned through my freezer supply. Just wasted it without so much as an ounce going to good use. Sigh.

For now, little Eloise will keep getting her favorite meal from the source. Again, I feel fortunate to be able to provide this to her. I would love to continue giving breast milk as her primary food source. I just need something to change, even if it's a small something.

Thanks in advance for any info you can share with me.

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Why I Breastfeed

"Whoa," said Stephen. "Aren't you showing a bit much?" He's referring to my photo on Instagram in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week. Honestly? My shirt is off more than it's on these days, so I didn't even think twice about it. It's my current look. It's my current reality. It's how Eloise eats 8-10+ times each and every day (and night!). So, I guess it is indeed a bit much . . . but it's my exact point in motherhood.

Hashtag allthenursing:

I myself was a formula fed baby. So my current stance on the whole mommy wars issue is that a fed baby is a happy baby. You're doing a great job if your baby is fed. I truly believe that. Why is breastfeeding so important to me? I don't really know. My body seems to do a good job at making milk. I work from home. It just makes sense to me that way. It's something I can provide to help our family and to help bond with baby. Sometimes, the reason isn't always so clear.

There are (many) days when I don't know why I continue breastfeeding. I've told you all how much I don't love it. Like on Sunday. Eloise woke at 5:30 AM, and I fed her every hour for 45 minutes, giving me only 15 minute snippets of me-time until 10:30 PM that evening. Otherwise known as the hellish 6-week growth spurt. She then slept 7 hours of pure heaven after that. Anyway, I know it gets easier, so I kept telling myself that. The early stages of breastfeeding can be downright maddening. The wisdom I have now is that I know it will get easier with time.

I don't have a blissful essay to write on the matter. Breastfeeding is undoubtedly one of the hardest things I've ever done. I had forgotten how draining it can be (see what I did there?). But in all seriousness, it just isn't something that comes naturally to me. I'm far too wound and sitting for hours on end during the six week growth spurt almost broke me. And then it got better again. When I see how much it means to Eloise in terms of comfort . . . it makes it somehow worth the struggle. (In fact, I hear her stirring now, so I'll keep this brief.)

I don't know how long I'll keep it up this time around. We're only 7 weeks in, and I don't want to make grand plans, especially with my current feelings of being somewhat cluster-fed out. With Ada, I never imagined I'd keep at it for nearly 18 months. I took things one week at a time. With my personality, 18 months is an eternity. Now? I have only fond memories of nursing her. All I can share is that -- even with the struggles -- breastfeeding is something I'm sure to always remember in my life for better or worse.

So, happy World Breastfeeding Week. Good job keeping your babies feed with the boob or otherwise. If you're struggling with breastfeeding, mentally or physically, know you're not alone. It's OK to not be in love with it. There are many of us who feel this way, but still come out the other side happy we forged on. And with that, I'm off to nurse by baby . . . again!

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Breastfeeding Confessional

I certainly shared my mixed feeling about nursing during Ada's infancy. I'll try not to hit all that stuff with a stick too much longer -- but I wanted to address breastfeeding today. I have a conflicted relationship with it. On one hand, I feel fortunate to offer food and comfort to our tiny babe. I know it's good for my health and hers. On the other hand, the early days and weeks can be downright maddening. Cluster-feeding, hour-long sessions, engorgement, and a total lack of personal space.

At just two weeks in, the ride is only beginning.

Am I alone in feeling this way?

Pregnancy is this absolutely miraculous process. But I don't love being pregnant because it means I'm solely responsible for nurturing a life. It means that I'm a host. Especially this time around, I was terrified being pregnant much of the time. In fact, one of the first things I said after giving birth was "I'm so happy I'm not pregnant anymore." This huge rush of relief surged through my body, washing away the anxiety that had plagued me for much, much longer than my 38 weeks.

Breastfeeding is a whole new and different responsibility. On the second day in the hospital, one of the lactation consultants visited me and asked how things are going. Well, I said, baby's latch is amazing -- but she fed every single hour last night. I'm exhausted, I said with a bit of a laugh, and really need a break. I looked for some sympathy, some understanding. But I was met instead with a concerned expression. I was also given information on newborn nursing habits and a brief chat about PPD.

I know all of that, I said, and I know it gets better (after all, I nursed Ada for nearly 18 months) -- but it's still just difficult for me. I'll come back later, she said, when you're more rested.

