2018 // Micro-blogging in January

Happy New Year, everyone! I kicked off 2018 by getting 10 hours of sleep for the first time in . . . a really, really long time. I'm also headed to yoga this morning. A real class, not YouTube in the basement (though that's great, too!). Hmm. This photo is nearly 10 years old. Do you remember my 10-year rewind post? It's a goodie.

If you follow me on Instagram, you already know one of my big pushes in 2018 is to take a break from social media (Instagram and Facebook, specifically). I know lots of people are doing that, so it's nothing novel or particularly interesting. My goal isn't to get rid of Instagram in the long run (I love the community there. Facebook is another story -- and I've gone back to the evil side after quitting for a few months last year) . . . but I feel like Instagram has been stealing my blogging mojo and time I have to put toward other things in my life.

There really wasn't such intense social media back when I started blogging. It was write, write, write . . . maybe share some photos on Foodgawker or SeriousEats, and then just think of more content. The "good" bloggers have found a way to do it all -- even after having kids. I, personally, don't want to turn my life into a business. Or at least I'm no good at it. I need to turn off. To unwind. And I think I'd rather share my thoughts diary-style than try to market and monetize my lifestyle.

So, I've decided instead of sharing content on my social media platform, I'd like to dig back into blogging. I'll have the time if I'm not scrolling through feed after feed. What is a micro-blog? I don't know technically. But for me, it just means I'll only spend a maximum of like 5-10 minutes writing a post on something very focused. Today's post is simply to share my intentions, and then I'll dive in with some more interesting tidbits in the coming days -- my actual 2018 goals, what's up in our house, my pantry cleaning project, why I'm going to yoga 3 times a week, how TTC is going, etc.

Alright. For January (at least) . . . I'll only be logging on to Instagram for a bit (20 minutes?) each Monday. I'll share a collage of the week's blog posts and also hop onto stories to share a quick face-to-face "what's up" sort of video. Otherwise, please check back Monday through Friday here on neverhomemaker.

Stay warm. Be happy. Achieve your goals. And thanks so much for reading. I am excited to get back into a true rhythm, and I think I've finally figured out how to carve out the time.

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Life in Isolation

I recently had a good chat with an old friend via Instagram messages. I only share where we had the conversation because it’s funny how little snippets of connection can impact the day. We live in quite a world, don’t we? I remember when I’d turn on our old Apple computer and head the “Uh-Oh” of ICQ ring out over the speakers. Or the ding of an email coming when I was just, like, 12 years old. Back then, talking with people -- even people I knew in real life -- was such an insane novelty.

Now? It’s a way of life, for better or worse.

As a work-at-home mom and freelance writer, I conduct the majority of my business online. I chat up my editors on the opposite coast throughout the day, but I’ve never met them. I click over to Facebook messages (because I still use those despite mostly quitting Facebook) to say hey to a few people before heading back to work during naps or spending the majority of my day with a nonverbal baby. My days are quiet. So quiet that when I’m around people, I actually get irked at the noise. I often joke I’m an old lady because I feel like I’m always shushing people.

I think this last year has been particularly difficult because, while I’ve been isolated in the past, it reached new heights. When Ada was in the 3s and 4s, I would shuttle her off to preschool, chat with the other parents and teachers everyday, and often meet up for post-school play-dates, etc. I’d go to the gym or meet up with people when Ada was at school. And now, the bus does the shuttling. I only email with the teacher. Any opportunity I had to volunteer was often hampered by Eloise’s nap schedule. And with a baby napping so much, getting out of the house when I had free time was challenging.

Isolation is something I deal with regularly. It’s gotten better over the summer with Stephen home, and I can feel a huge difference. So much so that I know I really need to work on in my own life, when fall comes again. I’ve already started by making a concerted effort to hang out with friends. But schedules when you have little kids is tough. Many of my friends have children in school or older toddlers/preschoolers. I am definitely looking forward to getting on the one-nap-a-day schedule.

Now that E is older, I think I’m going to try my best to commit to going to story hour at the library once a week. That may be my first step. As an introvert, this doesn’t come naturally to me. This all said, I do feel fortunate to live in a time where we can have meaningful connections with friends via online platforms. I even love connecting with people I’ve never met. Sometimes I feel like I have more in common with this group I’ve carefully curated. It no longer feels artificial. It feels awesome to know there are other people out there who can relate to the daily highs and lows.

Anyway, we’re off for our two-week vacation to Cape May soon. I am hoping to get some time to share some shorter, but more regular thoughts during this time. Oh, and some photos of my trip. I love good beach photos. We’re hoping to hit up a few new spots this year, like Cape May Point beach. If you have suggestions, I’d love to hear them!

And while I’m crowdsourcing: What are things you do to combat isolation in your own life? 

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Unplugged // My Month Away from Facebook

So, I didn't write about it on the blog, but I took February off from Facebook. It's something I had been meaning to do for quite some time. I signed up my senior year of college -- and that was 12 years ago. Phew. I think that finally pushed me over the edge was all the political talk, the constant stream of news and opinion pieces, and my own nagging feeling of being addicted to social media.

I'm proud to say I actually did it.
I quit.
I survived.
And, dare I say, thrived with my time away.

So much, in fact, that I have decided to effectively quit for another month. Well, mostly. The thing is, Facebook is somewhat of a necessary evil these days. It's a way you can connect with people you don't get to see. And when you live away from many of your close friends -- it serves as a handy form of communication. Especially for an introvert like me who doesn't like talking on the phone.

Alright, here's how I did it.

Step 1: I posted a message a few days before the start of the month explaining that I was going to sign off for the month. I told my friends that I had downloaded Facebook messenger as a means of communication, but I also provided my email address if anyone wanted to get in touch with me.

Step 2: I . . . just . . . stopped going onto Facebook. I will be completely honest that in the first day, I was actually really surprised  to find myself typing in the address in my browser bar . . . like every time I had a spare moment. It became almost laughable. But after a week or so, the automatic nature of it faded and I just stopped going onto the site.

That's really all you need to do. If I continue my hiatus this month, I plan to take the following measures to improve my experience.

• I may block the site somehow on my phone. It wasn't as much of an issue on my laptop because I primarily am on that for work purposes. Does anyone have a recommendation for blocking the address on my phone? I know there are some site blockers out there.
• I will switch off notifications that get sent to my email. The only times I did feel compelled to log on this month were when well-meaning friends shared some cool stuff on my wall.  
• I may try to find an automated way to share my blog posts via Facebook. Though, it wasn't too bad just quickly logging on, typing up what my blog was about, and then logging off.

 Some things I learned during my time away.

• First are foremost, you can live without Facebook. I am still alive. I filled my mind with far less useless knowledge this month and had much more time to read things that actually meant something to me. I also took far fewer quizzes to tell me what Golden Girl I am, etc. And you know what? That stuff is interesting for sure, but definitely not necessary in my life, or so I discovered.
• Your real friends won't forget about you. In fact, you're forge more meaningful friendships and spark more interesting conversations with the people who take the time to contact you off your wall. Yes, I did hold on to my Messenger capabilities and will continue to do so. But instead of sharing mindless random stuff, I send a good friend a great bread recipe because I knew she had been looking for one and otherwise made plans to meet up with people, you know, in the flesh.
• There's a lot of other stuff you can be doing with all the time you spend surfing. I read a good chunk of my Hamilton biography this month, I also cleaned much more of my house, and I spent more one-on-one time with Ada doing crafts. Now that the weather is warmer, not having a feed to scroll through should prove even more exciting for my personal life and hobbies.
• Fringe friends don't bring me joy. There's something relaxing about flipping through your feed and seeing what so-and-so is up to from all those years ago. The thing is, after I've spend some time away, I realized that maybe I don't care that X person is having a baby. Sure it's nice, but I haven't spoken with her in five years. Or Y and Z went to Europe? That's nice. I actually only ever met them a few times. So, maybe I have no business creeping on their vacation photos?
• Along those same lines, it takes a lot of energy to maintain "friendships" that don't necessarily fill my cup, so to speak. I remember seeing a TED talk about the number of people you can have meaningful relationships with and how anything more is just draining. Yeah. Quitting Facebook is good as a remedy for that situation.
• I have other social media addictions. Instagram, I'm looking at you. I quit Twitter long ago. I only do Pinterest in spurts while nursing. But Instagram is definitely something that sucks me in. And you know what? I may need to work on it. Right now, I'm cool with that. I try to keep most of my browsing to nursing sessions and a few breaks every now and again. Not being on Facebook so much allowed me to find some new feeds I love. Right now Kaity at Fare Isle is my favorite.