I don't know. I choose to breastfeed and go through all the emotions and, yes, inconvenience because I do believe it's beneficial for baby. I do enjoy the bond, but I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that sometimes -- even in summer -- I just want to wear a turtleneck and not bare my chest hours at a time. Also: Being home, I feel like breastfeeding is a small way that I'm contributing by not having to buy formula. And my babies (so far) seem to be really good at it. Yup. In so many ways, nursing is a natural choice . . . and it's one I'll continue to choose despite not loving it all the time.

But that's the thing. Is it horrible that I don't love breastfeeding?

This isn't some funk I've fallen into postpartum. It's how I felt with Ada, especially in the beginning. Is it OK not to relish the hours on end marathons of boob eating from 5 PM to 10 PM each night? Is it alright to feel frustrated that I'm on a constant 2 to 3 hour clock after four years of blissful independence? But is it also acceptable to admit all these things and still say that it's what I want to do? Why can I not be a bit irked with the whole thing (getting used to it again, at least)?

I guess these are hypothetical questions. In the end, it's all my choice. I feel fortunate to have choice. We're making our way through the trenches of the worst period, and I will admit it's easier this time around. Little Eloise is really my joy. I love seeing that she gets so much comfort from being near me.

Still, last night I don't think Ada saw me with a shirt on from after her nap until bedtime. Craziness. This time around, though, I'm hoping to go more easy on myself. The first time, I was pretty hard on myself for not feeling that nursing is a magical experience to cherish always. Right now, I'm trying to savor the good and make it through the bad and ugly. We've even decided to do pacifiers because the comfort sucking is a bit nuts, but that's a post for another day.

When I look up some questions about nursing on the web, I feel like there are two main camps. The people who quit really early and can't stand it OR the people who embrace it and just adore nursing. Please tell me I'm not alone being somewhat between these ends of the spectrum.

And HAPPY TUESDAY!

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Good, Hefty Eats

A lot of what we've been eating lately has been recipe-free. It's quite liberating, actually. Once we got the hang of the basic cooking methods, it made our lives much easier. Most of what we eat during the week is made up of stir-fries, sandwiches and pizzas.

Yes. Multiple pizzas. I've been meaning to write about this for a while. We got a question in our inbox about why we eat so much pizza. The answer is quite simple: Pizza can be an extremely healthy dinner option if it's done right.

Think a thin, homemade whole wheat (often made with puree, like pumpkin or carrot) crust topped with tons of roasted veggies. Go easy on the cheese. You get a lot of food groups packed into tasty bites . . . of delicious pizza. I think we eat it at least twice a week.

Tonight's featured roasted kohlrabi (thanks for my Tweeps for identifying it for me!), garlic scapes, and leeks. We each polished off half of this bad boy.

To make it at home: Just preheat your oven to 400 degrees F, slice veggies, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt/pepper/crushed red pepper, and bake in 15-minute intervals -- stirring between -- until golden brown. Top pizza with as many veggies as you can pack on and bake as you would any pizza at home.

You can find more of our favorites on the pizza page!


Our feeling about complete, action-packed nutrition is the same with our insane sandwiches. They may look crazy and indulgent, but when you break 'em down, it's really just everything you'd put on a plate for dinner . . . between two crusty slices of bread.

This new one is affectionately called the "Smothered Mother" because it's slathered in sauces. (And FYI: You have to say it like Fred Armisen on the "I am YOUR MOTHER" skit on SNL.)


What's on it:

Your favorite bread (this is Rosemary Salt from Wegmans)
Seitan, slices (homemade or store-bought)
Colby cheese, slices
Chipotle Vegenaise
Pesto
Sweet potato fries
Salad greens (this is a local mix -- baby spinach or arugula would be great, too)

I eat enough to fuel breastfeeding and training between 20 and 30 miles a week. That means I typically match what's on Stephen's plate these days. (It's been like that since before I was pregnant, actually.) There's no "perfect" or "ideal" in the way to eat. If I'm hungry, I don't suffer. I've had enough of that in my life.

These hefty meals keep me satisfied and satiated. They are fun and incredibly delicious. They're packed full of calories that I need without the bulk of countless plates of salads and other low calorie fare.

What are your weeknight go-to meals? If you're an athlete or need more calories for good stuff like pregnancy or breastfeeding, how do you get it all in? I'd love to get some new ideas!


Today on Writing Chapter Three you can read all about our least exciting 4th of July EVER. OK. It wasn't that bad, but it's hard to compete with last year's babymoon.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

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Demand and Supply

One of the most frequent questions I receive related to my running these days is about increasing mileage and breastmilk supply issues. I thought it'd be helpful to post all this information, as I see it ringing true, in one place.

When I was pregnant (at 32 weeks, I think -- above), I took a breastfeeding class and asked a question about running and supply. The lactation consultant sort of looked at me blankly and said she didn't know, but thought probably a half marathon wouldn't be in the cards while EBF (exclusively breastfeeding).