 Next steps in my journey.

With the time I save not scrolling around on Facebook this month, I want to:

• Get together with a real life friend at least once a week. It's easy to get caught up in being too busy or too strapped to nap schedules. I already have plans to visit a friend of mine who lives slightly out of town later this week. I think once I get in the habit, it will become more automatic to find space for these connections in my daily life.
• Find a better work-life balance. My job requires me to be online often for writing. Blogging gets me a bit bogged down online most days of the week. I may experiment with having a posting schedule that would free up a couple days a week to spend entirely computer and device-free. More to come with this soon as I hash it out.
• I also plan to participate in the National Day of Unplugging on March 3rd this year. It's great to quit Facebook, but I also think lessening my time on screens in general is a bigger goal I'd like to achieve. Especially after I read the Hands-Free Mama book a couple years back.
• I'd also like to pick back up my cross-stitching hobby that I left behind before Eloise was born. It brought me a lot of joy, and I do think I still spend too much time on my phone in the evenings. Stephen and I were just discussing having a couple TV-free evenings, and cross-stitching may be just the thing I want to do with my free time.

Another revelation:

I've also realized that a major reason I liked being on Facebook was to share photos of the kids with my friends. The thing is, I don't need to share so many. No one cares that much. And I don't want to have tons of photos of my kids online. I think it's actually more for me. The process of taking photos brings me joy. Looking at my photos makes me happy.

Instead of sharing this with the world all the time, I am going to sign up for Chatbooks and regularly get some photo books printed out that I myself will be able to look at and share with my family. Has anyone else used Chatbooks? What is your opinion? I'll be sure to do a review soon! I loved their commercial on YouTube!

OK. Who here has quit Facebook? Did I forget anything? Anyone feel motivated to take a trial break this month? I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!

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4 Ways To Shake It Off

Ada’s got this growing obsession with Taylor Swift going, and it’s hard not getting sucked in. Especially with her latest anthem for the misunderstood and much gossiped about people of the world. In other words: All of us at one time or another. We all have moments when people just don’t get us. They think what they want to think, say what they want to say. Unfortunately (and unbelievably), this kind of stuff doesn’t stop in high school. Or in your twenties. Or seemingly ever.

Trust me, I’m from a small town where your friends’ grandparents even went to school together -- the rumor mill can be a way of life. My perspective on gossip is particularly keen for this reason. Or perhaps too sharp and sensitive. Regardless, I get frustrated when people don’t understand me. Or when they make assumptions that just doesn’t jibe with reality. Don’t you? Like everyone else, I have my fair share of frenemies. And it’s how I’m dealing with them that’s changed for the better throughout the years.

#1: Lean Social Media

One of the hardest places to look away from the train wreck is on sites like Facebook. It seems like everyone you meet immediately becomes your “friend” and those “friends” you had in the past continue to pop up. (Think #3 on this list.) Honestly, my Facebook feed is a much happier place since I purged my list by over half last spring. Now, this isn’t to say I don’t have some amazing (and surprising) connections with people that Facebook has helped facilitate. Still, it’s easy to sit and stalk people or get annoyed or otherwise waste social energy.

#2: Refocus Attention

That’s right. All of these situations waste precious time and energy. This isn’t to say you should just cut people out of your life at will. But if you find yourself spending too much mental effort on people who bring you down, stop that trend. Take the high road. Invest your time in the people who love you and bring you joy. After a while, there’s no room for the rest. After all, fickle friends can add so much stress to our days.

#3: Consider Criticism

Sometimes there is a grain of truth in the criticism I receive. I’m thinking mostly for bloggers here, since we can get “nasty” comments from time to time whether on our sites or elsewhere. More often than not, there’s something to learn in those words. Other times, yes -- criticism is unfounded or simply ridiculous. (For example, I’d get mean comments on Writing Chapter Three with a big lead in of “I don’t have or ever want kids, BUT...” and I realize these people are’t my intended audience, so why would they understand?) The way I approach these sentiments is to first see if there’s any basis in truth (it’s hard, but important for growth) and to let the other comments roll with the trolls.

#4: Relinquish Control

Let it go. I used to think I could control what people -- real or online -- think about me by being open and honest about my life. More times than not, it puts me in an even more vulnerable position. I’ve realized that, within reason, it’s not my responsibility to be understood all the time. Obviously if I’m in the wrong or have done or said something I regret, I’ll work like hell to clear that up. But I can’t work overly hard to simply be myself. I can’t apologize for my genuine thoughts and feelings. After a while, the ownership of this negativity rests in the heart of whoever is producing the hate, not me.

How do you shake off negativity?

PS: In case you missed any of the other posts this week, here’s a quick rewind. I’d love your feedback on posting frequency, content, etc. I’m trying to merge recipes, exercise, family stuff, and other musings onto one convenient space, but I could certainly use help with best practices from the reader perspective.

15-Minute Body Weight Workout
Tempeh + Flax Veggie Burgers
1/52: Snapshots of Family Life
2015 Ultimate Clean Eating Guide
Baked Veggie Spaghetti Squash
My Goals for 2015

*Troll photo found here.

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Social Media + Workouts: Helpful or Harmful?

A couple weeks ago, I wrote an article for my gig at WalkJogRun about social media + workout motivation. For the most part, I see a ton of positives going out and running/walking/swimming/biking/etc. and then sharing the details on Twitter or blog for a boost of confidence. I've had some trouble, especially since becoming a mom, with sticking to training plans -- and sometimes a little "way to go!" or "great pace!" from a friend or even stranger has made time spent moving more gratifying.

Sometimes.

But then I thought about it on the flip side, because I've certainly had days and even entire periods of my life when social media sweat session boasting has irked and even derailed me. Of course, it's all on me how I decide to spend my time + interpret information + subsequently stew in my own annoyance/frustration/whathaveyou . . . but, as an example, I had to block from my feed almost all my running club buddies for the latter part of my pregnancy.

(Yeah, guys. Sorry about that.)

It was in late summer and early fall -- at the height of marathon training season. And they were on fire. I felt happy for my friends and enjoyed living vicariously through their training. However, hearing about all those 20-mile long runs as my own had dwindled to single digits and then to zero did anything but invigorate me. The constant, up-to-the-minute reminder of how far I'd fallen "off track" was actually quite upsetting, even when I felt confident in my own decision to do what I was doing.

At other times, I've looked at my Facebook wall or Twitter feed or favorite blogs or Instagram snapshots and felt like "why the hell can't I muster enough energy to train for X, Y, or Z?!" Or "So-and-so is doing THIS, what's wrong with ME!?" You know, "Since when did we all have to exercise twice a day or run ultras to be REAL athletes?" Or other nonsense that I've thought in the past year, month, week, hour.

I am certainly guilty of posting mostly my best workouts. I certainly favor sharing PRs versus total bombs for race times. So, I suppose this isn't really a rant but rather a curious prodding. How does social media influence your exercise, if at all? 

What are your positive/negative experiences?

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