By now, we all know this isn't true -- I've done several races these past 6 months, first chilly 10Ks to hilly 15Ks. So, how have I managed to continue breastfeeding exclusively AND train for a half marathon?


#1: I increased my mileage slowly. True, I started running 3 weeks postpartum. But I kept it in the 2 to 4 mile walk/run range -- it was more for mental sanity than physical fitness. The first 6 weeks of breastfeeding are particularly important because that's when supply is established. To be honest, I couldn't shouldn't have manage more than what I was doing at the time anyway.

After 6 weeks, I still didn't train with any structured plan. But I did increase my mileage with a weekly long run. It was helped to not sign up for a big race too soon after giving birth. Instead, I gave myself almost 6 months so I wouldn't need to rush into running. I did a few 10Ks in January, but with the idea that time didn't matter. I sincerely think this relaxed approach to training helped me build my supply AND ease back into being a runner without encountering injury or absolute depletion.

#2: I let Ada call the shots. Sure, it was hard in those early days with the cluster-feeding. There were times when I felt like I was glued to the couch for the entire afternoon and evening. I love hyperbole, but I'm being entirely serious. Glued. So, I would feed Ada -- no bottles -- during those times like it was my job. Which, sort of, it was. Waiting to run until Ada was done and then sneaking in shorter bursts of running on those cluster-feeding days (and, yes, skipping my workout sometimes) meant my body was getting the cues from Ada to produce more milk.

After all, that's what the cluster-feeding is for. It's the baby's way of telling your body that he/she needs more food. Supplementing with bottles of expressed milk in the first six weeks isn't terrible by any means -- but to play it safe, it's best to put baby to breast as often as possible because he/she is the most efficient at expressing milk and sending the signals to the body for HOW MUCH to produce. (In the early days, I wasn't able to pump much -- nor is pumping entirely advisable while things are regulating.)


#3: I guzzle water and when I'm full, I guzzle more. My water bottle is now an extension of my body. Hydration is absolutely key to maintaining good breastmilk supply. It's that easy.

#4: I consume enough calories and choose particular foods to fill my tummy. Training for a distance race taxes the body of a normal person. Training for a distance race taxes the body of an already taxed new mom and breastfeeding mom. Like whoa. I am hungry all the time, so I eat all the time. I mean it: All. The. Time.

If you've been following the blog, you know that I am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight even at 6 months postpartum. I haven't at all tried to diet, restrict calories, etc. while breastfeeding AND training. It would be silly. I desperately need the fuel for both activities, so I don't count calories and I listen to my hunger cues. I may not always choose the best foods, but I'm trying.

I also try to incorporate the following lactogenic foods into my diet:

• Oatmeal (I observe a HUGE difference when I eat oats. HUGE!)
• Fenugreek 
• Garlic 
• Nutritional yeast 
• Fats, like olive oil 
• Dark beer on occasion 
• Here are some more good foods, spices, etc.

#5: I get as much rest as I can. Luckily, Ada isn't a terrible sleeper. Sure, she has her moments, but I'm usually able to get at least 7 hours of (almost always interrupted) sleep a night. I've never been much of a napper, but these days -- I can doze even when the sun is shining in my face. If I'm tired and have the time, I do take the opportunity to rest versus catching up on emails or blogging. And sometimes rest means skipping workouts.

I'll be the first to admit that my training for the most recent half marathon was far from perfect.

My plan had me running 5 days a week, but I -- instead -- averaged 3 or 4. When I had time and energy, I tried to make up some of the long runs I missed . . . but I often skipped the other miles entirely and didn't look back. I still finished in a respectable time and got my fitness to a level closer to my pre-pregnancy days.


Overall, I treated running these first 6 months as a second . . . or maybe a third, fourth, or fifth priority in my life. My health and well-being came first. I'm sure some of you are thinking: "Shouldn't the BABY come first, Ashley?" No. The way I see it, if I'm not healthy and thriving, she won't be either -- especially since we have this symbiotic relationship right now. I make the time to eat and take care of myself so I can do the same for her.

Of course, she's a very, VERY close second priority. And then running comes in somewhere after that . . . along with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g else.


You may have already read, but today on Writing Chapter Three I posted about Ada's first adventures with solid foods. I wouldn't exactly call her a foodie just yet . . . but she's getting more used to tastes and textures as each day passes.

Like what you just read? You can subscribe to the feed of these posts or follow us on Twitter or Facebook to be the first to know what the (never home)makers are up to. And we’ll love you forever!

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